Teaching and mum - how the f***?

[BananaBlaps]

How do people make it work?
Currently have a 16 month old and am pregnant.
Currently work 0.6 at the school I was at before mat leave.
1 hrs commute to central London so I can’t do drop offs. My husband starts work at 7. Also can’t do drop offs.
So cos of this currently my mum looks after DC when I’m at work.

But that childcare situation is pretty shit and can’t can’t continue once the new baby is here. I’ll leave current job and try and find a local PT job I guess after my mat leave / 2nd baby is old enough - but there is sod all PT available atm so not full of hope.

Working PT is pretty crap as a teacher anyway.

How the hell do people manage nursery pick up and drop offs with teaching?

With my husband’s hours he could do neither pick up or drop off. I don’t think it’s possible for me to do both without my school being 5 mins from nursery.

Feel like my career is over, I have no choice over what work I could get and that the whole thing is pretty shit for me.

Any advice?

[Theusual]

I had a child carer come to the house each morning then they took dc to school. I got her through an agency.

I also used a nursery pick up and drop off service which was flexible re times.

Also had a childminder one day a week who again was flexible.

Build up your contacts. I spent a long time ringing different places and asking around. That way I found a nursery manager whose children went to the same school as mine, a childminder who lived on my road and a newly registered childminder who was looking for new children.

Note: not saying it was easy

[Ilove]

I’m a nanny, ofsted registered and self employed. Currently have 9 regular families.

I start at any time - most days by 6am. Finish any time - my earliest finish is 7.30pm. I work weekends and do overnights. Charge a set rate per hour for up to 3 children per family. Take kids with SN, newborns, shift workers and only charge for the hours you need.

We’re out there. Not many of us but we do exist...

[BananaBlaps]

Thanks! That is really sound advice theusual.

ilove - good to know! You sound amazing!

Feeling a lot more hopeful!

[Ilove]

I’m really not - there are many reasons I. Work the way I do, we foster too...but there is help out there. I’m in W Yorks, so you are far more likely to find help in London!

[millimat]

@twolittleboysonetiredmum how had it gone easier going from 0.6 to full time?
OP the other thing is that an hours commute takes away time from your children. I think this is a massive thing esp when you have two. I'd be looking for a job closer to home. It is tough though - most part time jobs arise through people being FT and requesting a change of hours.

[Grobagsforever]

FGS. Tell your DH to step the hell up. Why is it all on you? What example are you setting to your children by letting it be all on you?

EVERY professional working mum I know has successfully negotiated a flexible working arrangement. About 5 percent of the men I know have asked and NONE have been refused. If your DH was a woman he'd have a flexible working arrangement by now,

Why do you tolerate all the impact being your career whilst he protects his earning power? Why do women do this?!!!!!

[Grobagsforever]

DO not quit your job while DH refuses to flex his. Seriously. It's 2018.

[Mistressiggi]

Agree strongly with grobags. You are in a better position to negotiate with him while you still have a job too, much harder once you’re sahm. Though what a shame it’s a negotiation.
To the poster sceptical about full time being easier than part time - at work it definitely is. If I worked full time I’d have done all my prep already (as use it for the days I’m in already) and would have more time for all the stuff management want me to do. I have worked ft and pt since having dc so have experience of both. What isnt easier is home life when you’re ft.

[BananaBlaps]

millimat - I imagine the teaching / job satisfaction side of things is easier if FT. And that in turn impacts your quality of life. I think I’d like to go FT as soon as possible but not while my kids are really little.

grobags I have to defend my DH! He’s already informally agreed to have one fixed day off per week (he has condensed hours as all his colleagues do but the day used to vary). We’ve been discussing and have agreed that one solution may have to be him trying to get more flexible working. It would mean he loses money though as he gets paid more for his crazy shift pattern. And money is tight. So he’s onboard I promise. But for me - I don’t want that long commute if there’s the possibility of working locally. Plus my current school is not for me anyway - I would’ve left ages ago but stayed for the mat leave and then the second mat leave! So I will be resigning. It’s frightening not having a job to go back to but this school has made me so miserable at times I know it’s the right thing to do.

[millimat]

I couldn't imagine having an hour commute twice a day

[millimat]

If I worked full time I’d have done all my prep already (as use it for the days I’m in already) and would have more time for all the stuff management want me to do. I have worked ft and pt since having dc so have experience of both.

Surely your prep would need to be done for every day though ?

[Mistressiggi]

No because I teach a lot of core classes so the planning is already done (bar tweaking for different students’ needs)

[millimat]

Even so, wouldn't there be two extra days worth of marking?

