You don't like my child

[lilyboleyn]

What is a good response when parents accuse you of not liking their child? It feels like this is a go-to accusation at my school. I kid you not, one parent said to me, "You wrote in his book to use a ruler and that shows you don't like my child!"

I want to say something that lets them know that's not the case at all, that that's not an acceptable thing to say to a professional (I actually find it really insulting) and to draw the conversation back to what it's really about. Whilst still being generally polite and professional.

Helpful responses only, please...

You told him to use a ruler? . Not sure what would get though thick headedness of that magnitude, tbh... God help you.

Sorry, that was spectacularly unhelpful

Oh I used to hate that. I used to ignore it and only respond to the actual problem, in your case.

"I wrote it to remind him that he is required to use a ruler" Bright look, more quizzical than smiley, slight head tilt...

But sometimes they just have to believe that you would be willing to throw away years of education and a perfectly decent job, just for their Little Darling!

I do like your child (if that's true), that is why I'm trying to help to do xyz (draw a straight line - much easier with a ruler). Or indont dislike your child I'm.simply trying to teach them and correcting them.when they m lake mistakes is part of that

Ha thanks 😊 To make it worse, Molly, that particular parent was a high-flying banker...

Sorry lily I must complain abut your spelling... High flying...?

Sod it... about

No advice but this also winds me up...sometimes I feel like saying I actually bloody love your child, you on the other hand, I'm a lot less keen on!! Obviously this is an internal Ally McBeal monologue...

Oh god, the old 'personality clash', where the clash is not normally between personalities but your desire to have kids follow certain rules like behave themselves and do their work and the kid's desire to be a lazy pain in the arse. They then blame you to their parents when they get told off, because no one else in the class ever gets told off apart from them.

"Of course I like Damian, but at GCSE he may find he loses marks if he doesn't use a ruler in his diagrams so it's best he gets in the habit now"

I'd say something bland like 'I like every child in my class' - I wouldn't get into trying to convince them I really like their kid. Maybe 'I like every child in my class and my role as their teacher is to ensure they use a ruler/do their work/don't disrupt every lesson'.

It is not my job to like or dislike the students in my class. I may not like their behaviour, lack of effort or bastard attitude. I always try and get the best out of each one.

PS. your child is a complete arsehat.

Perhaps my desire to respond like this is why I no longer teach!! I find the only parents who say these things are the ones whose precious snowflakes can do no wrong (yet disrupt every bloody lesson!)

Can I ask....do you get kids in the class that you really don't like?!

Back to response - "I like every child in my class" is a really good one.

Now about little johnnys ruler - I write notes like that in the books so parents can see them too and help their child develop.

Yeah but
We know you dont actually like them, do you?

Ha. I actually do really love my class this year. The problem is, when the parents bully, condemn and complain, it's harder to love their kid and I find myself pulling back from them for fear of causing the parents to bully more. Which is a shame because often the nastiest parents can have a bloody lovely kid.

Purple In 2 decades of teaching I can remember a handful that I really did not like. I did something I was told was impossible (on another thread about something similar) I pretended I liked them until it became true.

It helped that when I started to pretend they responded less obnoxiously...

I only remember 1 that, in the two years I taught him (2 subjects sadly) I disliked even more intensely with every passing week. His mum sent me a lovely bunch of flowers when he got his results (2 As). The note attached said "All apologies for his behaviour over the last 2 years. I really don't know how you managed" - I still have that card, abut 8 years on, just over a year after I finished teaching. He was obnoxious, rude, bullying and just so certain of his own superiority he was almost impossible to teach.

Do you need to respond? It's so ridiculous I'd ignore if one of my parents wrote that. If they then pull you up on it you can do the whole, 'gosh, I didn't realise you were being serious. What makes you believe I don't like .....?' That forces them to repeat themselves - which will sound as silly as it is. Then swoop in with one of the many sensible replies above about needing to use a ruler accurately/properly for x y z. This is absolutely nothing to do with rulers and everything to do with the parent concerned. Failing that, call them in and kill it with kindness.

Having said that, it would be delightful to write... 'You're absolutely right, I don't like your child' next to the comment and be able to see the reaction.

It's not my job to like him/her, and there's no special treatment for anyone, everyone must follow class rules and use a ruler/bring a pen/not snap a chair by swinging on it... knobheads

Blanche that's a really good way of dealing with it.

I think I shall use that - I have a couple of customers at work who I really dislike so will give that a go!

That's not true I like your child - it's his/her parents I can't stand

I have teacher friends who say they don't like certain children and I'm pretty sure there have been one or two that have clashed with mine or with me.

However, I am not sure how asking a child to use a ruler means you don't like them.

Just draw the silly parent's attention to the instruction and ignore the liking bit.

This "liking" shite gets right on my threepennies, and is usually followed by "personality clash" which is manifested by the said child never doing any work. Ever.

I teach secondary and find that the accusation of not liking a child goes hand in hand with that child not doing as well in my subject as they/their parents think they should be doing.

Apparently I don't like a boy in my year 8 class as I sent him out of class (with slt) after he launched - unprovoked - a full water bottle across the room at another pupil. I was writing notes on the board and according to the parent if any other child had done that I wouldn't have punished them.

To be fair she is correct - her son is an obnoxious bully who is vile to the other children ...