I guess this is kind of an AIBU.
Information dump first:
I'm not in the UK, and have a 9 yr old son with a formal ASD diagnosis. He's in a state-run bilingual school (local language plus English).
The schools here have the kids with one pair of teachers and in the same classroom for the first three grades, then change teachers and classroom, and the kids stay with those for the next three grades. DS has just made the switch to new classroom and teachers.
There is no formal policy in place for my son, and I've been told it will take at least a year until there will be one. I've met with the schools equivalent of a senco. She has a meeting with the teachers scheduled in a couple of weeks.
Now to specifics:
DS's class teacher teaches him for three subjects. DS can't get the schoolwork completed at school (which runs from 8 till 4!), so is completing it at home and on the weekends. On the weekends this can involve several hours of refusal and meltdowns. Often one problem is that DS has decided the work should be done in a non-standard way which involves more work on his part. For example, when asked to answer questions in a note book, he'll write out the question first (which is not required), and then the answer. So it's double the time and effort.
I want to be able to tell his teacher about this type of problem. Perhaps a one or two minute, at most, explanation of the problem (e.g., writing out the question as well), so that he can simply tell DS not to write them. DS is more likely to accept that authority than mine, and getting the work done would be much easier.
Any other problem (and there is only one other issue that needs discussion right now) would involve the same level of time and effort on both sides, i.e. absolutely minimal. I've been a teacher myself, and have no intention of cornering him and ranting on.
But the teacher will not let me even approach him at all. If I even ask to talk to him, he'll refuse and say that any discussion can wait until the senco meeting. In the meantime I have a 9 year old who is freaking out at home and at school.
Finally, the questions (and thank you to anyone who has read this far):
Am I being unreasonable to want to be able to talk to the teacher? Or am I being one of those parents?
If you were the teacher in this situation would you want to know?
Would you want it deferred to the senco instead?
Would you prefer to be told by email so as to not risk being cornered by a parent who, for all you know, is about to inundate you with a billion issues.
Am I being unreasonable by telling the teacher what I think he should be doing?