bullied by a student

[afterthought]

I am feeling increasingly like I am being bullied by one of my students. I feel so pathetic just typing that. Just wondered if anyone had any experience of dealing with this themselves, or helped anyone else deal with it?

Thanks

I once had a similar situation. It was awful, I was pregnant at the time and felt so threatened. Can you explain what said student is actually doing?

Started off with just general poor behaviour (not just reserved for me - this is historical and across the board), then came the verbal abuse. It has progressed to them making comments about me to the rest of the class who I have a good relationship with - my guess is that the student is trying to turn the others against me. Again I feel such an idiot being in this situation.

How old is the student? I would go through official route. So talk to the pastoral team and head of upper/lower school.

The student is 16. Am slightly worried about the official route as I'm worried it will make me look incapable. I hate this part of teaching - I know it is not me - the student is choosing to behave like this but I'm worried it will be made out to be somehow my fault, or that I'm weak.

I think the longer you let them get away with it the worse. Also makes the rest of the class feel threatened and you look out of control. Keep a careful note of what's being said and perhaps take witness statements from other kids? Also, to give you an opportunity to get the others back on your side send him to your head of dept next lesson and lesson after. It'll give you a break and can get class back on side. I understand your fear about seeming incapable but capability has nothing to do with a little twit spoiling your lessons. I think you need to speak to head of years asap to nip this in the bud.

Does he make the comments intending that you hear? What sort of comments?

I would address them firmly with 'how rude, I won't accept that sort of behaviour in my classroom' and then chuck him out or have him removed.

It would be weak in this situation to try to ignore him. Strength is calling in back-up, involving teachers higher up the chain and having him taken out of your class if he is rude to you. He is relying on you being too ashamed by what he is saying to escalate it.

Is this school or college?

Email. List what's been said factually. Tell the tutor/pastoral leader/head of upper school that the present behaviour is unacceptable. State you will be making a formal complaint about workplace bullying if his behaviour continues.

There also needs to be a separate letter home to parents outlining that the present behaviour is unacceptable.

Speak to your union if it isn't resolved

Why will it make you look weak?

The other alternative is to give him one warning, then tell him to leave the class. If this happens a few times, inform tutors/parents/pastoral that the boy is putting his GCSE grade at risk because his extremely poor behaviour has resulted in him spending most lessons outside. Give them the problem.

If he refuses to leave the classroom, call for assistance to remove him immediately but carry on teaching as usual.

Thanks for the replies - I know deep down it needs to be tackled so it is reassuring to hear other people saying it. The bizarre thing is that I know management will be supportive. It is a school for children with challenging behaviour - I'm sure I won't be the first and I won't be the last. I think the thing that really got me was that the things that were said were really juvenile, and I was worried I would look childish by making a big thing of it (probably what the student wants).

I'm not sure if I dealt with it the right way today - I didn't want to show I was bothered and addressing the child firmly would probably have ended with me being told to eff off (that would have then been dealt with by exclusion) so my response was that I didn't care what they thought of me. It just seemed the right way to respond at the time.

Normally I deal with behaviour issues well, but there is something so much more personal with this.

Sounds very difficult, OP, but certainly in my experience of different schools not uncommon (unfortunately), so don't feel alone, or like you can't speak to anyone. I'm sure colleagues will be supportive - I'd hate to think of a colleague dealing with this on their own! And once you have spoken about it, in some ways it may not loom so large, iyswim. You may, for example, find that many other colleagues are experiencing the same from this student.

Is there anyone (perhaps a form tutor?) who knows this student particularly well and might be able to talk through good strategies for working with him?

Whatever happens, please remember that you do not have to feel bullied in the work place - and it is no reflection on you that this is happening; you are entitled to support with this.

I am also the tutor, which somehow makes it feel worse.

I shall definitely speak to someone tomorrow. It is a difficult situation as I don't want the student to know it has bothered me but I don't want it to go unchallenged either. I shall also think of some suitable responses (saying 'you can't speak to me like that' won't work as the phrase is likely to be repeated, just to prove they can!)

Perhaps say you won't tolerate being spoken to in that way, he can then repeat if he wants, but you've warned him you won't put up with it. In my experience saying 'you can't' do whatever it is just provokes this 'watch me' attitude. I tell them if they choose that behaviour, they choose the consequence.

I would suggest that you tackle the student on his disruptive behaviour rather than homing in on the rudeness. So if he says something rude, don't tell him off for what he says but the fact he is disrupting the learning of others. Don't engage with his rudeness at all and keep a paper trail. Refer everything upwards immediately and get parents involved as soon as possible. Again, focussing on the lack of learning rather than the rudenness; that way it is not about your relationship but about the impact on his education.

Good luck; this is a shitty situation but I think most of us have been there at some point.

Thanks again. Am feeling much more positive - better than sitting at home on my own mulling it over. I will work with my manager on a set of consequences as I find it much easier to deal with a situation when I know what the consequences will be if they don't follow my instructions.

Sadly the child doesn't care about education or disrupting others (they are not being disruptive, the others are choosing to be disrupted - answer for everything!).

Thanks for reminding me about the paper trail, I shall log it on the system. I normally do that as a matter of course for behaviour issues but this situation seems to have flustered me.

As much as I hate feeling like others have been through this, I'm sort of glad I'm not alone.

This has happened to me. I kept a record of everything and the exact words that were said. I made sure that I always had an assistant in the class with me and I would hover by the door if they were late coming to the class. The head was supportive and got the police liaison officer to speak to the child. She asked if I wanted to make it an official charge but I said no because I was too scared that the child would make a false allegation that could ruin my life. After telling all the pupils that I had called the police on him ( I hadn't), he did back off.

I would say there is a huge difference between taking control and not tolerating the behaviour (and getting in those higher up if necessary) to deal with his behaviour and somehow betraying that it 'bothered' you. It should bother you, inasmuch as it is poor behaviour and unacceptable. So you should deal with it, in a systematic way, calmly. I have had to call in my HOD before - it shows the class / student that the school is a collective organisation, and that there are systems in place. Not that you are weak. It has worked well for me.

What about a phone call home? Or a quiet word and mention of the possibility of one?