Burn out....

[newyearoldme]

I think I already know the answer to this but it helps to set it out anyway.

I'm s secondary teacher with 10 yrs experience working FT in a shortage subject. HoD is v inexperienced and SLT not terribly on the ball about training this person up. As a result, it falls to me as the member of the dept with most experience to remind, prompt or teach HoD about what needs to be done, how to do data, logistical arrangements for mock exams etc. I'm feeling the strain and very resentful that I'm effectively doing this person's job for free and yet they get the TLR and extra PPAs. Have tried to stand back from this and yet everything descended into chaos.

Add to this I have an hrs commute each way each day, 4 kids (youngest is 2), DH works away most weeks and I'm fucking shattered. I've also had a pretty traumatic medical experience recently which has thrown me off kilt somewhat.

My own planning and marking disappeared weeks ago. Im going into lessons utterly unprepared and it's beginning to show in terms of student behaviour and progress made. I'm not sleeping well and barely eating. I'm constantly on the move. I spend more time commuting each day than I spend with my own children. Sometimes I'm in bed before them so they have to put themselves to bed. This is not ideal at all, esp when DH is away too.

I have been very open with school about my situation and they have been pretty understanding and plans are in place to let me go PT shortly.

In the meantime however my youngest isn't sleeping too well and wakes every couple of hours. I just about manage until I wake finally at 2.30 each morning worrying about whether I can cope with the day ahead. When it's clear I can't, I decide I'll have to take the day off. I then lie awake worrying about cover work and worrying about leaving classes to it and worrying about whether school and students see me as a cop out or a malingerer. I then worry about not sleeping and tell myself I need time to rest and that currently, students are better off with mediocre cover work than with an utterly knackered and unprepared subject teacher. I tell myself too that if I'm in then I'll have to mark their books sometime.

I know I've reached burn out. I've seen the GP and they're fully supportive. I know I need to be at home resting and putting my ducks in a row and getting better and mentally stronger. So why do I feel so flipping guilty calling in sick?

Because you are a teacher. I believe that guilt and sense of obligation you have is a sign of a good teacher and what is wholeheartedly being able amen advantage of in IK schools. And the result is how you are feeling. Shocking state of affairs. Can I ask why you aren't the HoD? Take care of yourself, you need to prioritise yourself and your family above your students. That is how it should be. Sounds like your school are at least sympathetic. Hope it improves soon.

*taken... sorry not able amen!

You need to let it descend into chaos if necessary, and let SLT do the job they're supposed to. Really. They won't let it descend into chaos with exams coming up. They can't.

Next time you take a day off, spend the day getting your head into the place where you can truly, really stand back.

For what it's worth, my sister was in a (non-education) job where she was effectively doing the Manager's job for her. Ultimately, the lines of hierarchy became confused and, when things went pear-shaped, although everyone apologised to her and commended her for the great work she'd done, she was effectively moved into a job she didn't want to do, with her promotion prospects limited, and the situation told her that - really - no-one actually was going to thank her for the extra hours of stress and work she'd carried.

Obviously, things don't always work out so negatively - but it does sound as though your goodwill is being exploited here - and will be exploited indefinitely. That's not on. And it's clearly not sustainable for you.

Stop doing your HoD's job (and SLT's job). Take a few days. Get rested and re-connect with your children. Then start focusing on what will make your actual job doable until you can go PT (lesson planning, etc.).

Part of being an effective member of staff is saying 'No' to unsustainable situations - however much SLT are relying on you silently carrying on.

And you're clearly a great teacher, with lots of valuable experience. And I'm sure you're doing far better than you think as a parent, too.

Thank you for talking sense to me. I'm not the HOD as this person was appt before I arrived and bumbled along incompetently doing nothing. I turned up and questioned the way a few things were being done (or not) and SLT realised they had a fool in post. HoD doesn't like her role, would much rather be classroom teacher, but won't stand down, SLT don't see it as a competency issue per se so won't take management steps. Plus with my family commitments and commute etc I simply don't have the time to do it although I'd love to and they and HoD and I all know that I'd do a much bloody better job and wouldn't be so stressed out. So it's a bit of a mess, really. Rather than have me as a HOD, they get me going off sick, going part time and being frazzled out!

Our subject involves pretty logistically intense mocks for yr 11 coming up in the next couple of weeks involving lots of cover and liaison with the exams officer. Essentially HOD has stuck head in sand and left it all to last minute and went into arranging these blind and so I had to wade in and set things right. I'm not doing it because of an axe to grind or anything, just because if I hadn't have done it, the exams would have run majorly incorrectly. SLT, exams officer and HOD were not aware that things would have been run incorrectly if I would not have intervened.

It's not a competency issue because you are doing the job for them. Perhaps you do need to let it go to shit otherwise nothing will change. You will just end up doing the same thing part time.

Go off sick to get yourself sorted - you must do this before it’s too late. Full on burn out can take forever to recover from if you ever do.

While you are off, things will go to shot. Let them. Do not answer your phone, or ‘just do’ this and that. You are not paid for this, it is not your problem.

Slt have taken advantage of your goodwill and will continue to do so unless you force a change.