helping a grieving child

[HexBramble]

I have a pastoral position in my secondary school. One Year 8 pupil has anxiety at a high level and suffers with grief (loss of older brother). The loss was 7 years ago but he seems to have never recovered . It almost seems that the grief is woven into his personality. We have arranged in school counselling for him to try and tackle these issues but he's in such a state afterwards, I wonder whether we are doing the right thing. I've contacted his Mum (single mum) and she's very supportive and caring. We've suggested a GP intervention to help support him out of school and this is what she is doing.

A significant anniversary of the deceased is imminent and he wants to commemorate it. He is looking for me to help him (and of course I will) but I'm out of ideas.

I so want to help him but I'm not trained for this and am Concerned that I could make things worse. This seems like such a specialist topic and I don't know what else to do. Of course, SENCO is fully aware, supportive etc but nothing's helping the poor lad.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Have you looked at the Winston's Wish website? There might be something helpful on there.

That was my thought too, they have trained volunteers who will come into school to talk with staff and a good website.
www.winstonswish.org.uk/

Not heard of the website - much thanks. Will read the link now.

The Child Bereavement Trust would be another place to look.

The Child Bereavement Trust would be another place to look.

The Compassionate Friends might be able to help too.

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say that you sound like you are doing an amazing job for him. I lost my mum earlier this year and my brother, who is only 13, has had fantastic pastoral care from his school. Just knowing that there is someone there that he can speak to at any time has made such a difference to us all. I hope you are able to find something that works for this poor boy, he is very lucky to have a teacher who cares so much.

When you say 'suffers with grief' what do you mean? What are you observing/ hearing him say?

I agree that more specialised help may be needed btw if the loss was 7 years ago.

Melon he becomes tearful and anxious. He's unable to attend PSE lessons that address death/suicide/illness because he cannot cope with how it makes him feel. Same with RE. He turned up at my door quietly - no drama, no fuss - struggling and whispered that he couldn't cope with the lesson.

Noisy environments make him anxious too and I find he can calm himself by sitting quietly in my room, focusing on breathing. I tell him that he needs to face situations which make him anxious in order to be able to start controlling his fear, but again, I'm no psychologist and I also need to get him into lessons.

The balance is a tough one to strike so I'm finding this difficult to deal with. He's such a quiet, gentle soul - not a bad bone in his body. I know he trusts me so I want to do right by him.

Daisy's Dream are great too.

What part of the country are you in? There are some local charities in the Northwest that provide very good support for Teachers and Schools in how to help bereaved students.