Advice when a parent is adamant their child is being 'bullied'

[Penny0988]

A girl in my class (Girl A) doesn't get on with another girl (Girl B) - (I teach upper KS2.) They have have never been friends and there is history of their mums not getting along. I spend a lot of time sorting out and monitoring issues between them but to be honest, I don't think there is one instigator of trouble. It's six of one and half a dozen of the other!

Girl A's mum is particularly insistent that things should be 'sorted out'. She regularly writes in her contact book accusing Girl B of 'bullying' her daughter and I've been on the phone to her several times this term because she's often in the office complaining (not just about this issue - several minor things.) I like Girl A but I do feel that she acts one way at school and then goes home and lies about things that have happened. She has told tall tales about several of our TAs and they have had to phone her mum and explain the real story after she's written in and complained.

Girl A has been accusing Girl B of giving her dirty looks, bumping into her and saying nasty thing. We (myself and TA) have monitored this situation closely and we can honestly say that we don't think these things have been happening. In fact, I have caught Girl A deliberately following Girl B on the playground or staring at her to cause an argument.

Her mum complained again on Monday and said Girl B was bullying her daughter. I said it had been sorted out and I did discuss it with the girls. Girl A said she was happy and didn't feel upset or threatened. The same day, Girl A's mum phoned in and has set up a meeting with me next week to discuss 'the bullying'.

I don't know what to say about this as I think her daughter is exaggerating what is going on for attention. She has lots of siblings and it seems that very little time is spent with her at home (never read with etc.) I wonder if she is doing this because it makes her mum show her attention. What should I say in this meeting? I don't want to upset her mother but I honestly don't think it is bullying.

For goodness make sure you have someone else in the meeting with you (HT/DHT/SENCO/Inclusion person - depending on size of school).

If you haven't done it before, do a bit of reading about structured conversations. It would give you a format to follow and make sure that the meeting doesn't ramble around without coming to any clear conclusions.

Finally, get someone else to make notes on the meeting (ie your second person) so that there is a clear record about what is said and agreed.

But as to your original question about what to say in the meeting, you should be advised about how to tackle it by someone in school who knows the family and the background to the situation. I'd assume this isn't the first time one of your colleagues has had to deal with this.

One thing I have found useful in similar situations is to find a minute towards the end of the day to check in with Girl A about the day. This means if she claims something has happened you are at least dealing with her version of events before her mum has stirred it up further. Also is Girl A complaining to you as soon as things are happening. If not then mum needs to be reinforcing the message that Girl A needs to be informing you in school. I know initially this may mean you spending time on what is probably quite minor things but it may save time long term. Finally I would try actively promoting other friendship groups for Girl A.
It could well be attention but that is not an easy thing to raise with a parent. I would tell the parent that whilst I did not think bullying was taking place I was concerned about child As perception of events and
comr up with some strategies to deal with that.

Thanks for your advice.

Girl A does not often tell me when things are happening but recently she's mentioned it and it's been sorted out the same day. I checked in with her today and she told me that she had 'made up' with Girl B and that they are 'friends' now.

It's a shame because Girl A is a nice child but isn't well liked. She was very light-fingered last year and all of the children found out that she'd taken equipment from classmates on more than one occasion. She was then labelled for this and she still is shunned socially by some of the children. As a result, she doesn't have many friends and is treated as a scapegoat - the rest of them seem to blame her for everything and I have addressed this in PSHE.