No idea what to do.

[Strugglingtofunction]

I am not sure why I am posting and I am sure that I will be judged but I honestly do not know how to carry on. I have been feeling unwell for a while now. I have been to GP, I am taking anti depressants and I am seeing a counsellor. Things are just getting worse and worse. I am barely functioning and I am dragging myself through each day. I know the children deserve so much better and feel so guilty. I have sought support from HOD which was a pointless exercise and I now just wish I had kept my mouth shut. Taking time off doesn't seem to be an option. I am now at my wits end. How can I turn things around - is that even possible?

Meant to comment before.
It's the pressure of some schools, not a moment to breathe, relax,endless emails.
Your HOD sounds useless. Can you speak to a more senior member of the school who can support you? Your mental health is so important, more important than your job etc.
I know what you mean re: seeing through fog. It's almost as if you're removed, everyone else is "normal".
I would sign off, spend time collecting your thoughts and consider your next step. New school? Another application of your skills?

Just read the thread again . Take the advice- it is not unusual for teachers to be signed off with stress. I've seen it in several schools. Not making an excuse but your husband is probably quite stressed as well if he sees how low you are feeling.
Please keep us up to date

You need to get signed off. You really do. Before you completely crack.
I taught for many years but eventually pushed myself almost to the point of breakdown.
Back to the GP. Medication review and ensure the counselling isn't just you sounding off but actual CBT. A plan for recovery.
Good luck OP.

I think in particular the fact that this is putting a strain on your marriage means you do need to take positive action.

You sound like my DH so I can sort of sympathise with your DH. It is probably also stressful to live with you (and ,do bear in mind men traditionally are rotten at dealing with or discussing MH ). My DH (teacher)gets up every morning in a foul mood and doesn't want to go in. He brings everyone around him down and it isn't healthy. he has been to the doctor (but then has never attended counselling : fairly typical male...) and has now for another year missed the resignation date for his job - unlike your situation I have told him he can go part time or give up. But, unlike you, he ahs never discussed how he feels with anyone at work, so you are doing better than him, honest.

I tell you all this to show you you are not alone : lots and lots of teachers feel like you, and lots are struggling on. I often feel tight chested and panicky, too.

You must must must look after yourself. If you are getting no sympathy at work (reduced timetable springs to mind, or giving up that after school thing , absolutely) is there a nice union rep at your school who will represent you in any discussions? Your employer has to help you : it's a rule somewhere!

Still struggling on but feel I have hit rock bottom today. I feel as if I have no option but to resign. I am doing such a rubbish job at the moment. I thought that I was doing a bit better recently but a difficult parent over the last few days feels like the final nail in the coffin. Should I jump before I am pushed? What on earth am I realistically going to be able to do? Checkout at Tesco - if they would have me.

Really don't advise making big decisions like resigning when you are depressed. Take time off and focus on feeling better. Dont just take a day or two off. Recognise that you need a break and take it. Thinking about having a serious illness to avoid work is a sign that you are not well. You are also more likelyto make mistakes etc in this state.

Oh goodness, poor you OP. Please put your health first. You're worth it.

Thank you. I know that you are all right. Honestly you must all be fed up with me - lots of good advice which I appear to just ignore. I am just so terrified of the repercussions of having time off. Feeling a little calmer now and have tried smooth things over with the parent but probably too little too late. I feel as if people are starting to lose faith in me - understandably. It is helpful just to have somewhere that I can off load. Feel as if my career is shot regardless of what I do. Is this true is it just my warped thinking - I have no idea. Aargh! Feel like I am going mad.

My advice is to get signed off sick. Please do not feel guilty about this. You need to get yourself right.
Take time out. Get yourself better. A new start in a different field, supply teaching? Good luck

You're not seeing things as they really are. You need space, time, distance. Don't go in tomorrow, just don't. Self-certify for 7 days then ask the gp to sign you off. Please take care of yourself. It's a shame dh isn't helping you to do this.

OP, you sound very unwell. I mean this very very kindly! I had to sound the alarm about myself today as I'm not coping, and this is after a wobble in autumn. You sound like you're in a significantly worse place than me. What strikes me is how much of what you write is about things you assume to be the case - posters being annoyed, feeling your career is down the drain etc. None of these thoughts are based on facts. CBT would be really helpful in enabling you to distinguish between thought, feeling and fact. Also, have you told anyone in real life what you have posted here? I can't help but think that if you mentioned your thoughts about dying people would realise it's a lot worse than it may seem. I sat on the stairs sobbing at 6.45 this morning but you wouldn't have guessed from talking to me at break time today. Unfortunately (because it is really difficult), you have to tell people exactly what is going on before they can help you. And remember: we're here! I've also found Samaritans to be extremely helpful when my anxiety got out of hand. Big hug!

I am overwhelmed by the kindness, support and understanding of you all - I can't tell you how much it means to me. Thank you - really thank you. It means so much to be heard and understood. I do need to be more honest - I just don't know if anyone in my real life would understand or be supportive. Problems like this are seen as a sign of weakness aren't they? In spite of the young royals getting on board I still think a lot of people have little understanding or sympathy for mental health problems.

I don't think it's weakness, we're all different and struggle with different things! PM me if you want to chat. I am going to bed soon but will reply when I can.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound flippant! I should've added that it's different if you've got MH problems, obviously. People might not know a lot about those, but I'm fairly confident any teacher would recognise the circumstances and worries that triggered the initial negative thought patterns.

In bed crying. Think that I may have to give up on my marriage as well. Feel as if I just want to get into my car tomorrow and drive. Drive anywhere and just never come back.

I am a teacher and married to one with MH problems. He doesn't know when to go off sick and as a consequence he gets into terrible situations at work.

I promise you the consequences of working in your condition are worse than the consequences of going off sick.

You are ill. Take time off. Some days I think the comparatively good sick pay is the only perk left in teaching.

I left teaching a couple of years ago and am in a wonderful job with colleagues who are kind, supportive and fun. I found teaching a bit like a survival situation where no one could really afford to help anyone else or be sympathetic because they were under so much pressure themselves. You said your school was a good school and yet they really don't sound like they're being supportive. Or maybe you are so down on yourself you're expecting the worst. I'm not sure there are many people with their mental health still intact in teaching so can't imagine anyone criticizing you for feeling this way. There is life out there. You will only get a real perspective on it when you are away from the teaching profession for a while so you need to get away at least until September. Then I would personally recommend you get yourself out of teaching. Outsiders will never understand the pressure the system puts on you as a teacher so I imagine your husband just doesn't get it. He will in time. Tell him he needs to plan your escape so it's organised financially or he will have to face it suddenly without warning. Then get yourself signed off. You are very strong just to have survived this far OP.