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The staffroom

Whether you're a permanent teacher, supply teacher or student teacher, you'll find others in the same situation on our Staffroom forum.

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Original poster

Advice for my DH please

23 replies

IrianOfW · 25/04/2018 09:04

Hope it's OK to post here as I'm not a teacher but a teacher's wife! I think he will be leaving very soon - in fact I believe he is being bullied out of his job. Since December it's been one long campaign of petty or unsubstantiated complaints (by anonymous staff members NOT students or parents). He is now being given impossible targets to meet and no time to do them. He's not sleeping, he's stressed to the max and totally demoralised. He's tried to contact NUT but after an hour waiting on their helpline, he sent an email.

Any advice? He is a mess and I am heartbroken for him - it was his dream career.

OP posts:

echt · 25/04/2018 10:37

Sorry for your husband's situation.

Is there a site rep? Anyway he should phone region, not a generic helpline.

Everything should be in writing. He should not accept any complaint not in writing. If the HT keeps it anonymous, confirm that s/he wishes to do so. In writing. If anything has been previously verbal, email saying the complaint was not in writing and now he requires it to be so, in 24 hours.

All targets in writing with dates.

Any conversations should be followed up with confirmation in writing of what passed/was agreed.

Always always have a "friend" in the room. This will piss them off, they will try to stop it, saying it's not official, but they can't.

Original poster

IrianOfW · 25/04/2018 11:11

Thanks echt. There is a NASUWT rep but not NUT one.

He has a letter listing the complaints which was sent 17 days after the meeting even though it was dated 3 days after.

I am not sure how much was in writing - he was told it was all 'informal'.

I will advise him of the friend suggestion

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Piggywaspushed · 25/04/2018 15:25

Does he not know at all who the complaints are from? How can he rectify anything?

I've been in this sort of situation and the writing down of complaints is always counter to being told it is informal. Also, there are rights about what is kept on file in such circumstances.

He needs to follow al echt's advice and he really really needs to contact local union ASAP.

It's horrible. He has my sympathy. As do you .

Piggywaspushed · 25/04/2018 15:27

A thought : NUT and ATL have merged to NEU. Is he definitely contacting the right people/ number?

hollytom · 25/04/2018 21:16

I used to work in HR my advice is as above in writing is essential and he must write as much down as he can keep a diary of what is being said etc so he has facts at his fingertips. It is very easy when you are being bombarded that you forget things. Also don’t go into any meetings without a representative/ friend.
Good luck to him

SheStoodInTheStorm · 25/04/2018 21:27

There's the education support partnership that may offer support

echt · 26/04/2018 00:05

I am not sure how much was in writing - he was told it was all 'informal'

The rule of thumb is that there's no such thing as informal. How can a complaint be informal??? They can say what they like, but he can insist it is in writing and they cannot refuse.

They may try to do this, in which case he writes that he asked for written confirmation and not has received it. He can also write his version of events so far and send it to them saying that in the light of there being no notes, this is what he understands.

Another good tactic is, at meetings, take notes and read them back to the bastards saying: This is what you said, isn't it? They will hate it but cannot object as he is trying to keep the notes they won't.

I've had a couple of complaints about me in the past and my response has been: put it in writing and I will respond. It's like putting salt on a sly, never heard from them again. Of course I immediately made a diary note that the verbal complaint had been made, by whom, when, etc. It's amazing what some people will say but will be unwilling to write.

Good luck to your DH.

Piggywaspushed · 26/04/2018 07:04

I would also want to question when they made the notes. Was he told before any meeting that notes were being made? Was he told it would all be put in writing? these are the things that a union will jump on. I had notes from a meeting presented back to me in writing once when the head had not sat and made notes during the 'quick chat'. The fact that his PA typed them up was also galling. You are right :these are forms of bullying. Sorry to sound world weary but is he quite expensive? Is there a cheaper model waiting in the wings?

How serious are the complaints against him? You say they are petty... is this your view, or his? Do the school think they are small complaints but feel honour bound to pursue them?

He needs to guard against too much emailing. Request any written stuff in hard copy and he himself should submit stuff in hard copy so it can't be electronically stored . One of the biggest forms of hidden bullying in workplaces is blind copying of email communications. His school might have a policy on this but many don't.

Original poster

IrianOfW · 26/04/2018 11:53

Thank you all! I really appreciate it (so does DH).

He was sent another email last night by the deputy head that seems to be gunning for him (there are three deputy heads!). Tone was very unfriendly.

However he managed to get hold of NEU last night - thanks Piggy for the suggestion. They were very supportive, gave him advice to follow now to go off sick with stress and DO NOT resign even if he isn't sure what he wants to do long-term. He has got a GP's appointment in about 30 minutes. They will get a local rep to contact him within 5 days.

