I spend more time with other people's kids than my own

[user71017]

That's just fundamentally wrong.

I took dd2 (3) to a party yesterday and was so upset because I didn't know a single other mum. Why? Because I've never been able to take my youngest to preschool.

Dd1 (7) had her first netball match on Friday. She was the only team member not to have mummy watching.

I know the parents of the kids in my class more than the parents of my friends kids. I see the kids in my class more than I see my own.

This is all with being part time but being screwed over with working 3.5 days over 5.

[Brokenbiscuit]

It's not vitriol, it's a reality check. You have options, and don't have to stay in teaching if you choose not to.

A good friend of mine has recently quit teaching because she didn't feel the workload would be sustainable with a young family. I totally understood where she was coming from, and helped her with job applications etc. She now has a new role outside of teaching and she is loving it. The compromise? She has taken a huge cut in her salary. She will have the opportunity to work her way up in the new organisation, but she also knows that, if she takes on more senior roles, the expectations will differ and her work-life balance will again start to suffer. We all make our choices.

[PurpleYam]

What people don't seem to get is that, yes, in other jobs you see your children less, but you don't see other people's children more.

As parents we're expected to be concerned with and involved in our children's education, and their social lives, and get to know their friends and their friends' parents. It can be very upsetting to be doing all this for other people's children while feeling like you're neglecting your own.

And 3.5 over 5 is awful. I did that once. Never, ever again.

[noblegiraffe]

I get you OP. It’s shit being a part time teacher so taking the pay cut and the lack of career progression and still having a crappy timetable which means you’re in school every day and no time to breathe.

[NovemberWitch]

Have you looked around for other pt jobs? Many of the schools I go into are more than 50% job shares. Several have no ft members of staff except the head.

[Karak]

It's not vitriol. I'm also not a teacher but I completely acknowledge that teachers work very hard and in many ways it's really not family friendly.

However it really comes to whether or not you need the money and have to work. There are very few part time jobs that will allow the flexibility you're looking for and I think you'll find 99% of the people with one of those started full time. If you add in the school holidays (which I know teachers often have to work but at least you can work around the kids and don't need the childcare) I think your chances of finding something are pretty much nil.

The sort of job you are looking for would either be for someone highly skilled (who is so in demand they can basically choose their own terms) or possibly something very low paid (although most jobs at NMW are the opposite of flexible).

It's fine to have a moan and it is hard but your issue isn't teaching, it's working! Maybe because in teaching you spend time with other people's children all day that makes it harder not seeing your own.

The other thing is (outside of London / SE) teaching is actually fairly well paid if you prorata the holidays. It's often to find something that will pay similar initially. Long term maybe you'll get more but it will take a while to get there (and you'll need to put in the hours).

[Karak]

It's often *hard to find

[TheGreaterGoodTheGreaterGood]

I understand, OP.

You haven't said you have it harder than anyone else. You've said YOU find it hard seeing other people's children more often than your own. I didn't get a competitive 'I've got it harder than anyone' vibe from your post at all. I understood you to be a teacher who's finding one aspect a bit upsetting and wanted to vent about it.

I sometimes find I've used up all my patience on other people's children and my own get short shrift - particularly at the end of term.Parents who complain that Parent's Eve finishes at 7pm are my bugbear at the moment However, I'm sure that some of my parents have issues with me or my school and they are quite entitled to come on here and vent - I would understand that, not necessarily agree but understand. Shame teachers don't get the same courtesy really.

And YY to the PP who pointed out those 13 weeks are not all paid - much of it is unpaid and the pay spread out evenly across the year.

[tinypop4]

It is hard. I feel bad that I am rarely at the school gate but this isn't just teachers. Remember you get school holidays with your dc which is more than some too.
I am a teacher and I do understand but it isn't exclusive to teachers.

[user71017]

It's not just the lack of seeing my kids, it's the fact I see other people's kids and their parents more than my kids and their friends/parents. I spend all day nicey nice to my class then my kids get the snappy side of me at the end of the day. That's the balance that I'm saying is wrong.

