Back to work and breastfeeding?

[Justgoingwiththeflow]

Anyone else?
Baby is 9 and a half months. I went back to work at the end of last term but I am starting in a new school and panicking. He has lots of allergies and doesn't eat much, mainly milk. Was hoping to have him more reliant on food but no such luck! Had a horrible experience where the crappy room I was given a key to was an office and I was interrupted pumping. Was so embarrassing and feeling nervous it might happen again in new school! Plus I have had to compromise and go up to 0.8 from 0.6 which I didn't want to do with 2 young children. Baby also wakes several times a night and every half hour when he is put down!

Someone tell me it'll be okay! Seriously panicking

Aww that sounds so tough for you

With regards to expressing - have you spoken to your new school about a place for this? If where they suggest doesn't seem suitable, try to locate somewhere in school which would be better and suggest that instead. Or see if you can create a 'do not disturb' sign for the door?

With the food - hopefully your son will start to eat more eventually and become less reliant on milk.

So you have a partner? If so, ensure that they are fully on board with doing their fair share of things at home. Night wakings are hideous when you're working - my son slept badly too and it was truly awful - I got through on copious amounts of coffee but was like a zombie for a while. You do cope though and it will get better!

Other things that helped us - keep.things as simple as possible at home e.g. have really quick dinners, ensure everything is organised the night before for the next day so you are not packing bags after a tough night.

Can you afford any help for cleaning/ironing?

Any family members willing to lend a hand at weekends to give you time to catch up.in sleep?

Good luck - I found it really hard going back at first but I got used to it.

Thanks for the reply. Not spoken to new school yet, now panicking!I can not express at school, But I will be really engorged and after having mastitis recently I'm not too keen on having it again! I guess I'll have to see how it goes.

I do have a partner, although he definitely doesn't do his fair share. I do nearly all cooking, cleaning, washing and bedtimes, baths etc. This is also playing on my mind as if this continues I'm going to be really struggling. It's been a struggle on maternity pay and he makes me feel guilty when he pays for anything and has had to pay for more than half which he hasn't liked so the only positive is that I shouldn't need to rely on him for money as such!

Hm not my definition of partner!! Sit down and lay out what he expects you to do and tell him what you need him to do.

Hopefully it gets easier as they get older!

Your partner sounds like a bit of a dick but that's none of my business. I'm hoping for you that's part of the tiredness etc.

Why can't you express at the new job? They are legally required to provide time and a place for you to be able to express and to store milk safely.

Work should really help you find somewhere to express, legally their not explicitly obliged but under the Health & Safety act they need to take care of their staff and the chance of you getting mastitis again would be a risk. Have an open chat with your employer and express your concerns. I'm sure they will help as much as they can. You could always have baby brought in for a feed at lunchtime or go visit baby to feed?

My baby only really started eating when I left him with family members. When he was with me he only wanted milk. Babies are SO adaptable, so try not to be too concerned.

I'd recommend reading about reverse cycling too. It's likely your baby will just feed more at night to make up for it. Would you consider co sleeping so you can try and get some more sleep? I bet you would both sleep better.

Sorry I'm advance, this is probably not helpful but do you have family as childcare? If you have the extra days wages could you put some towards a cleaner once a week? Obviously I apologise if you're going to be spending every penny on childcare.

Unfortunately no family to help.
Baby is going to a CM, older child is starting school. Bit of a pain having to also arrange drop offs and pick ups etc with childminder too to a breakfast/afterschool club. All just stressing me put really and all my responsibility as DP works 8-5 and couldn't possibly help out.

We do sort of co sleep now, I try not to but he always ends up in my bed. Not even made it to sleep tonight and can't count How many times I've had to settle him. He's now asleep in our bed (DP stormed off downstairs as i ìgnored him for a while, needed to compose myself as it's wearing on me!).

Thanks again for the replies, I do appreciate it x

Oh and Bobbie, it's not that I can't but I just don't know when/where it will be feasible and I'm worried about another situation where i felt humiliated

Has your partner always been a selfish waste of space?
That said, I went back when DD was 4 months and the head gave me his office to use when I needed it. This was 25 years ago, we should have moved forwards from that one accommodating person to it being the norm.
Worried about privacy, get a door wedge and a sign saying the room is in use to back up the lock. Work smart and remember that O.8 means that. Not ft.
Partner finishes work at 5, give him a job list for each evening. True childsharing at the weekends.

Just going with the flow isn't working for you, and it's not fair.