[Mistressiggi]

I'm not sure what your point is. To teach a 60% timetable involves the same preparation for lessons as if I were full time. But with 60% of the marking. There is also a disproportionate amount of time on management tasks - if there's a new reporting format, for example, I can't plan only 60% of it I do the lot.
All I can speak to is my experience and full time is less work proportionately. And you have the two extra days, extra frees, extra time after school to do the work in.

[interuptus]

I have just taken on a job Nannying for a child who is home educated and I bring my daughter along with me. That way I am paid to be with my DD so zero childcare costs and minimal planning.
I only work at school 2 days a week and my DH has her on these days.
Just offering a different way of doing things.

[millimat]

@Mistressiggi I wasn't being funny. I'm 0.6 but don't think I could physically do any more hours. I plan for 60% of the time so teach and mark that. For me, extra hours would mean extra planning as well as extra marking. And for one hour extra ppa it's not worth the additional workload, given that the average day teaching equates to 2 hours marking. I wish it was!

[Mistressiggi]

I think that’s down to subject/stage differences, I can literally use the same lessons for each yeargroup all week except for the seniors doing exams.
There are other bits that are harder part time too - if there’s a lunchtime meeting that’s 1/3 of my lunches gone, only 1/5 for ft, and I’d have 5 after school chances to get some work done instead of 3. (I don’t do any schoolwork on the days I’m not in).

[ca101]

I teach English and Lit. and am a single dad trying to pay a mortgage and child maintenance as well as seeing my kids a lot. I commute an hour each way and am currently 0.6 so that I could see my little one properly (though his mum has now moved him away from everything else in his life to move in with some new guy 10 months after we split up when our little one was 3 months old, awfully!). Either way, I still have my older son from a previous 6 nights of 14, and to be honest, it really does feel like a job I simply can't manage any more. I literally only have time to be a dad or to work, and nothing else at all. I get behind at work sometimes because English is so ridiculous and I refuse to stick my kids in front of the telly all the time just to accommodate work. Even as a 0.6, I probably do 50 hours a week just to survive.

Long story short, I totally get the OP's point. If I look around, I can't see ANY single parents to young children - certainly none in SLT or any other higher position. It makes me miserable, to be honest, and if I knew how I could survive, I'd snap your hand off for a career change or similar.

[TuTru]

Au pair?

Personally I just juggle and struggle as I can’t afford paid childcare anyway xx

[rabbitmat]

I always struggled with this too. Even when DC started school the breakfast club didn't start until 8 so that was little help. I had to get completely organised the day before so that when I came in to school I didn't have much to do.

I went from 0.4 to full time once but when I applied I asked if I could have a half day off (so I bit like an NQT in terms of hours but obviously not paid for the half day). I had my half day on the same day as my PPA so it was an easier day. Being full time wasn't as hard as I thought and after a year of doing it I was able to cut down to 0.8.

[Mistressiggi]

I struggle enough with a husband so hats off to everyone doing this alone

[jaffacake2]

Hope that your mum doesn't read this that you think childcare at moment from her is shit . Great appreciative attitude !

[BananaBlaps]

I didn’t mean my mum was shit. I meant that situation is not tenable. It’s too much for her. Long days with a ridiculously early start. I couldn’t possible expect her to do it with 2.

[captainflash]

ca101 I’m a full time Assistant Head of a three form Primary - plus a single mum to 2!
It’s bloody hard work.

OP- moving to a school closer may well be the only option. They only way I can keep my life ticking over is that my DD goes to my school and my DS is at the secondary over the road. We have a ten min walking commute.

Things are doable. I just have to make them work otherwise we’d all starve!

[FluteMum]

OP, I didn't read all the comments but here is what I do. I have a 4yo and a 1 year old. My 4yo is at nursery at my school and the baby is at home with a nanny. The nanny costs almost every single penny I earn, so I basically work for free. I worked for free the first few years after my 4yo was born for the same reason. DH has an hour and a half commute to work, I have 45 mins (by public transport). Our commutes are in different directions so we can't just move closer to work. People in my family have asked why I bother going to work because I don't make any money from it. But I go because I want to advance my career, and because I like the challenge. It's not fun living off dh's wages but we make it work. I hope once I get to headteacher I'll earn enough to make up for these years of scrimping and saving. Honestly, I'd love free childcare from a relative but that's not an option for me. Could your mum do the nursery drop-offs or pickup? If not then I think you'd have to pay someone. You're lucky to get any free help tbh.