The NASUWT rep is a really good sort and has been trying to advise him unofficially but obviously as they are different unions he can't actually do anything,

He had taken printed copies of all the emails he has received and sent and noted down times and dates of other events.

The complaints ranged from petty to semi-serious. Petty - he wears a hat in school sometimes and used his phone on school premises - more serious - not providing information to other members of staff (how vague can you get?) Anyway the point was that he was not informed of the nature of the meeting was before he turned up and all the complaints were anonymous so they refused to give him details which made it very difficult to argue with them. And there were about 17 issues so it was as if they just got everything anyone had ever said about him (one issue seemed to have been from the year before as far as DH could work out) and dumped it all on him at once.

The other factor in all this is that he tore his anterior cruciate ligament whilst carrying out a restraint on a 15 year old last summer. it is serious and has been told by one consultant it is inoperable although he is getting a second opinion. He is constant pain and has to wear a knee brace most of the time - the school does not have enough staff who are willing (or trained?) to get involved when some of the bigger kids kick off and he is often one of the only ones who does. Hence more than one injury over the years but this is the most serious. He can't cycle, he can't walk very far, he is putting on weight and is thoroughly fed up. I think he should make something of this personally but it's up to him.

But he is at home for now, having a much needed rest.

We're away on Saturday for a wedding - just us, no kids - so it will be a break and a change of scene.

thanks again

OP posts:

Piggywaspushed · 26/04/2018 12:25

Oh,so much of this sounds familiar : the petty and often ancient complaints ; the feeling of concerted espionage, the sprung surprise meetings; the emails. Let him know, as I am sure the union will, that he is not unique or alone. they will help him; they are very good at this.

Enjoy the wedding (no hats in Church! ) and I hope all goes well.

Original poster

IrianOfW · 26/04/2018 12:32

Thanks Piggy - it's a Hindu wedding so I don't know the position on hats...

OP posts:

Rainuntilseptember15 · 26/04/2018 12:41

This is what he pays his union subs for. He should have had representation from the very first meeting. I don’t know but I suspect some form of compensation for the unjury sustained at work is also possible.

Original poster

IrianOfW · 26/04/2018 12:48

I think if he's known what was beginning he might have spoken to the union earlier but it was out of the blue and then he kept hoping it was over and done with.

GP has signed him off for 2 weeks with work stress and told him to come back in 4 weeks and he will backdate another 2 weeks and discuss medication. By this time the union will be properly onboard.

OP posts:

RennieRenster · 26/04/2018 13:05

It sounds like your DH is having a really tough time. I work for a charity Education Support Partnership that provides a free and confidential helpline for teachers. Trained BACP counsellors answer the phone 24/7 and your hubbie can get 6 free sessions of telephone counselling. It could really help him cope at this tricky time. They get lots of calls from teachers having similar issues and the stress and anxiety as a result! The number is 08000 562561 and there is more info here www.edsupport.org.uk/helpline. Really hope he gets the support he needs to get through this.

Piggywaspushed · 26/04/2018 13:09

This sounds amazing : it isn't very well publicised amongst teachers. I have never heard of it myself and needed it a while back. I'll email details to staff at my school :)

Original poster

IrianOfW · 26/04/2018 14:19

Thanks Rennie - I've passed the link to DH

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RennieRenster · 26/04/2018 14:29

Great, hope it helps!

Original poster

IrianOfW · 01/05/2018 16:56

DH finally got a call from the local NUT rep. He is going to email the school telling the, that all communications with DH should be sent to him instead. He is going to meet DH this week.

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Piggywaspushed · 01/05/2018 17:34

Progress! Interesting step from the rep there!

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 02/05/2018 06:44

Lots of love to your DH. This sounds hideous. Teaching is stressful enough as it is!

Original poster

IrianOfW · 03/05/2018 10:14

Another interesting development. DH went out for a drink with some of his colleagues last night. He was told there had been a staff meeting headed by the particular staff member that DH has had the problem with. She was bullying and aggressive in the meeting and the NASUWT re[ has sent a written complaint to the head. Head replied that she would look into it.

Beginning to wonder if DH is as alone in this as he has felt.

OP posts:

Piggywaspushed · 03/05/2018 14:42

Doesn't sound like it!

Original poster

IrianOfW · 09/05/2018 15:33

In case anyone is still tuning in, DH met the NUT rep yesterday. Very supportive and sympathetic. He made it clear that the SLT have made multiple errors in procedure. He advised that he can have up to 6 months sick leave and more if his injury is taken into consideration. When he has decided whether he wants to stay or go then more action will be taken - if he leaves they will negotiate a small pay off and a good reference.

DH has neen in bits - he cries all the time and he just shakes with nerves. That is simply NOT the man we all know. Such a relief that someone has offered him support and advice - now I can deal with my own stress in peace and try to get a job before I am made redundant

OP posts:

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