TA working in same school as child

[ihearttc]

Just after some impartial advice if I can please. I will try and keep this brief!

Basically Im a TA in a school with a split site...KS2 on one site and KS1 on another site a 10 minute walk away. I have a DC who is currently in Y3. Last year due to building work Year 2 were on the KS2 site and I worked in the same year as my DC (although not in the same class). Although academically he did brilliantly it was a bit of a nightmare and he really struggled with friendships. He could have no one home to play with and he spent most of the year on his own.

This year Im back on the KS1 site and things have gone brilliantly. I drop him off at breakfast club and can get back to the school to pick him up at sometime so I get to be a mum as well as a TA. He is so happy, has loads of friends again and is thriving.

We have an executive head and he has now decided that next year Im going to be moved into Year 3 (DC will be in Year 4). There are 9 other TA's who don't have DC in KS2 yet he decides to send me, the only one who does.

Im so upset and there is nothing I can do about it. I totally get that it's for the benefit of the children currently in Year 2 but my child is a pupil as well and his needs are being totally overlooked.

There seems to be 3 options, suck it up and go back to him basically being a social outcast, me leave and find another job or change school for him which is going to be difficult as we live rurally and the next nearest school is nearly 30 minutes away.

I just don't get why anyone would make this decision...it's really bad practice unless absolutely necessary which it really isn't in this case.

Were the friendship struggles down to you being a TA at the school? I have a couple of friends who are teachers at their child’s school, and my dad’s wife is a TA at her daughters school and it doesn’t seem to have caused any friendship issues for them.

I don’t really see the issue? Why would you being a TA in the year below prevent his friendships? Especially as he already knows those children?

I don’t see how it would affect play dates etc either?

I don't quite get why it did either but it did. It was almost like they kept their distance and he ended up a very lonely little boy. A lot of his friends ended up in my class which was the tricky thing.

Maybe Im worrying unnecessarily but he had such an awful year and Id do anything to stop him feeling like that again especially when there are other options.

Are you sure the reason for his struggles is to do with you being there as TA, maybe there were other things going on? I've been a pupil in schools with my mum and dad and didn't find it had any effect on relationships, though would probably have found it terribly embarrassing in my teens. Have you talked to him about it? I'm sure it won't be too bad for him, if you were in the same class all the time then that would be more difficult. I know it's the same Ks but you shouldn't be with him all that much this way should you?

I know lots of staff who have family as staff
With no problems, can you ask other staff or pupils what the problem is ?

He had tons of friends all through Reception and Year 1 then as soon as I went into the same Year as him it all went wrong. It was almost like they were scared of being friends with him in case I told them off or something. I found it very stressful as well as I was continually on edge looking for anything he was doing wrong (which is crazy but I felt he had to be on his best behaviour all the time which is hard going for a 7 year old).

Because of the set up of the school Y3 and Y4 have break together so Id see him most break times. Ive spoken to him and he really doesn't want me to be there. He is so easy going and nothing phases him usually but he is adamant that it's his space and I don't need to be there.

I think if Id have stayed there this year we could have muddled through but he's had such a good year that Im so reluctant to go back to how it was.

I found it very stressful as well as I was continually on edge looking for anything he was doing wrong (which is crazy but I felt he had to be on his best behaviour all the time which is hard going for a 7 year old). Ive spoken to him and he really doesn't want me to be there.

This is where you are struggling to separate your parenting and working, and that is nothing to do with having your child at the same school as you. Many, many school staff do it without issues.

You need to stop worrying about what he is doing at school and on the playground and let his teachers sort it out. You're a TA, and whilst valuable, if you are stepping in and getting involved in his classroom matters because you are onsite, then it is you that is massively overstepping.

My son is at my school. When he started he would come to me if something went wrong on the playground, and he was immediately redirected to the yard duty teacher. I didn't deal with it. If something happened in class, I didn't walk into his classroom and demand action, I would make an appointment with his teacher, like any other parent would, to discuss an issue if I felt it needed to be raised. If he misbehaves, suck it up princess and take the consequences, don't come crying to my classroom. If I see him on the playground and he comes up to me, that's fine, but I don't approach him or get involved in anything he is doing out there.

No I’m honestly not...that’s not what I mean. I don’t speak to him at all during school time. I see him at break time but never “get involved” so to speak...if he does wrong then one of my colleagues desks with it and I have no idea what goes on in the classroom unless his teacher tells me. It’s more an awareness of him being there if that makes sense...like if he moves around and talks in assembly I’m aware of him doing it and I feel that he shouldn’t.

Maybe it is me that has the issue. It’s only me and his older brother at home so it just feels like being at school all day with him as well is just too much. I need to do my job (and I do it well) and I need to be a mum...I’m finding it difficult to separate the 2 when we are in the same building.

Highlight the issue to the head maybe they aren't aware.

If nothing can be changed then make sure you keep up playdates. Are there any school mums you could reach out to? If a school mum told me your situation I would tell my child to try and make sure your child is included. Tell your son I wont be dealing with you in the playground you will have to go to someone else, in front of friends if helpful.

Really thoughtless by HT.

I am a TA and work in my dc’s old primary school ( both are now at secondary). I think the problem sounds like it is with you and your child is picking up on your anxieties. The best bit of advice I was given when I started working at my dc’s school ( dd was in year 5, ds in year 3 at the time) was to never get involved in dealing with issues with your own children unless it was necessary. If I spotted something like talking in assembly etc I ignored it and let other staff members deal with it. If I saw something in the playground involving my dc’s ,more often than not someone else had also seen it and dealt with it. Occasionally, I spoke to another member of staff and asked them to keep an eye as I had seen something I didn’t like etc. It never caused a problem with friendships. As far as the other children were concerned I was ds’s mum ( they all knew my first name and called me by my first name outside school) but when I was in school I was Mrs Cassgate and I was a member of staff and they treated me as such. It didn’t stop ds in particular from getting into trouble. On a few occasions I had the head ask me to come into her office for a chat with my parent hat on. It was never held against me and was surprisingly reassuring that my child was being treated the same as everyone else. Are there any other members of staff who have or have had children at the school? If there are then speak to them and find out how they handled the situation. I also think it would be a good idea to speak to your dc and find out how they feel about you being on site so you can reassure them.

Last time you were in the same year. This time you are not. That may be all the separation you need for there to be no problem, but if it's concerning you enough that you're thinking of leaving, I think a chat with the HT is in order.

I think it's a shame that things didn't work out for you and your ds last year, but you can't really be angry with the HT and blame him for not taking your ds's "needs" into account.

It's so common for teachers and TAs to teach in the same school as their children and it doesn't usually cause a problem.

My dd is now at secondary school, but she used to go to the primary where I teach and it was fine. She's always had friends come back for playdates, parties and sleepovers.