Also posted in Mental Health.
I'm a long time lurker and never posted. For the last few months I have been feeling anxious and panicky at work where I feel physically sick. I feel like nothing I do is good enough. I know I have perfectionist tendencies and as a senior leader in a large school ( secondary) this doesn't go well.
My husband and I are planning on relocating, and I have secured 2 interviews both of which is early next week . Doesn't help that both schools told me very late what I would be teaching and order of the day. The drive to both schools is huge and will involve hotel stay. The interviews have made everything worse. I felt like I was just about keeping a lid on things whereas now I can't stop crying, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I am on the edge of a panic attack at the thought. I am struggling to breathe normally at times. I am physically incapable of preparing for this interview and the multiple tasks that will be required on the as a senior leader day. Its a sideways move and a job I have been doing for 5 years so I am more than capable. This doesn't stop the feelings though. I don't want to go, but I will hate myself if I don't. I suspect I need to go to the docs. Would they take this seriously? What can I do to help myself? I'm ignoring my kids and my husband is exhausted with it all.
My Headteacher will lose any respect he has for me if I admit I didn't go to the interviews and I suspect make my life more difficult. He is one of the reasons behind my anxiety and reasons for wanting to leave. Sorry this is over long