I went back to work with dd 4 days a week at 6months and with ds full time at 9 months, I expressed both times, I used to feed first thing, we co slept with babies in a cot attached to our bed until at least a year old as it meant I got more sleep but we also got more bed! They both eventually went into their own rooms, it took a while but there was no way I was tackling that until a holiday or something when I had the energy to.
I took a small cool bag, had the pump in a plastic Ziploc bag already sterilsed and snacks, went at break and at lunch for the first month or so and eventually managed to get to do it just at break and then not at all. I popped the milk straight into the fridge with an icebox in the medical room and then into the cool bag with a freezer pack. When dd went to a childmibder i just took the milk to her when I picked up and she kept It in her freezer. It didn't take long, I just had to ask if I could not be on break duty for a while and sometimes used frees, about 2 people knew I was doing it although I never really hid It, only mentioned if they needed to know and I used the medical room, if it was busy I used our stock cupboard and sometimes the heads pa's office! Bless her she would leave me a chair, make me a coffee and let me get on with it. I did have someone open the door once but it was ok, just shouted it was busy and always sat with my back to the door and a muslin handy just in case.

You'll be fine, just ask, they have to accommodate you, I just told our site manager type bloke I was going to be doing It, he got a bit flustered and just agreed to whatever I needed. In fact I didn't do break duty for the rest of the year even though I could have, bonus

Oh and I've had two horrific sleepers, was awful I won't lie but it doesn't last forever really you'll be ok. I still feed ds before bed, he's just given up the morning feed but he's boob obsessed. My supply settled right down after a few months. Things that helped were having a photo with me when pumping, took my phone to read etc so I still got a break, dh had to help in the morning getting us so up and out the door. In fact you need to tell him to help, just as much his responsibility as yours that your baby gets fed/sleeps/is happy!

@justgoingwiththeflow talk to your hr department if you want to, they will be able to sort a room for you somewhere, ideally one that can lock from the inside. Having a muslin handy like PP said is a good idea soon. If you still want to, don't let practicalities like that stand in your way.

I did mention more jobs sharing at home and lists etc. He wasn't impressed. I also said about sharing the cooking too but he used the excuse it would be too late. Trying to avoid confronting that side of things at the moment in case he steps up but it is infuriating at times to say the least. Every weekend we have to drive to his DMs, which while I don't mind, I still don t get a break. Then usually it's jobs on the other day. I never get a break now and I'm not working! Sorry for sounding so negative just feeling overwhelmed.

Back to the original problem.. I will ask. I've had to completely cut dairy, eggs, soya and other foods from my diet for the last 9 months so I'm sure I'll overcome this. Thanks all x

Let him go to his DM with the baby and you stay at home to 'catch up on all the jobs' Then run yourself a bubble bath.

Oh, and he can cook at anytime and freeze meals.

I don't know where to start with this - expressing at work is the least of your problems

Why do you "have to" go to his mum's?
Why are you afraid to insist he does his share, and instead hope that he will? (Clue: he won't)
Why haven't you worked out a fair way of managing finances while you've been on maternity leave?

I'm hearing a few alarm bells for emotional and financial abuse tbh. Hope I'm wrong!

For example:

"all my responsibility as DP works 8-5 and couldn't possibly help out."

Why on earth couldn't he possibly help out?! He could either drop off or pick up, couldn't he? Plenty of parents work those hours and still manage to drop off and collect children from childcare.

They are his children too, aren't they?

We used to live with his mum, then I moved out without him as he wouldn't. We bought a house together last year so he moved but we go every weekend to keep her sweet . Unfortunately he got his bad habits from there so there is no more help! If I wasn't to go I know he would take older DC but not baby.

Every time I mention how I feel, or that I think he is being selfish, he just gets in a strop that I'm being horrible and he isn't selfish. For example last night he came home from work, had tea and went and laid on the bed. I called him a few times, Then carried on. I called him selfish and he was in a mood then because he isn't selfish and he had been at work. Honestly I think a day at work is easier than looking after 2 kids! Then had a whinge about how much the summer holidays has cost.

He is going to pick up DS from school one day a week as there is no AS club but otherwise that is it.

I'm glad people agree that he is being selfish as it makes me doubt myself but makes me more worried about the situation!

Oh shit, you are his mother.
He moved from one career to another and is stuck in teenage boy mode. That's a lot trickier than expressing at work, have you posted on the relationships boards? You'll get a lot if support and informed advice there.

Carer. Not career.

Probably true!

Not sure about posting elsewhere, bit apprehensive about the replies!

FWIW, a lot of the people who post in Relationships are very supportive and wise. You could either start a new thread or get this one moved. Might need a new title though as I do think the relationship is more of an issue than the return to work.

PS Just don't post in AIBU

My DD is 8mo and is brought to my school at lunch and just after the children go home for a feed in my car in the car park- could you ask for the same?

Justgoing, Another Emma is right. I spend way too much time reading threads in Relationships, and have received very helpful advice and support there under a previous user name. If you ask HQ to move this (and change the thread title), you'll get lots of responses. Best wishes for the start of term.