I guess you can't have it all...

[Mylifeasacactus]

Hi,

I hope it's ok to post here. I really need to vent and I'm unable to talk to my friends about this.

So, I'm currently on maternity leave. My DD is 10 weeks old and I have been really excited to visit my school and see my class. For context:
I am currently in my 3rd year of teaching- I work incredibly hard, each lesson observation I have had has been judged outstanding and I am keen to do the best I can for the children I work with. Before I went on mat leave I was in talks with the head teacher about career progression to middle leadership. She was incredibly nurturing and encouraging and I felt I had genuine support to take these next steps. Nothing was set in stone but I was given more responsiblity (mentoring/ writing a curriculum single handedly- I work in SEND/ creating assessment documents to record progress which the whole school now use.)
This head is new and on her first day I had to tell her I was pregnant. She has only ever known me pregnant.
I went in for a visit and it felt amazing to be back with the children and my collegues and I was very proud to show my DD off to everyone.
The guy covering my post while I'm off is lovely and really good at what he does. He has been offered a job for when I come back (not sure whose space he will take? Or if there is a vacancy?!) He mentioned to me that he is being encouraged to take on more responsibility and take a leadership role. He's keen to see where this will take him. I'm happy for him because he is great for the children and is an asset to the school.
On the way out the head called me in for a chat.
She basically said her plans for next year when I am back. She said any promotion is on hold as I want to come back 4 days and I would no longer be suitable. She said it with the view that I would be more focussed on family than work (both my husband and I are sharing child care) I understood the sentiment but felt really let down. She said she didn't realise how serious I was about promotion (we used to have weekly meetings about new initiatives etc- she was pretty serious about it!)
I feel like I have been gone 11 weeks and they have already forgotten about me. They've filled my position with someone who is great but they are replacing me with him.
I love my DD so much. I am finding being a mum hard and this has made me feel like I have to choose a job I love or family. I hate the position I've been put in.
I'm sorry for the long post and rant. I really want to enjoy the time with my DD but this visit has made me feel conflicted. Feel free to tell me to shut up!!

I would go back after your mat leave ends and show her that you are focused on Work even if you have 1 day off a week. She will realise how focused you are and I’m sure you will progress.

Honestly I know it’s hard but I would put it to one side and concentrate on your baby. When you go back 4 days, carry on as you were (as much as you wish to/can with a little one!) and see what happens. I wouldn’t go back in for any chats or anything, concentrate on enjoying your mat leave. You’ll never get the time again, enjoy

I would be tempted to put your views and conversation on record perhaps in an email.

I would say that you are disappointed that she feels that returning for four days makes you no longer suitable for leadership following all the work and plans before your maternity leave etc etc.

Reiterate that you remain committed to your job and are keen to take on responsibility as you were engaged in doing before your leave.

Make it pleasant but be very clear. I think she is squeezing you out based on your maternity and part time status.

Here we have it - the gender pay gap in action.
You have a baby and you’re ‘no longer focussed on work’ or ‘not serious about promotion’.
He’s been there five minutes and they’re talking about promoting him.
We have job share deputy heads at our school. They only work three days a week each. They’re not being discriminated against.
I’m cross on your behalf OP!

Yep, this is why we need feminism. Lots of women don’t realise until they have children.

At my school you’re not allowed to apply for promotion if you’re part time. You’re totally sidelined.

Sorry but I think your Headteacher is not acting correctly.

I progressed to middle leadership after my first maternity leave, and then to senior leadership whilst pregnant with DC2. Your HTs attitude is very telling.

I'd be thoroughly pissed off if the HT told me I would be 'more focused on family'. Are they even allowed to say that? It would certainly not be allowed in a job interview situation! Like something out of the 1970s.

Thank you for your responses. It's helping me to put things into perspective.
cansu I did tell the head that I would be happy to discuss this further on a KIT day. To be honest, I was trying really hard not to cry. Sounds pathetic, I know! To add to this, 2 part timers have left/are leaving. I know she would prefer full time staff.
Nuffaluff I don't begrudge this man gaining a promotion if it happens. He is great and that's only going to benefit the children. It's just that I'm envious because they used to think I was great, too.

I think she meant it to be a kind, informal chat but I know exactly where I stand now. I will focus on my family and do my very best when I'm at school. If they can no longer see my worth then time to look else where.
Thank you for letting me rant!

I would be tempted to put your views and conversation on record perhaps in an email. I would say that you are disappointed that she feels that returning for four days makes you no longer suitable for leadership following all the work and plans before your maternity leave etc etc.

This. Then go off and enjoy your baby. There will other schools and other opportunities for promotion in the future if it doesn't work out here.

I don't have any particular advice, only good wishes. I was worried about this happening when I was pregnant, but my school really came through for me. I was even promoted, even though I never worked above a 0.8. But a few years later, now in another job and on part time hours in an attempt to get some work life balance, I am getting this kind of attitude from my current place and it is really perturbing. Like previous posters imply, it's one thing to know about the gender pay gap and quite another to realise you're suddenly experiencing it!

Schools are just bonkers in my opinion. Massive staff shortage and quite a few of them seem to actively go out of their way to drive away experienced female staff.

Oh, also I meant to add that I had a similar comment pretty much word for word from the visiting tutor when I was doing my GTP (which I finished one week before going on mat leave - obviously not cutting it fine at all). But she was not my employer so I just ignored it, although I was really irritated at the time.

