Any secondary school teachers able to advise? Settling problems in year 7

[Monr0e]

I have already posted this in chat also but would be really interested to hear from teachers on what if anything I can do to help. Or what you would advise a very worried mum at your school. Thank you.

I'm just so heartbroke for him. He started high school 2 weeks ago. It is reportedly a fantastic school but only him and one friend from primary have gone there. We had hoped they would at least be placed in the same form but they haven't.

DS told me at the end of this week that apart from in lessons he is completely alone. He spends break time wandering around looking for his next lesson and at lunch time he goes to the library and reads alone until lessons start again.

He cried last night because he has no friends and thinks this will be like this for the rest of the time he is there. He has already asked to go to another school.

I am so worried about him. I just don't know what to advise him or what I can do if anything. I just want to pick him up and hug him and take him back to nursery

You need to speak to his tutor, and or head of year as soon as possible.
Tutor should have been doing all sorts of getting to know each other activities in form time, but as these have not worked, ( or haven't happened!) then your dc needs more help to settle in, and the school should step and help him, often with the help of a buddy.
Are there any lunchtime clubs they can join as this can also help.

Definitely speak to his form tutor or Head of Year/House (whoever is your first point of contact, in my school it's head of year). There should be things going on to help the new year 7 settle in and make friends. It sounds like your son has slipped through the net but if you let them know they should be willing to help. They could help him find clubs and activities or ask his teachers to sit him next to the same child during different lessons so that he has more of a chance to up a friendship with someone. Usually giving kids a bit of a chance to get to know each other is enough for them to end up socialising and getting included in a group. By the middle of year 7 its normally impossible to tell who went to the same primary school.

Yes, contact the school. In our school, a teacher would have reported a loner spotted after the first two or three days, and if it continued, the tutor would be informed.

He only needs one friend to start with - has he noticed anyone else on their own?

If he's not too shy, practise conversation starters that he can use with the kids he sits with in tutor group and lessons: "Where do you go at break? Would it be OK if I came too?" or asking about football teams, games played at home and so on.

If he's even braver, he might be able to join a group at lunch and ask one of them about the homework or something. It's more likely that he would struggle to make the first move in which case, persevering with conversations in the classroom might be the way. If there is no progress, or if your child just cannot bring himself to interact more, an adult needs to get involved.

Could he join lunchtime clubs too?

Thats not a settling issue. Can only repeat what the others have said. Contact the head of year and say he is struggling to make friends. Ask for information on the lunch time clubs and after school clubs and discuss with him which ones he is going to sign up for. Is there a chaplaincy or somewhere vulnerable student go at breaks and lunchtimes and he could go there? What clubs / activities does he do outside of school?

Thank you everyone. I will definitely call the form tutor tomorrow and speak to him.

He plays rugby outside of school and played both rugby and football at after school club last week. I think he's finding breaks and lunch time the hardest. He feels everyone else has someone except him.

There is a team building day in a couple of weeks but I'm not aware of anything else they are doing with them.