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Original poster

Ttc but need out of current school wwyd?

36 replies

glowingtwigs · 31/12/2018 23:05

I'm increasingly unable to imagine staying much longer at my current school/in ft teaching/education at all. The behaviour of the kids is awful, SLT are getting more ridiculous by the day and every holiday I feel sick about going back.

Issue is, I'm trying for a baby and so feel trapped at the current school (I've done 12 years so flipping deserve maternity pay) yet at the same time feel worried that the stress there is preventing me getting pregnant again.

I feel like I should try another school before I jack in teaching for good, but how can I do this if ttc? I couldn't bear the thought of turning up to a new job and then saying 'yeah sorry, I'm pregnant'. I don't want to delay the baby making as I'm now in my late 30s. But then I can't put my life on hold can I? What if it doesn't happen?

Should I just give up my responsibilities and go pt? Or fly free and do supply? Help! I need a plan!

Ps DH says 'whatever makes you happy'. Teaching just doesn't any more.

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 31/12/2018 23:07

Can you afford to go without enhanced maternity pay so you don't have to go back? Just take the statutory you're (rightly) entitled to and leave at the end?

Original poster
glowingtwigs · 31/12/2018 23:15

@Bobbiepin yes, I could afford to do that and likely would, or go very part time.

Trouble is, I'm worried I won't get preg staying there as it's making me so stressed.

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BarbarianMum · 01/01/2019 00:32

Sympathy. I once gave up a stressful job after a year of unsuccessfully trying to conceive- got pregnant 6 weeks later.

seven201 · 01/01/2019 00:55

Hmmn tricky. I think I'd feel the same. Would feel too guilty about leaving. What are you doing to de-stress? I'm a teacher ttc too and I've recently started acupuncture to see if that helps. Also, I do have a bit more of an 'it's just a job' attitude than I used to. Don't get me wrong, I care about the kids, but I'm important too.

Original poster
glowingtwigs · 01/01/2019 02:42

@seven201 thing is, I've been telling anyone who will listen for years that it is just a job. It frustrates me all the martyrdom that surrounds teaching- it shouldn't be this stressful and people should just be able to work moderately hard then go home and live a life. Not being able to have a baby because of work stress is life limiting for me and I care more about having my own kid than other people's.

Anyway... when I did get preg it was the summer holidays 🧐 @BarbarianMum think that's the answer!

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Original poster
glowingtwigs · 01/01/2019 02:43

@seven201 how do you find the acupuncture? I've made contact with one to start next week but I'm not too keen on needles...

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jessstan2 · 01/01/2019 02:51

Glowing twigs. First of all you must relax, go travelling in your head, be in beautiful surroundings, listen to gentle music. Do some colouring in. Then when you do become pregnant, you will be generally more relaxed.

At that time you plan your escape from school, good luck with that and the other things. Please keep us up to date.

Flowers
Fizzyhedgehog · 01/01/2019 07:39

It took us four years to conceive DS (and help from the fertility clinic, due to a few early losses). I just gave up worrying one day. Live goes on one way or another and you can't put everything on hold because you TTC.
Yes, it meant I walked into a job and had to tell them in the second week that I was pregnant....
It was better than the time I was meant to start a new job and had to have the first two weeks off because of an emergency op to remove an ectopic pregnancy.

We're currently TTC number two. I've applied for new jobs. Who knows whether it will take us another four years?

Fizzyhedgehog · 01/01/2019 07:40

*life
Goodness...

MissSusanScreams · 01/01/2019 07:46

Just do it. I waited for ages and ages in a toxic school and it really damaged my mental health. Leave as soon as possible and do something else if you have to.

You only get one life. Go for it.

Bobbiepin · 01/01/2019 08:18

MissSusan is right. If you can do something else that'll make you happy then do. How long have you been trying?

seven201 · 01/01/2019 08:57

I've only had one acupuncture so far. It is a bit odd looking at a needle poking out but it's not painful at all.

I think you should job search. You have no idea how long it will take to fall pregnant and it may well be the change you need to fall pregnant. Put yourself first.

MaisyPops · 01/01/2019 09:02

fizzy is spot on.
I held off applying for some jobs because we were TTC. Over 2 years later we are still trying. We decided to live our lives and if and when a baby arrives then we'll deal with it even if it means tightening our belts a little.

