Teaching and mum - how the f***?

[BananaBlaps]

How do people make it work?
Currently have a 16 month old and am pregnant.
Currently work 0.6 at the school I was at before mat leave.
1 hrs commute to central London so I can’t do drop offs. My husband starts work at 7. Also can’t do drop offs.
So cos of this currently my mum looks after DC when I’m at work.

But that childcare situation is pretty shit and can’t can’t continue once the new baby is here. I’ll leave current job and try and find a local PT job I guess after my mat leave / 2nd baby is old enough - but there is sod all PT available atm so not full of hope.

Working PT is pretty crap as a teacher anyway.

How the hell do people manage nursery pick up and drop offs with teaching?

With my husband’s hours he could do neither pick up or drop off. I don’t think it’s possible for me to do both without my school being 5 mins from nursery.

Feel like my career is over, I have no choice over what work I could get and that the whole thing is pretty shit for me.

Any advice?

[BananaBlaps]

My husband’s really not the bad guy in this. He’s completely open to talking to his employers. We’d lose a few k from his salary. It’s annoying that both our jobs are long hours and very early starts with long commutes. With not great salaries! So we’re a bit screwed really.

But realistically I need a more local job if I’m to do any of the pick up / drop offs and do a semi decent job at work. I can’t expect DH to do them all and I would struggle to leave work at 4.30 for a 5.30 pick up due to meetings etc etc Not to mention that I don’t like (ie hate) my current school anyway. Or enjoy wasting 2 hours a day commuting.

So I guess we’ll lose money - I’ll lose my inner London weighting and he’ll lose his shit hours bonus. Shit happens.

So that’s my conclusion...I’m gonna take my mat leave and then do supply whilst looking for a local job. My amazing DH will talk to his employers when he knows what’s what and what we need.

[Phineyj]

It is particularly hard due to the combo of early starts, inflexibility and not getting paid enough to afford a nanny. I mean, a friend of mine is an NHS consultant and she will be paying pretty much her entire salary after tax for the nanny she will require to go back to work 4 days a week. But she is paid a lot more than a teacher in a similar position.

I have recently moved from FT to 0.5 in order to manage to share childcare more equally with my DH (we are both highly specialised and have long commutes) but the 8.40 registrations are still a problem. Fortunately my school are v v reasonable and aren't making me do them on the days DH isn't available.

If your DH genuinely works for a unique organisation and is valued there then I really do think he is going to have to take some of the hit on this one. It is better that you are both making some changes and compromises and both earning. For one thing, it always seems to be easier to get a job when you're in a job. He must understand that you are having DC rather close together. Did he not expect a bit of stress/changes?! Would the pay he loses for the anti social hours really be more than your entire salary?

[LockedOutOfMN]

When ours were little (they're now 6 and 9) and I was teaching I would get up at 6.30 with the baby and give them breakfast then hand over to DH when I left at 7.15. DH would then wake the elder one and take them to nursery which is about 12 minutes' walk from home with a pushchair and toddler. Then he'd go to work. Our part-time 'housekeeper' would collect them at 3pm, bring them home and put them down for naps/play with them until I got home at 6.15pm. Hk worked until 7pm and would prepare our dinner or do some hoovering/changing beds/tidying (like putting away laundry that we'd washed and hung out to dry). DH would get home from work at 8.15pm and we'd have dinner then put down the LOs together, and I'd crack on with planning and marking.

That suited us financially and we were really lucky to have the same HK for years and she adapted to us (and slightly changed her hours).

Nowadays I get up at 6ish, go for a short run, shower, go off to work at 7.15, and DH gets up the DC at 7.45/8, gives them breakfast, brings them to school on the bus at 8.45, (they attend my school but don't have to be in until much later than me) then he goes to work. HK picks up DC at 4.30 and takes them to after school activities Monday to Thursday, gives them a snack and/or supervises homework/play/reading. I get home at 6.15 unless parents' evening, theatre trip or similar. DH gets home at 8.15 and we eat dinner together.

On Fridays the DCs get to run wild in the playground with their friends until about 5.20 then I take them home (no HK on Fridays).

HK also does a couple of hours' cleaning for us in the week when the house is empty.

[BananaBlaps]

It really is - But it’s the early starts that’s the huge problem! Hope you get some rest today -

[FluteMum]

Bananablaps I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so rude. I've also been up since stupid o'clock this morning and was grumpy. I really hope you can find something that works for your family. Being a teacher and a mum is really hard!

[BananaBlaps]

Yes of course I’m lucky that my mum can help for now. That’s not what this is about. No, I can’t drop 2 kids off at hers at 6.30 every day and expect my mother to take them to nursery. It’s too early and frankly she is too elderly. The reason I wrote this thread is that the situation with my mum can’t continue.

I could say to you that you’re lucky you can work for free and survive off your husband’s wages. That’s not an option for us. But I wouldn’t say that as your situation sounds hard too.

Sorry if I sound grumpy. I’ve been up since 3 and if you’re going to respond to a thread then you may as well read it!

Thanks to everyone for posting. I think I know what to do now and will be looking for a job nearer home. I’ll try to leave this thread now.

[FluteMum]

OP, I didn't read all the comments but here is what I do. I have a 4yo and a 1 year old. My 4yo is at nursery at my school and the baby is at home with a nanny. The nanny costs almost every single penny I earn, so I basically work for free. I worked for free the first few years after my 4yo was born for the same reason. DH has an hour and a half commute to work, I have 45 mins (by public transport). Our commutes are in different directions so we can't just move closer to work. People in my family have asked why I bother going to work because I don't make any money from it. But I go because I want to advance my career, and because I like the challenge. It's not fun living off dh's wages but we make it work. I hope once I get to headteacher I'll earn enough to make up for these years of scrimping and saving. Honestly, I'd love free childcare from a relative but that's not an option for me. Could your mum do the nursery drop-offs or pickup? If not then I think you'd have to pay someone. You're lucky to get any free help tbh.

