Did it knock your confidence? I’ve been teaching for over ten years and for the past couple have been consistently rated as outstanding in all my observations in two different schools by different observers and I’ve had outstanding exam results. I still feel that sense of imposter syndrome all the time and frequently wonder if I’m good enough.
A few days ago I had an interview and got sent home after I taught the lesson. As the lesson was first on the itinerary, that meant I was walking back down the school drive less than two hours after I’d arrived, feeling completely humiliated.
I am not devastated about not getting the job. If I’d done the whole day and lost out to another candidate I’d be better able to shrug it off. I liked the school but wasn’t desperate for the job.
However, I didn’t get a chance to say anything, to talk to anyone - literally taught the lesson, got told I pitched it wrongly (too high for the ability of the students) and that they wouldn’t be proceeding with the interview. One other candidate got sent home as well, leaving just one there.
I’m mortified because I didn’t realise the lesson was so bad. I knew it was pitched too high once I was in there and did my best to adapt, but the kids produced some ok work and answered my questions and I felt like it was ok - not my best, but I didn’t at any point think it was so awful they wouldn’t even bother to interview me afterwards.
So, now I keep thinking maybe my lessons really are crap and I’m not seeing it. When I’m in front of a class now, I keep faltering, my stomach curling in on itself with humiliation.
I can see why it makes sense if they know they aren’t going to hire someone not to waste the time carrying on, but I feel like it happened so quickly that it blindsided me. I only briefly met the Head and HoD, my lesson was observed by the class teacher and then I was gone.
I would really like to be able to push it out of my head, but it’s really got to me. Has anyone else experienced this?