Scared to be a teacher?

[xoguineas]

I’m thinking of applying for my PGDE to start next year but I keep talking myself out of it and I don’t know why. For years I’ve wanted to be a primary teacher but when it comes to it I get to anxious/worried and doubt myself.

I have loads of experience working with children, in and out of a school environment, and I love it. I know I want a career working with children/young people and their families and I love being in a school and the whole atmosphere with it. I have worked as a tutor and classroom assistant and loved both of those jobs however the thought of becoming the actual teacher terrifies me. I struggle a lot with my mental health and have done for a few years (panic attacks/depression whilst at university).

Since the birth of my first child earlier this year I have recently been diagnosed with PND and have been having some panic attacks/anxiety/paranoia so not sure if this is having an effect on my fear of going back to uni/pursuing teaching. I know that I am capable of working with children and am able to help them learn and I honestly enjoy it so much, but the thought of being a teacher and being the main person in charge of it all (instead of supplementing the learning via classroom assistant/tutor) honestly terrifies me and I don’t know if this means it’s not for me?

Is it normal to feel this way/has anyone felt this way and been able to have a successful career as a teacher? I’m worried my mental health will hold me back and am determined not to let it but also am scared of taking the leap. Is this common or is it just that I’m likely not cut out to be a teacher?

It's normal.

That said, classroom teaching is the easy but (Secondary English). The crap from management and, to a lesser extent, parents makes the job very stressful.

I would do the PGCE - you'll never know if you can do it unless you try. But be careful when applying for jobs. Trust your instinct because if you think a school is wrong for you, it probably is. If you're a strong person with a lot of self belief, you can weather the storm and move on. If you're less confident, you need to be in the right school for your NQT year.

@Cynderella it's the classroom teaching I'm most terrified for. I'm rubbish at presentations and have only really worked with smaller groups of children at once (most has been 12) so an entire class of faces looking at me seems so scary. I'm wanting to apply and give it a go but also don't want to waste anyone's time if I'm rubbish at it.

I'm not sure I'm able to pick my school for the NQT/probation year (Scotland). I think we just give LAs we'd be able to work in and get placed from there but I will keep that in mind when choosing those and applying for jobs (if I pass!). Thank you for replying.

Yes, it's scary because you don't do it in normal life.

Most of us get used to it pretty quickly. Some people just can't do it, but it's less often than you think. Most get through the PGCE but some find it harder than others.

Give it a go.

I'd say give it a go, but it's a pretty shit profession for your mental health so be prepared for that

My opinion is that you may be cut out to be a teacher, but being a teacher in the state system at the moment is a very stressful experience, probably detrimental to most people's mental health and not just those that are vulnerable. On that basis, I would think about training but with an eye to doing something that is not full on whole class teaching in a very pressurized target driven environment, or perhaps supply, specialized tutoring (for particular age groups). I think the average length of new teachers' careers is about 5 years and there is a reason for that. I would never say to someone not to go for their dream, but a dose of realism is also needed, given the much-talked about stress of the environment these days.

@Orchiddingme I have heard it's difficult and have seen many posts about teachers becoming ill/leaving the profession. I'm currently doing supply as a classroom assistant but work isn't reliable and I need a stable income for my family so not sure I could do that. Tutoring is a good idea though or another education/school based job that maybe isn't full on teaching. I just feel so scared of the unknown but it is something I've wanted to do for years

Lots of teachers I know hate public speaking. It’s different when you’re actually in the classroom.
You’ve said you’ve got experience in that kind of setting- could someone have you in as a volunteer? Please don’t let the thought of public speaking put you off because it’s such a small part of the job.

A lot of classroom assistant posts have been cut too.

I think if you want to train, train, but perhaps keep flexible in terms of what you then go on to do. Also proper high paid regular tutoring can be great, say if you specialize in special needs, dyslexia, 11+ or GCSE/A level depending what your areas are, and is definitely less stressful than a classroom (but you don't need formal quals for that).

I can still remember the absolute terror I felt almost 20 years ago when I was left in front of my placement class for the first time. So much responsibility to keep them safe/happy, ensure they learned something (and retained it), and to not run screaming for the hills. I'm so glad I stuck it out. I mostly love teaching, the pupils are brilliant, the parents can be too (on a good day). I'm never bored when I'm teaching, the day flies past, no two days are the same.

The downsides are it's exhausting (and then you have more work to do at home), you never 'clear your tray' - there's always more you could do, the bloody paperwork can be ridiculous, it can be a very isolating job at times. I did it with 2 young children, and it's not particularly family friendly (apart from the holidays). I still needed some wrap-around care.

Teaching adults at evening classes? Or TEFL?

I had this fear, and still do when I move schools. It does go off, but it is utterly terrifying for the first few months. I have stood in front of classes shaking and feeling the sickness rising, I get it so bad. Weirdly though, I don't mind public speaking, because public speaking is generally to adults, who generally don't start talking/ignoring you/moaning that you are crap etc (unless you're a comedian!).

However, I have no mental health issues whatsoever and many people with mental health issues do struggle as a teacher because the job is so mentally draining.

As others have said, I would maybe do the PGDE, but I would then look at other options besides whole class teaching in a state school environment (I definitely would NOT recommend this in your condition - it'll probably make your mental health a whole lot worse) - I wonder if you'd suit working in an SEN/PRU type units or teaching in a hospital/prison etc.? So working with much smaller groups of children? I've met a few people who love PRUs because they job is half-counsellor/half-teacher and they can really get to know the kids and feel like they're making a difference.

@Singlenotsingle I'm not sure about teaching adults, it's children I love working with but TEFL is a good idea. I will look into that.

@castasp I've never actually thought about teaching in a different environment to state school! I love the idea of working in a PRU but I've had a google and can't seem to find any in Scotland? Is there a different name for them up here?

Thank you everyone, I appreciate all the replies/advice.

Teaching has changed out of all recognition in the decade since I trained and I wouldn’t be quick to jump in again. I love the kids, love the teaching, love my colleagues, but often management is chaotic and you are at the whims of people who change their minds a lot. I am prone to anxiety and depressive episodes and teaching is very good when you’re actually in front of the kids as you have to put on a brave face and get on with it, but dreadful behind the scenes as you constantly question whether you’re good enough/doing enough. The scrutiny is CONSTANT, intrusive and hurtful and you are expected to be able to justify everything. Data is king and arse covering is rife.

I'm England based, so no idea what PRUs are called in Scotland. There's not just PRUs (which are basically for 'excluded' kids). I know of someone who used to work in a school specifically for children with SEBD (social emotional behaviour disorders?). Maybe someone in Scotland will come on and enlighten us on whether those kinds of schools exist or not and if so, what they're called.

@castasp that sounds interesting as well! Hoping so, I'd like to find out some more information about different types of schools/units to see what I might prefer.

There are very limited adult classes about now, other than access, you’d probably end up teaching FE which seems along way from your original aim of teaching primary.