Also look at which schools/MATs honour continuous service as there's some that will count all teaching in state schools for your continuous service. You could still keep your maternity pay if you go to a different school.

XmasMummy987 · 01/01/2019 20:25

I know a teacher at my child’s school who came for the Xmas term ( already pregnant ) and had her last day in December so got employed full time despite being pregnant so I doubt it would be a problem with other schools

astuz · 02/01/2019 13:47

I echo other PP - try to conceive AND apply for new jobs. You might not get pregnant for ages anyway, and if you do, then, yes, maybe you will have to go off on maternity leave almost as soon as you start, but the management will have dealt with similar situations before - don't fret about it, you've got to live your life, and at the moment you're not doing that if you stay in your current school.

Original poster
glowingtwigs · 02/01/2019 15:03

@jessstan2 thank you for the relaxation tips- I definitely need to do more things like that!

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Original poster
glowingtwigs · 02/01/2019 15:04

Thanks @MissSusanScreams that's really motivating advice. I need to look up how much notice I've got to give- is it usually a term?

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Original poster
glowingtwigs · 02/01/2019 15:08

Thanks @Fizzyhedgehog and @MaisyPops I think I just care too much about what SLT would say/think. You're both right though- this is what I need to feel better generally... I'm absolutely dreading going back on Monday.

The only other thing is I worry that supply or a new job would stress me even more as it would be new and I'd feel like I had to build up a reputation at a new place, where I've already got a good one at the current school. I'm feeling riddled with anxiety at the moment and I didn't used to be like this 🙁

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Original poster
glowingtwigs · 02/01/2019 15:12

@XmasMummy987 @astuz thank you for your advice- it is good to know that someone has been pregnant in a new job and has been employed anyway.

@Bobbiepin this is our 6th month ttc and got pregnant cycle 2. Not had some great hormone tests for fsh so need to get on with it really. I'm definitely too anxious about the whole thing. x

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2dogsandPG · 02/01/2019 18:57

I was in your shoes last year - TTC and hating my job. Left state education in July for a job in a private school to start Sept '18. The sudden drop in stress levels meant we finally conceived in July and am expecting a boy in April.

I had to take a pay cut but had responsibility before and now have none. Many private schools pay better.

It's the best decision I've ever made.

dragonmummy17 · 02/01/2019 19:04

Apply for new jobs. I have been ttc #2 since April. I applied for and got a new job in November. Started at the new school beginning of December (unusual circumstances) and found out I was pregnant the same week but miscarried on 25/12. TTC is something that's difficult to control but you can work towards making yourself happy in the meantime

Bobbiepin · 03/01/2019 18:00

I'm absolutely dreading going back on Monday.

This is so important. I've been there, it's awful. Get out as soon as you can, maternity matters don't matter as much if you're in a job you are happy in.

SuperHeroGirl · 03/01/2019 18:07

Apologies that I haven't RTFT, so someone may have already mentioned that if you are in a burgundy book school, you should be able to move schools within county and carry over your service. This will mean you get the same maternity pay/leave.
Won't work if you work for an Academy though Angry

Russell19 · 03/01/2019 18:39

I am kinda going against what others say but this time last year I was you. You should stay.

Stay, but completely switch off. It's hard but happened to me over night after a small emotional episode Blush one night after I got home. I had a nightmare class, lots of whole school monitoring, weird SLT who were a bit backstabbing, core subject lead with no TLR, job redundancies for TAs and loads more drama. My husband said it's got to change....

He said work is not life, we work to live not live to work and that we are just a number. I thought over that for the whole night. Yes teaching is important and you sound like you take it seriously which we should but we NEED to look after ourselves. Teaching is a job, it pays the bills, we don't do it for free or for the fun. You need to find a balance. Give up anything extra, don't stress about what people think, ask for what you want and switch off when you go home. God forbid any of us was to die, our schools would replace us in days!

Stay, switch off, relax, go home, make it your happy place, when you get that BFP your whole outlook changes, you put something else first. You'll get full mat pay then and a year off and you'll go back with a completely different mindset.

Hope this helps and feel free to message me. Xx

Original poster
glowingtwigs · 03/01/2019 18:59

Oh thank you so much @Russell19
How do I send you a direct message on here? x

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