Missing out on your own DC’s school events

[GreenTeacup]

I will be doing my PGCE next year. Youngest child will be in year 1, eldest off to college and 3 other DC between.

I have accepted that I will not be available for sports days or Christmas plays

BUT

My parents were both teachers and as parents they were extremely distant. This wasn’t caused by their career but wasn’t helped by it either. I remember vividly not having anyone there at plays and I feel this is having an effect on my judgement and I am already overcome with parental guilt.

I know that I am not my parents but I am really just wondering if anyone has experience? I am sure my children will be fine and I don’t know why this is bothering me so much but it is.

I will be doing my pgce next year too. My 4 dc will be between yrs 3-9. I currently work as a part time ta in my younger dcs’ school, so can make most events. I know I won’t be able to make them from next year, and I do feel guilty about it, but tbh there is always something to feel guilty about. I mean, I gave up my high flying career to raise my dc and I feel guilty about not giving my dc the best financial start in life. I have been a stay at home mum and now a part time working mum. I have hated being financially dependant, but I am glad I was around. What I mean is that there is always something that niggles at you.
I have been to sports days and assemblies etc, and the one thing that you notice is that your kids are getting on with their lives quite happily. Yes, they are happy to see a familiar face in the audience for a few seconds (it could be dad, grandparents etc anyone), but then they carry on with their class and you are just there making conversation with other parents.
At the moment I earn peanuts in a part time job that I enjoy, but that leaves me unfulfilled. I know I am not doing the best by myself and so I am not ‘practising what I am preaching’ to my dc.
I am going into teaching with my eyes wide open. I know it’s going to be long hours and hard work but I will have the hols (hopefully). I can’t be everywhere at once, so I’m not going to beat myself up about it.

I am sure you will make it work too, good luck with the teaching.

I work in a preschool, for the first time this year I won't see my eldest sons Christmas concert as it happens to fall on the same
Morning as our preschool one! My brother is going instead and DS seems even happier with this so I think as long as someone goes it doesn't matter too much! When we do days in class if there's a friend that parent couldn't make it we always take pictures if they ask to send over and include them in our stuff anyway so they aren't left out! Especially now they are juniors as many more of the parents are working.

As PP have said, how much you get out to depends mainly on your HT. Mine is fine about letting people go to stuff, and she goes to see her own DC's stuff.

It also depends on your DC's school. I have seen all of my DS's plays and sports days as they are in the evenings and Saturdays. However, I have seen very few of his weekday matches, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Evenings and Saturdays ?? That's got ro be a private school hasn't it?

Normal state teachers will miss an awful lot of their state educated kids school experience. They do get the hokidays though.

Teachers are leaving in droves, especially parents/older teachers. There's a reason for it...

Yes my DS goes to a Prep.

However, there was a thread on here recently about a standard state Primary doing two evening showings of their Nativity. My own state school holds the Summer fete in the evening (and it used to be on a Saturday).

As I said, it depends on the HT and the school.

I think only private schools do sports days on a Saturday. It is a real positive in favour of using them that you can actually get to see their events.

Our local infants everything is held either 9am or 2pm.

Most schools allow parents to attend important events like first day of school etc - you just have to be prepared to put yourself out to cover someone else so they can attend things at their child's school, if you expect others to cover you.

Most schools allow parents to attend important events like first day of school etc

I don’t think you can generalise like that. I’ve worked in 4 schools and none have been fine about that sort of thing. It’s very much down to individual heads.

Nor here. And depends how far away the school is and timing.

We have end of topic shows and displays all in term time. And a "chamce to look at their work coffee mornings." Several a term in total.

you just have to be prepared to put yourself out to cover someone else

Can't do that in primary, unfortunately.

you just have to be prepared to put yourself out to cover someone else

That really isn’t possible in primary though.

I've found my HT very good about this so far. I think secondary does offer more flexibility. She does play favourites though. I'm in favour at the moment so I was allowed out; a colleague of mine also with a reception child wasn't.

My daughter is now 13.

I went to 1 Xmas play and 1 sports day the whole time she was at primary. I missed lots of events and I really regret it. I asked for tine unpaid and offered to swap hours etc but 3 different heads had always refused requests.

I left the classroom at Easter and don't intend going back. This is part of the reason. I now work for myself and earn less but can take time off to be a parent when I need to.

I'm going to miss my son's first nativity tomorrow and I'm gutted! My HT refused to give leave and makes you feel like shit for asking. Yet she bangs on to parents about going to their child's events. I actually feel like bunking work so I can see him. My DP is also a teacher so can't go either. I think hope my DS will be fine. I won't be

That’s shit, Lloydcole, and will be remembered I’m sure the next time they want extra from you. So shortsighted. Is there another parent who could take a picture of it for you, I found telling ds “Jack’s mum is clapping for you and will send me a picture” helped a bit.