That is completely out of order and actually similar to something that was said to me as a young female in 1993 (not following maternity leave, but after another life event) FFS when does the world get to leave the 1950s

Ive just been offered a promotion if I’m prepared to up my days with no increase to my basic pay, but not to worry I would get the responsibility allowance.

Honestly? I would have thought harder about going part time if I’d known the grief and utter disrespect it would have given me in education.

On the other hand- you know what? My DS has the benefit of me at home more and that is worth something.

Unfortunately not cold hard cash.

A man covered my maternity leave. A colleague in my dept then left so he got a permanent job. Turns out he got put on the same salary as me even though he has only about 2 years teaching experience (I have 9!). We have since discovered a fair few mistakes he’s made. He’s also been promoted twice (not to huge roles but still positions of responsibility with tlrs). I’m part time now and feel like I’m the lowest of the low!! However I know I’m a good teacher and I plan to get a promotion as soon as I am back full time. But Im afraid I am focusing on my family at this point when they are so young. It really doesn’t last long, they aren’t little for long so do try to enjoy it. It’s crap though, I just think things are so much easier for men and they are more highly regarded in the teaching profession.

Op I do empathise with you ... what an awful conversation to have. I might get flamed for this but I do believe that women do not support women in the workplace . They are actually just as bad as men for increasing the gender pay gap.

One of our department at my place of work is currently recruiting and they've interviewed a few women for the role . I was told by the interviewer that though this particular lady was ideal ,she's just been married and this means that she must be planning on having a baby soon so she won't be offered the job on that basis . I was gobsmacked to say the least !

Very little advise here but to concentrate on enjoying time with your little daughter and when you do go back , have a serious conversation with the head about progression. I'd prove to her that You Are indeed hard working and one less day will not impact your efficiency. Good luck with it all!

My head loved me until I became pregnant and came back part time. It hurts and is discouraging but the best thing to do is to back and show them your commitment is still the same. I did this and was then promoted whilst part time.

However, many heads are now against part time staff. I really don't know why as they lose a lot of good teachers by being so inflexible.

This is all too familiar, sorry.

This happened to me after I returned from mat leave. Except I was already on the SLT and was already SENCO. New head came in for month and a half before I went on leave and I was told that it ‘wasn’t appropriate’ for me to return to my previous roles because I would now be part time.

Everything I had worked so hard for was taken from me and they could do it because I was full time before and therefore I could ‘no longer fulfill the requirements of the role’.

I left as soon as I was able to. Went to a school where they were more than happy for me to continue the role as a part time member of staff once an opportunity arose.

The head is the problem. Enjoy your mat leave. Go back for the time you have to and see if an opportunity arises. If it doesn’t, look elsewhere.

Thanks again for all your replies.
I'm bothered by the fact that I have to prove myself all over again. However, I've done it before and, if my heart is still in it, I'm sure I can do it again.
I've sent an email to the head. I've kept it light hearted but hopefully have put my point of view across (beginning to understand that it really isn't important to them) I'm not expecting a reply given it's half term now.
On another note, my dd is being amazing right now. Off to go have a play under the jungle gym

This is all so familiar unfortunately.

I was SLT when I fell pregnant with DS1 and was told that if I wanted to return part time I would have to give that up. I really didn’t want to return full time to my leadership role after maternity leave because I knew that my school would expect me to sign my life over again and I didn’t want that when my DS was only 8 months old.

I then became pregnant with DS2 during my first year back and you would think I personally took a shit in the Head’s desk or something the way she looks at me. She doesn’t acknowledge my pregnancy, ask how I am, nothing. I have definitely gone to the bottom of the pile despite working there for 10 years and working my socks off.

If anything it’s made me feel like I was right in my decision to go part time. At least now I know that slogging my guts out while also looking after my children still wouldn’t have been enough for her.

Enjoy your little one. It all goes so quickly and your career will always be waiting for you when the time is right 👍🏻

So...just to update. I've had a meeting with the head and it's taken me a couple of days to process the information.
The up shot is this:-
They have taken on my mat cover permanently with him taking his own class from July.
They have put another teacher to co teach with him in the meantime so that they can continue my maternity cover, only they aren't doing as well as what they had hoped.
The head has asked if it possible for me to come back from my mat leave early to help sort the problem (we are talking about 6 months early!)
She's given me the weekend to decide (!) placed lot's of emphasis on welcoming me back but obviously, there is zero incentive for me to do this!
I feel like handing my notice in

Let me get this straight, they’ve given your maternity cover a permanent job. They’ve hired someone else to do your maternity cover and at the moment they and the permanent guy are co-teaching, except the new hire is a bit shit? So come July, when permanent guy needs to take over his own class, they want to get rid of the new maternity cover and have you come back early instead?

It’s not your problem, 6 months off your maternity leave is way too much and there should be absolutely no pressure on you to do this.

Say no on Monday, but don’t hand in your notice, that’s a knee-jerk reaction and you may regret it six months down the line!

I didn’t think they were allowed to pressure you back from Mat leave? How dare she ask you to do that! Puts you in an awful position.

noblegiraffe thank you, you explained it better than I did!
Exactly that, and the pressure to return is making me feel more than a little uncomfortable.
I will be saying no regardless of the outcome. When the time is right I will search for a new job. A colleague just messaged me explaining my mat cover (with his own class from July) will be a Hod from September (the same role I was in talks for, previously)

Re: the responsibility thing, it’s not unusual for schools to say you cannot have a TLR and be part time - I had to give up all my responsibilities when I went part time and that is by no means unusual.