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Whether you're a permanent teacher, supply teacher or student teacher, you'll find others in the same situation on our Staffroom forum.

Boys 'fiddling with themselves' in class

55 replies

Enihnus · 21/01/2018 15:13

Sorry for the rather coy title, also I have name changed for this as may have to make a complaint etc.
I am a (female) trainee teacher in a secondary all boys school. I've seen more than one boy masturbating in class (Y 9, 10, 11). They do this while staring at me and smirking and it is intimidating. Ive no guidance on how to deal with this and I think my mentor has basically given up - it seems more or less accepted and behaviour is generally awful so I have no confidence in the department's ability to deal with it. Is this something you have experienced and how did you - and the school - deal with it? The utter rage and resentment I felt at having to prepare lessons for this group today makes me realize this may be the last straw for me in terms of the PGCE, but I'm interested to know how it should be dealt with.

OP posts:
Enihnus · 21/01/2018 16:23

Superpug - I think there i a huge problem with misogyny across the school. :(
I am also from a specific community (apols for vagueness, trying not to be outing) which has a big problem with misogyny/sexism and the boys doing this are from the same community. I don't know if this is part of it or not (no-one else in the dept. is from that community though, and I am pretty sure it happens in their lessons too from the way they talk).
What is my mentor doing while this is going on: she hasn't noticed, is in another part of the classroom.

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 21/01/2018 16:26

I would definitely call the boys out on this behaviour. It is never acceptable for anyone to masturbate in public. Tell your mentor, call her over when you see it happening. Identify the boys the concerned and don't put up with it any longer. Dirty little sods.

newtlover · 21/01/2018 16:28

as all PPs have said you need to confront this.
You say yourself, OP that the thread title is coy, and I came on expecting it to be about 5 year olds (I have some experience with that) but I think it's worth being very clear in your head and when you discuss it with others that they are masturbating. I know people sometimes find it hard to actually name things (literally). This may sound daft but it might help if you stand in front of a mirror and say
'Mr X, I am excluding David from the classroom because he has been masturbating'
or whatever phrase you are likely to have to use.
And if you decide to confront them directly again, practise-
'David, I will not have boys masturbating in my class. Go and wash you hands and then report directly to yur head of year'

newtlover · 21/01/2018 16:30

do it a few times till it sounds natural

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/01/2018 16:36

Sadly this happens at the school my dh used to teach at. The boys would also " accidentally " squeeze pass the young female teachers.

SylvesterTheCat · 21/01/2018 16:41

Do his classmates know or see him doing it?

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/01/2018 16:52

Enihnus

If your mentor doesn't know they can't do anything about it, talk to him/her and have them watch the boys discreetly, so they can be caught.

raviolidreaming · 21/01/2018 17:54

I am sure the department know that it happens, from comments I have heard them make. I suspect their reaction would be more along the lines of 'toughen up'

Seriously? Really? Righto.

Welshlovebicuit · 21/01/2018 18:02

Until recently I taught 'troubled' older teens 16-20 odd...the 'hands down the pants ' thing was quite common, not helped by the fact they all wore joggers. I just ignored it...unless they asked to borrow anything, then I'd tell them to wash their hands first!

CAAKE · 21/01/2018 19:00

After reading your update I feel that these boys are definitely doing it for a power trip. You must call out this behaviour because from what you've written I think they know you've seen it, they wanted you to see it and that their aim was that it rattled you - which it clearly did.

These type of boys will become revolting men if female teachers like you let them treat them in this way.

I think yes, obvious report it, but you need to get in there and take control of the little shits for your own sake.

CAAKE · 21/01/2018 19:06

*obviously!

Also - I hope you don't feel that I'm blaming you in my last post. I just think that if you allow a senior person to fight this battle for you, they boys will know that they have you over a barrel. If you can manage it yourself I think it helps you to increase your confidence.

Avebury · 21/01/2018 19:28

A friend of mine had this happen in her class once so she pulled up a chair right in front of the boy's desk and told him to let her know when he was done and then she would carry on with the lesson. It worked but this was 15 years ago - I don't know if now a savvy child would somehow turn that round on the teacher and make out they had behaved inappropriately by drawing attention to it or something.

waterlego6064 · 21/01/2018 19:43

Yuck, this is really grim. I would be taking it very seriously and taking action asap. It is not your responsibility to single handedly sort this out or stop it happening. That would be the case even if you were a fully qualified teacher, let alone a trainee. It needs dealing with for a number of reasons:

If these boys were to do this in public, e.g. on a bus or in the park, they would be committing a criminal offence and could be arrested.

