What bit goes?

[hellaholla]

I'm lucky enough to work in a school I love, with amazing students, supportive SLT who have invested in me and my career. I am lucky enough to really relish my job.

But I also recognise I give too much to it. I work ludicrous hours in-school, including weekends and holidays (nature of my subject). I still have marking, planning, replying to emails to do after my dc go to bed. I think about the job all the time, even when I'm not at school. I'm with my kids and thinking about the job. I miss time with my own kids to facilitate experiences for other people's kids. And then I'm not making the most of the time I do have with them.

And the thing is I don't know how to stop. Or even if I should. Both my parents were teachers and my memory of them during my childhood is them doing school work, talking about school and missing my assemblies, sports days etc. And here I am repeating the pattern.

The only out I can see is giving up teaching.

But before I make that drastic move, I need to try getting a better work/life balance.

Has anyone cracked this? Anyone any tips for saying 'no' when what you're being asked to do is largely for the best of the students you teach? I'm lucky enough not to be at a box ticking school.

I'm at school feeling guilty about my own dc. I'm at home feeling guilty about not doing school work.

Is it just all or nothing with teaching? Or can a balance be struck?

Thank you for reading.

I work like crazy during the school week Monday to Thursday and Friday day. Every minute is devoted to school. I stay at work late, work as soon as I get home and don’t finish until midnight.
On Friday at 5pm I come home and do not do any work at all until I walk back into school on Monday.

This works for me

I went part time to get the balance back and if I work flat out in the week I have my weekends back . I also feel cheerful and positive about work and have time to mark properly and plan the sort of lessons I enjoy teaching and I’m involved in 3 school clubs which I wouldn’t do if I had a heavier timetable . My DH is away at least half of every month on an ever changing rota so it also gives me the slack to deal with the kids on my own. However , this does mean I essentially work full time for half the pay . I think if I sat down and really thought about it I could be more effective with the sort of homework I set to cut down marking and be less precious about worksheets etc as I usually end up making my own. It’s a job that tends I expand into the time you have as you can always do it better. I genuinely couldn’t be full time now and it does worry me as ideally we could do with me picking up more hours.

Part time works for me.
But it sounds like you’re doing an insane amount of work. Weekends and holidays? Are you music/drama/PE? You don’t have to be responsible for every extra-curricular commitment. Can others in your department pick up the slack? Otherwise it is perfectly ok to put in place boundaries about how much time out of school you are willing to put in and then ruthlessly only accept commitments that fit in with that.

Part time.
I do 0.6. I have time to look after my own kids two days a week. I work in the evening on the days I work and on Sundays for a few hours max.
Other then that I'm now of the mindset that if it's urgent or important it gets done. The rest? Well it can wait. Or not get done.

Because frankly, I'm not shortening my lifespan or marriage for a job which is wonderful, but often exhausting and thankless.

I'm not a teacher but I have had identical conversations with my friend who is and who also does 'too much'. What we ended up talking about was what she was actually doing that was sort of above and beyond, if that makes sense. Can you pin point what it is that is taking up the time? She taught DT and would spend a ridiculous amount of time making examples to show the students etc. When she compared herself to her colleagues it was quite obvious what extra she was doing. Can you see anything like that?

It's great that you care and teaching is such a hard job. But other posters are right, you need to find a way to make it at least a week time job so you have the weekends for your family.

The only solutions I have found are going part time or moving to the independent sector. These are not perfect solutions as the former cuts down your wage and promotion opportunities while the latter may come with high extra curricular expectations/demanding parents (although schools are very varied). If it's arising from your personality, counselling could help. However, I would say I have high expectations but I've never worked through the holidays, apart from odd days here and there. How are you even managing that with DC?

I’m very similar to you. Love, love, love my job. Perfect school (for me), not excessive in terms of paperwork. I only do 5 hours at home (Sundays).But I spend far too long out of hours THINKING about it.

I’m getting much better. I have an hour of counselling once a fortnight, which I often use to offload work stuff. It’s child protection that gets to me.

I tried part time, by the way. Didn’t work for me at all. I felt like I wasn’t doing either home or school well enough. Good childcare and family routine helps now.

I meant to say that for me independent has massively cut down on marking due to fewer students (even though I mark more work per student), so that's made the biggest difference to me. The last year I was in state I spent over 30 hours one half term just writing UCAS subject references for nearly 100 students!

I’m in a similar situation to you and just starting to try and figure this out. I think teaching requires a certain level of commitment compared to some roles and I love my school and the children in it. I’ve decided to not work weekends at all - starting with not working tonight which is freaking me out a bit. I work hard mon-fri incl the evenings and I think that’s enough. I want to enjoy life and my own children too. Maybe commit to that first? Completely free weekend?