I spend more time with other people's kids than my own

[user71017]

That's just fundamentally wrong.

I took dd2 (3) to a party yesterday and was so upset because I didn't know a single other mum. Why? Because I've never been able to take my youngest to preschool.

Dd1 (7) had her first netball match on Friday. She was the only team member not to have mummy watching.

I know the parents of the kids in my class more than the parents of my friends kids. I see the kids in my class more than I see my own.

This is all with being part time but being screwed over with working 3.5 days over 5.

[Rainuntilseptember]

You do need to alter your balance though or you just become another ex-teacher. I would start by reclaiming your part time afternoons. Have your bag ready and go. Maybe book an appointment the first time to get yourself out the door! Being in a private school doesn’t mean you can’t be in a union, who can support you if expected to work full time when paid part time.

[Theimpossiblegirl]

Op, I feel your pain. I love my job and the children in my care, but I often feel like a shit mum, friend, wife etc. Yes, we get the holidays (in which we still work) but in term time it is all consuming. The workload is just going up and up, but the Government and media say it's not so people think we're whinging slackers.

[SweetSummerchild]

You have simply described the fate of many working mothers, regardless of their profession.

I don't agree with this. Setting aside the all the benefits of teaching (they aren't relevant to this discussion) there are constraints of working as a teacher that are not applicable to many other jobs. The OP wanted an opportunity to vent about some of those problems. I am sure that the vast majority of teachers who are parents would be able to relate to her situation.

She posted in 'staffroom' rather than AIBU.

This thread is an example of MN at its worst.

[user71017]

MumsnetHQ any way of taking this off active? It's for teachers/ educationalists eyes only!

[BlueberryIce]

We were merely pointing out that not getting to see DC due to work commitments is hardly unique to teaching.

I know 1 parent at school who works the hours you do and gets to collect their child. All the others basically only get to see DC at the weekends and so the wives have to be SAHP to do all the childcare, or the wives take teaching or TA jobs at the school because these are the only jobs that can fit around childcare.

However please don’t think we are all unsympathetic to the other difficulties of teaching - I honestly feel sorry for most teachers and think anyone who does it is pretty brave.

The Staffroom is not a secret board! Granted it’s probably fairly private normally, but if you want only teachers to read your posts then I wouldn’t recommend Mumsnet! Try a login only teaching forum instead.

[RainbowBriteRules]

OP, I’m not sure if you have done this or not but MNHQ don’t always respond when they are bolder or tagged in posts (I guess it happens so often). The best way is to report your own post, apologies if you have done this already.

[LEMtheoriginal]

Maybe don't post on a public forum? It isn't just teachers who have to deal with this so I think it's pertinent across the board

[SweetSummerchild]

Well, OP has certainly discovered that teacher's T&C are grouped with cat poo, parking outside your house and the fairness of wills as things-you-have-no-right-to-complain-about on MN.

If you go into a thread in Property/DIY and click on a thread titled 'Can't find a house in Cambridge for less than £500,000' you don't find the thread full of bitter replies from people stating "you should feel lucky you can afford any property at all". If you go into a thread on Longhaul titled 'Can I do fortnight in Florida on a £7,000 budget?' you don't find it full of replies saying "You should be grateful you have that sort of money - my last holiday was in a B&B in Blackpool".

So what if the staffroom forum is public? That is yet another straw man.

For those replying with the 'think yourself lucky' replies, WTF were you actually trying to achieve? Do you seriously think the OP is going to suddenly turn round and think 'actually, I'm probably unreasonable here'. If you truly think that, then you are seriously deluded. Actually, I think most of those replies are more of the 'let's spread a little misery' than anything else. How very helpful...

[Rainuntilseptember]

LEM that is an uncharacteristicly unhelpful response from you.
I have occasionally waded in to a niche thread with my irrelevant tuppenceworth, but I’ve then acknowledged my mistake and departed.

[noblegiraffe]

Well, OP has quit, along with thousands of other teachers (1 in 10 last year), so telling teachers that they should be grateful for the holidays doesn’t seem to be working on the whole.

Good luck OP.

[user71017]

What do non teachers think are the reasons behind the recruitment/retention crisis if teaching is so much easier than other jobs?

[Appuskidu]

Totally agree with you, OP-not sure why you've got such a roasting on here. I wouldn't dream of going on a forum meant for nurses and pull their threads apart. Yes-it might have come up in Active threads, but surely people are able to read the board name?!

