Can I recover from this?

[Ridingthestorm]

I had 13 weeks sick leave due to stress and I have recently returned. To cut a long story short, after 14 years of 'good' teaching I had a sudden confidence crisis that was triggered by my head teacher's behaviour and attitude and things said and done which caused me to loose my self-esteem.

Since my return, my head teacher hasn't made any effort to speak to me; not even a courteous "hello, how are things?" apart from the phased return (which there is no timetable of hours/days to show progression towards full time and nothing written to show hat my duties would be) nothing else has been done or put in place. My Union said they will probably think it is not worth their while to invest in my return because it is only temporary before I leave for a planned absence. This has not done my self esteem any good. I am now made to feel inferior, unworthy of help and support and even basic acknowledgement. Part of me understands why things haven't happened but this has never been explained to me. It oesn't cost much in time, energy or finance to say hello to someone!

As it turns out, I found out that some of the reasons behind my stress have been removed and I think this is why the head is avoiding me. She hates me for standing up to her and causing her 'no option' but yo back own.

It has left me wondering whether I am at the beginning of 'career suicide'. I had hoped that me and the head could salvage or repair our relationship (despite everything, I still like her and admire her drive and determination; she is just going about it in the wrong way - damaging staff well-bring etc) but I am left wondering if this has been damaged beyond repair.

Colleagues including SLT are advising me to ignore her behaviour and enjoy the 'light duties' for the next few weeks. They are telling me that she is hated by most, ignorant, selfish and an 'uncaring cow'. I can see where they are coming from! I am scared that she will do to me that she did to another ex-colleague which was capabilities. I believe she will bide her time and do this on my return.

I am actively looking for another teaching job. But has anyone any experience of salvaging a damaged relationship with your head and continued to do the job without reprisals?

If your head knows that you find them stressful they maybe just trying to avoid stressing you.

It says more about her than you. Always say a cheery good morning to her, even if she blanks you every time. I would focus all your energy on looking for another job and get out of there as soon as possible if I were you.

I have said hello when she said a generic hello when entering the staff room but tbh, I haven't actually seen her!!!! She asked me to 'shut the gates' on my way out and I said 'bye,'. So I am making an effort when I see her.

It could be that she is avoiding me to lessen the stess but more inclined to think it is because she has begrudgingly removed some of the stress factors. I did state many weeks ago that her total disregard for staff well-being was annoying and frustrating. She was actually told by a member of SLT that she was breaking her staff but denied it. After that, I went sick, many people complained to Union about similar things and STILL she behaves as though staff don't matter. The only time she seems to see staff is at meetings which everyone says are quite negative and soul destroying.

She focuses so much on the data and targets (part of me can understand why) that she forgets that there are human beings who actually do the job to give her the results she needs to jump through the stupid hoops OFSTED create!!!

I live and work in a rural area and jobs are not as forthcoming as they would be in urban and cities unfortunately. I have a plan that she is aware of and seemed positive about (but heads can be a bit 'all talk' and full of 'face') but doubt anything will come of it. I am actively trying to look for another job even though I can't actually take a position until September at the earliest and not ideal, October or Jaanuary starts being preferred.

If you resign at February half term, could you not go at Easter?

I would avoid her and keep your head down. It isn't going to get any better and she isn't going to change.

Update your personal statement etc so you have that ready when you do see a job you can apply for.

I can't resign at half term for other reasons. No option but to remain employed by the school as it would cost me 'financially' if I did. Resignation can only take place in the 2015 Autumn term with a view to leaving Easter 2016. It would be an absolute last resort!!!!!

She has made some changes. Not sure if SHE has changed though! Still as stubborn as ever! The changes that have taken place are a result of my 'issues' that she was made aware of weeks and weeks ago. But I don't think she 'happily' made the changes. I do believe she was 'forced' to begrudgingly, hence why she is probably avoiding me; she is utterly pissed off with me for 'making' her do something she didn't want to do. She could also be thinking (wrongly) that being in my presence could cause me stress. Her absence and avoidance of me is making me stressed!!!! Lastly she could be avoiding me to protect herself. She knows Union are supporting me and doing a grand job and she is worried that everything she says and does would be recorded as evidence by me (which is not wrong to think because I am noting all exchanges, not that there have been any) but she did say hello this morning - a rushed 'hello" that seemed half muted and obviously uncomfortable for her to do.

It makes me sad to think that we would never be 'okay' with each other. This isn't how I want to leave something especially as I have given so many years to the school as it isn't!

I am not a teacher but my line manager is in an office at the other end of the country. Weeks go by when I dont speak to him. No problem. Just both busy and getting on with our work. Why dont you just go along with colleagues advice and ignore this antisocial behaviour? She does not have to be your friend, although it would obviously be in her interest to have happy staff and being antisocial is not good. Maybe she is also under stress with budgets etc, and just does not have energy to be friendly.

I am 'coming to terms' with the fact that she will probably remain 'anti-social' and seemingly have little interest in her staff unless it is to do with observations, scrutinies and meetings. Staff mental health and well-beiing is such a low priority for her when actually it should be pretty high up on her agenda so that we are better at our job!

I am certainly not asking her to be my friend but she does pay more attention to some staff than others; this has actually created a lot of disharmony in our school and she is completely oblivious to it all despite being 'warned' about the health and well-being of staff four months ago.

Work has got a little better. I am doing a lot of cover for absent staff in the next few weeks although I was left to 'sort it out' as the head nor the secretary could tell me what the member of staff, whom I am covering, did in the school in terms of teaching!?!?!? Even the partner teacher shrugged her shoulders! But with some investigating, I did manage to find out when I was supposed to be teaching although a distinct impression that fellow teachers seemed disinterested and even a bit disappointed that I was going to be teaching in the opposite class. This has unnerved me as my absence has absolutely nothing to do with them and feel like a complete outcast that nobody wants!

2 weeks and 3 days to go!!!