Imposter syndrome and job interview

[KnittingPearl]

I have an interview this week for a job in a private school. I applied because it would be good practice, a pay rise , good school, closer to friends etc.

I didn't think I would get this far and don't think I really want the job - where I am now I make such a difference - there I really wouldn't, I like where I live and there is scope for progression here, etc.

Every day I suffer from (if that's the right word) imposter syndrome (this has been the case for about the last 15 years) and I know it would be worse there. I have spent most of this weekend crying or panicking, when I need to be planning a lesson on a topic new to me.

I suppose my question is, how bad is it to pull out of an interview? They are down to four, so if I pull out it is down to three. If I had pulled out sooner they could have invited one of the other applicants to interview.

Or do I just need to get a grip, do the interview/lesson, and decide if I want it if they offer it to me?

Honestly I would carry on with the interview process. It sounds like a job that would suit you better and your anxiety is telling you to back off.

If you get offered the job, then you can sit down and make a decision then.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

I would go to the interview to see what it's like, but it's perfectly ok to pull out on the day. Personally I think the added 'perfection' pressure of private education might not be good for you.

Why do you think you have imposter syndrome?
If it's a popular private school with good working conditions, lots of people will have applied. Depending on the job/ subject, 50+ may have applied. You are already clearly good enough to get to interview.
I don't particularly like an interview lesson with an unfamiliar topic but it's not the end of the world.
However, if it is weighing on you heavily, perhaps it is good to not go through with it. Can you weigh this up against all of the positives of getting the job?

Teachers pulling out of interviews isn't unusual because it's quite common to apply for lots of jobs at the same time. Don't go just because you don't want to inconvenience the school.
That said, it would be a good experience to go, have a look around and see what it's like so if you decide you don't want it at least you'll be better informed. Don't forget you can pull out on the day too.

It's not usual to spend the weekend crying and being hysterical over a job interview. Have you seen your GP about this?

On why I think I have imposter syndrome - fairly constant feeling I will be found out - had it all the way through university (I'm fairly sure I got into the university I went to because I went to the right school and speak with the right accent - though this is just another way it manifests itself, that chance/luck/circumstance is why I got my place), then through various (non-school) jobs till my current (school)one - my current job I still sometimes have these feelings, but they are so much better here than they have been anywhere else, and I know intellectually I am doing a good job.

Positives of the new job would be good school, good pay, good holidays, lots of interesting extra curricular things, intellectually stimulating, closer to my main group of friends, closer to a charity I'm involved with.

Cons are I love the state system, I can really make a difference here, having spoken to my head of department and head teacher they are keen for me to stay and have talked about progression with them, it is intellectually stimulating in a different way (less subject stimulating, more thinking up ways to connect with the children and engage them in the topic), it is cheaper here, I love this part of the country (though I love the other one too), I am starting to build a social life I enjoy (joining sports clubs, social groups etc), closer to family.

My presence or lack thereof at the private school will realistically make no difference to the children there - they have great teachers, have affluent families etc. I know they will have their own problems, but generally they have been blessed in life. And I think I really need to know I am making a difference.

I know I need to sort myself out - I wouldn't use hysterical to describe where I am, but I do know that it isn't usual to be in this sort of state. I'm incredibly good at putting on a front - my mother is the only person who can see through it, but even she has only started to see this in the last year or so. I've talked with some friends and we have mutually been surprised that we each feel like this - we are all good at portraying a veneer of confidence while at the same time feeling like frauds inside.

I don't want to not apply for things because of the little voice in my head calling me a fraud, because that is a guaranteed way to fail, but I feel that this jump (and it would be quite a big jump for me) would be too much given how stressful I have found the whole application process.

I can really see where you're coming from...
I've worked in state and independent. Yes, quite a few are massively wealthy but there's quite a few who do not find it very easy to pay the fees. There are still issues and if you teach in a non selective school, a huge range of abilities. The massive advantage is a smaller class to teach, less marking and for me, more time to devote to individual pupils.
It sounds like you really love your current school, hence less of a push to go? In many ways, that's the best set of circumstances as there's nothing to lose?
Some people are fully convinced they are fantastic and doing a great job when it's exactly the opposite.