[ElfrideSwancourt]

I totally get you OP - I moved from ft to pt teaching as I wasn’t seeing my (then) 14yo DD at all- had to phone her from school at 7am to wake her up and say good morning.

Pt is better but this term it will be week 4 before I get my days off actually off due to trips, parents evening etc.

My mum keeps saying but you can’t go in when you’re not paid- ha ha ha! She just doesn’t get it:(

I don’t know the answer but you have my sympathy and understanding

[Cantseethewoods]

OP sorry if I came across as harsh. I wasn’t trying to minimise your feelings, more just give a practical viewpoint vs. other jobs. I also do think that spending your day with other people’s kids makes it harder, even though rationally it doesn’t really matter what you’re doing as the net result is the same.

[ElfrideSwancourt]

And yy to being nice to your class all day and grumpy when you get home- often I’m so tired and in such a foul mood when I get home I just eat and go to bed rather than inflict myself on my family.

[HipToBeSquare]

You have it good compared to some a terrible compared to others.

It's like someone on £100k moaning about not having any money. It's a bit hard for most people to take.

[LEMtheoriginal]

I work 40+ hours a week plus weekends on a Rota. I basically have to enter a raffle to get school holidays off - then only 4 weeks per year. I often have to work late . Friday i got home at 10pm. My salary is probably half that of a teacher.

It's bloody hard and I wouldn't have done it when my dd was younger. She's 12 now and it's killing me still - but you know - wolf at the door and all that.

[user71017]

I earn £24k working 0.7. It's hardly 100k.

[user71017]

London fringe as well.

[MiniTheMinx]

I do get it, but OP you say you feel guilty because they are so young. It doesn't get easier. Until you have older children you can't really make a comparison. My boys are calm, sensible, centred and well behaved. But I still spend more time with other people's children if I work full-time, and whilst my job is rewarding, I'm still conflicted because I'd rather spend that time with my own!


Give up work? I did when they were young. But trying to get back into work on a 9 to 3 in any job worth having or that pays more than peanuts......good luck with that.

[Karak]

I'll start this by saying I couldn't teach because I couldn't stand in front of a classroom all day.

That said, holding it together at work and then coming home and snapping at the family happens to everyone. In fact my boss and I recently discussed what a big issue it is and our job is nothing to do with law. I see work colleagues and clients for more awake time than I see children (and their friends and parents as well).

I don't think the comparison helps you. And by helps you, I mean helps your head. Working means limited time with the family. If you need to work then (as a, presumably experienced teacher) you're probably doing about the least hours for the pay you're getting that you can do. Sure you could earn more but only after an extensive retraining position.

Up to you what you want to do but the issues you're talking about are issues every working parent faces. The only difference is you stressing yourself out because it's other children not adults.

[cheminotte]

If you want to get to know the pre-school mums, can you organise Xmas drinks / meal via FB?
I do school pick up 2 x week and 'know' the parents from ds1's class much better than ds2's because there were more social events organised for the parents in ds1's class. Surely there is some overlap in parents though?

[user71017]

I wish I could work my 70% as a block of days. I've asked and asked again but it's a resounding "no" as I only teach a core subject required every day (primary).

[RainbowBriteRules]

I get what you’re saying OP and I’m not a teacher. It’s always a race to the bottom on MN though, especially where teaching is concerned so it’s not the best place to post for sympathy or understanding .

From a practical point of view, I asked nursery / preschool staff if it was ok to put notes in children’s bags asking if they’d like to meet for a play date. I was worried it would be stalkerish but actually my DD got a lovely group of preschool friends that way. If they are on offer, WhatsApp or Facebook groups are good for getting to know parents too.

[Starlight2345]

Have you looked at job share and expanding what you teach . Our French teacher a few years ago took on a class a few years ago .

[user71017]

I work at a prep school so it's all taught by subject specialists. Job shares don't exist.

[drspouse]

I take my hat off to you because I couldn't be nice to a class all day, even on its own!