[captainflash]

ca101 I’m a full time Assistant Head of a three form Primary - plus a single mum to 2!
It’s bloody hard work.

OP- moving to a school closer may well be the only option. They only way I can keep my life ticking over is that my DD goes to my school and my DS is at the secondary over the road. We have a ten min walking commute.

Things are doable. I just have to make them work otherwise we’d all starve!

[BananaBlaps]

I didn’t mean my mum was shit. I meant that situation is not tenable. It’s too much for her. Long days with a ridiculously early start. I couldn’t possible expect her to do it with 2.

[jaffacake2]

Hope that your mum doesn't read this that you think childcare at moment from her is shit . Great appreciative attitude !

[Mistressiggi]

I struggle enough with a husband so hats off to everyone doing this alone

[rabbitmat]

I always struggled with this too. Even when DC started school the breakfast club didn't start until 8 so that was little help. I had to get completely organised the day before so that when I came in to school I didn't have much to do.

I went from 0.4 to full time once but when I applied I asked if I could have a half day off (so I bit like an NQT in terms of hours but obviously not paid for the half day). I had my half day on the same day as my PPA so it was an easier day. Being full time wasn't as hard as I thought and after a year of doing it I was able to cut down to 0.8.

[TuTru]

Au pair?

Personally I just juggle and struggle as I can’t afford paid childcare anyway xx

[ca101]

I teach English and Lit. and am a single dad trying to pay a mortgage and child maintenance as well as seeing my kids a lot. I commute an hour each way and am currently 0.6 so that I could see my little one properly (though his mum has now moved him away from everything else in his life to move in with some new guy 10 months after we split up when our little one was 3 months old, awfully!). Either way, I still have my older son from a previous 6 nights of 14, and to be honest, it really does feel like a job I simply can't manage any more. I literally only have time to be a dad or to work, and nothing else at all. I get behind at work sometimes because English is so ridiculous and I refuse to stick my kids in front of the telly all the time just to accommodate work. Even as a 0.6, I probably do 50 hours a week just to survive.

Long story short, I totally get the OP's point. If I look around, I can't see ANY single parents to young children - certainly none in SLT or any other higher position. It makes me miserable, to be honest, and if I knew how I could survive, I'd snap your hand off for a career change or similar.

[Mistressiggi]

I think that’s down to subject/stage differences, I can literally use the same lessons for each yeargroup all week except for the seniors doing exams.
There are other bits that are harder part time too - if there’s a lunchtime meeting that’s 1/3 of my lunches gone, only 1/5 for ft, and I’d have 5 after school chances to get some work done instead of 3. (I don’t do any schoolwork on the days I’m not in).

[millimat]

@Mistressiggi I wasn't being funny. I'm 0.6 but don't think I could physically do any more hours. I plan for 60% of the time so teach and mark that. For me, extra hours would mean extra planning as well as extra marking. And for one hour extra ppa it's not worth the additional workload, given that the average day teaching equates to 2 hours marking. I wish it was!

[interuptus]

I have just taken on a job Nannying for a child who is home educated and I bring my daughter along with me. That way I am paid to be with my DD so zero childcare costs and minimal planning.
I only work at school 2 days a week and my DH has her on these days.
Just offering a different way of doing things.

[Mistressiggi]

I'm not sure what your point is. To teach a 60% timetable involves the same preparation for lessons as if I were full time. But with 60% of the marking. There is also a disproportionate amount of time on management tasks - if there's a new reporting format, for example, I can't plan only 60% of it I do the lot.
All I can speak to is my experience and full time is less work proportionately. And you have the two extra days, extra frees, extra time after school to do the work in.

[millimat]

Even so, wouldn't there be two extra days worth of marking?

[Mistressiggi]

No because I teach a lot of core classes so the planning is already done (bar tweaking for different students’ needs)

[millimat]

If I worked full time I’d have done all my prep already (as use it for the days I’m in already) and would have more time for all the stuff management want me to do. I have worked ft and pt since having dc so have experience of both.

Surely your prep would need to be done for every day though ?

[millimat]

I couldn't imagine having an hour commute twice a day

[BananaBlaps]

millimat - I imagine the teaching / job satisfaction side of things is easier if FT. And that in turn impacts your quality of life. I think I’d like to go FT as soon as possible but not while my kids are really little.

grobags I have to defend my DH! He’s already informally agreed to have one fixed day off per week (he has condensed hours as all his colleagues do but the day used to vary). We’ve been discussing and have agreed that one solution may have to be him trying to get more flexible working. It would mean he loses money though as he gets paid more for his crazy shift pattern. And money is tight. So he’s onboard I promise. But for me - I don’t want that long commute if there’s the possibility of working locally. Plus my current school is not for me anyway - I would’ve left ages ago but stayed for the mat leave and then the second mat leave! So I will be resigning. It’s frightening not having a job to go back to but this school has made me so miserable at times I know it’s the right thing to do.

[Mistressiggi]

Agree strongly with grobags. You are in a better position to negotiate with him while you still have a job too, much harder once you’re sahm. Though what a shame it’s a negotiation.
To the poster sceptical about full time being easier than part time - at work it definitely is. If I worked full time I’d have done all my prep already (as use it for the days I’m in already) and would have more time for all the stuff management want me to do. I have worked ft and pt since having dc so have experience of both. What isnt easier is home life when you’re ft.

[Grobagsforever]

DO not quit your job while DH refuses to flex his. Seriously. It's 2018.