There is plenty of evidence that this is not innocent scratching or 'rearranging', but deliberate sexual harrassment.

This type of behaviour can and does escalate if left unchallenged. By reporting it, you can help protect others.

'Acting out' in sexual ways can sometimes be an indication that a child has themselves been exposed to an abusive or inappropriate situation.

I used to teach in Secondary, and although this never happened to me in the classroom, it did happen when I was tutoring and was alone with a student.

It's a long story, background is that he also did it to a more senior member of staff but she did not feel able to take action or even confront it. When it happened to me, I phoned the non-emergency police number to explain what had happened and why I felt uneasy. They invited me in to talk to an officer who said that they weren't going to press charges but they were going to speak to his parents and his school, so I felt relieved that it was being dealt with. I would do the same again- reporting it is absolutely the right thing to do.

Even if your mentor is unhelpful, there will be a Child Protection person in your school (I would hope they've told you who it is!) and that's who I'd go to.

waterlego6064 · 21/01/2018 19:46

Incidentally, I haven't read all the replies, but sometimes with situations like these, a common suggestion is to embarrass or laugh at the perpetrator (as is often suggested with flashers in general). I don't think this is a good idea as it trivialises it into jokey, one-of-the-lads sort of harmless mischief which it really isn't. Boys and young men need to be taught this, and this seems like an ideal opportunity!

waterlego6064 · 21/01/2018 19:52

Also, forgot to say: I phoned the school of the student I was tutoring, before I phoned the police. Their response was along the lines of: 'boys will be boys'.

Many months later, after I'd spoken to the police and ceased to tutor the student, I heard that he had been sent on 'early study leave' for his forthcoming exams, due to an incident at school. When I spoke to other tutees from the same school, they said he's been suspended but wouldn't tell me why- I surmised that this was likely because he'd done something smutty again. If so, I can only hope it was in front of another adult like myself, rather than a younger pupil in the school.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 21/01/2018 19:57

Don’t phone home yourself. Parents are likely to say that it isn’t happening. Definitely report this. If it happened on a train then it would be the police dealing with it. It’s utterly disgusting.

BettyBettyBetty · 21/01/2018 21:46

Straight to the DSP tomorrow to report these incidents.

ASauvignonADay · 21/01/2018 22:37

This is really worrying - I'm shocked it hasn't been taken more seriously. Are they actually masturbating, or just having a scratch/having their hands down? The latter is pretty normal, but the former absolutely not. I'd suggest speaking to whoever your designated safeguarding lead is.

Excitedforxmas · 21/01/2018 22:43

I'd be shouting out "Billy will you please stop playing with your willy as it will fall off"
Complete embarrassment is the way to go !!

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/01/2018 22:55

Avebury

I can think of several ways in which that could have ended badly for your friend.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 23/01/2018 10:20

I agree with the PPs who have urged you take this very seriously indeed. It is a sexual assault, and there will be other boys in the class who will be aware of what's going on, and being assaulted just as much as you are. You have a duty of care to them, as well as the school having a duty of care to you. If the school isn't stepping up, most definitely kick up the most outrageous fuss.

I'm astounded at the PPs suggesting you minimise this by ridiculing the offenders. Absolutely do not do this.

Unicorndiscoball · 23/01/2018 18:24

There is a time and a place for humour in dealing with behaviour issues. This however is not this time. This is serious sexual assault, if they did this on a train in front of you for example they could be arrested. In my first year of teaching a year 13 boy mooned at me out of a classroom window. I didn’t know how to deal with it and minimised it to an extent, and took it to a senior teacher. Who promptly suspended the boy for 2 days and made him write me an apology. He didn’t minimise the inappropriate behaviour, and the boy never pulled another stunt like it with me. As a PGCE student you are already vulnerable to crappy behaviour, and everyone expects that on their training. However sexual assault minimised by your mentor? That’s shameful.

lorisparkle · 23/01/2018 18:41

Just to say I work with teenagers with severe learning difficulties and it is completely unacceptable here so definitely not acceptable in a mainstream setting. Our pupils still need to learn that that behaviour is private no matter how limited their social understanding is. There is no excuse. I would keep asking for support in dealing with it until you find someone who will help.

IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst · 23/01/2018 19:32

Inappropriate sexual behaviour is a safeguarding flag, I would bring it up as this. Appalling that you should feel you have to put up with it / ignore it.

Enihnus · 23/01/2018 22:14

This is just to say I have reported it to the appropriate channels now.
Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
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