I think your main problem (apart from teaching being shite at the moment) is your school. I don't know of any primary part timer that does 3 days spread across 5. That happens in secondary though, I know.

You're getting the worst of both worlds-working every day for part time pay. I see you work in a private school though and I don't know anything about those? Do you follow the Burgundy book terms-when do you actually leave now you've resigned after the 31.10 cut off?

What's your subject? Could you not just do a jobsbare in a state primary and teach all subjects?

[NannyOggsKnickers]

I’m with you OP. I’m quitting this year. Teaching is not compatible with having young children. I don’t want my DD to miss out on time with me anymore (in the vending and at weekends).

And my mental health is more important than my career. I’m really looking forward to going back to 9-5 with 20 days holiday a year and no fucking massive bags of books to lug home every night. And not having to spend every evening and a whole day at the weekend planning, answering e-mails and filling out data forms. I’d gladly do a couple of hours unpaid overtime a week so that I didn’t have to spend every waking minute during term time thinking about or doing stuff for school. The relief is massive.

[NannyOggsKnickers]

Actually, I revise my first statement. Teaching is no longer compatible with being a functioning human being who hasn’t gone batshit crazy and turned to some sort of substance abuse (gin).

[user71017]

Go nanny

[SweetSummerchild]

When I went for my first Occ Health appointment after being signed off with anxiety and depression the nurse said "so, it says here than you are contracted to work 22.5 hours a week". I lliterally laughed out loud. What a joke.

Handing in my resignation was like a huge, enormous millstone being lifted from around my neck.

[TheFallenMadonna]

I am a teacher. I still think the holidays are a huge, huge positive for families with school age children.

[Courgettekatie]

I get you op, dedicating so much to other people’s kids just reinforces what you’re not doing with yours. However unfortunately please don’t think this is just because they’re little. Teens need you around at the end of the school day too, if not more.

[user71017]

You're absolutely right katie!

[hollytom]

I became a teacher after a career in another field. I was on a management grade so this meant no set hours like 37 per week but do the hours required to get the job done. But I have to say the hours worked were less than I do now.
Teaching is very inflexible which makes for real problems if your child is ill, previously I would have asked for the day off as leave but you can’t do that.. I was fairly senior in my previous career but I certainly didn’t have to work weekends and evenings to anything like the extent. I hate the assumption that you will do extra because it’s a school. There is way too much of this which in my experience doesn’t happen in a lot of other careers.
My kids are older now but I’m still not enjoying it. Another person who is planning to get out. I think this will be my last year in teaching. I also agree with Nanny being on the 9-5 and 20 days holiday. I know what that’s like and it’s better than this.

[LadyGagarden]

Hi op, I understand your frustrations. I was a full time lawyer before having the DD’s. Went 3 days after Dd1. I think to be honest, it’s not just a teacher thing, working is hard when you have young children. The reality was I ended up doing full time work but paid for part time, hardly saw the kids, much as what you’ve said really. I resigned too and 6 months later got a brilliant, perfect for me job which someone I used to work with, recommended me for. Just wanted to say, sometimes things work out for the better in ways you wouldn’t have thought possible and I wish you all the luck for the future.

[hollytom]

Op just read a bit more you sound to have had similar experience to me! I had shingles in my last school so I thought I would move schools and reduce my hours. Not exactly worked. When I think back I have developed so many health issues that I didn’t have before I was a teacher.

[user71017]

Holly I had shingles in my last school too. Horrific. Blamed the school and moved. This place has given me anxiety, migraines and insomnia.

[NannyOggsKnickers]

holly. I agree that the issue is the assumptions made by school of how much you should give vs why you can give to work.

There’s a new initiative at my school that’s been cooked up by SLT- random drop ins. With centrally recorded judgements on the teacher. The head also wants us to mark books once every five lessons. When the unions met with him about the workload issues and stress caused by this he simply said: ‘it’s for the good of the students. Why wouldn’t teachers want to do it?’

I feel like this goes right to the heart of the current issue with teaching. When teachers and students are focused on exam factory style marginal gains that takenin nothing of the whole child and expect teachers to live and breathe their jobs to be seen as effective is ludicrous.

The assumption is that the more of your home life you are sacrificing the better a teacher you are. It is not even close to being true.

[user71017]

And palpitations to name a few.