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Diana's age at time of marriage.

724 replies

Peedoffo · 17/12/2022 16:26

I'm in my 20s so I really don't remember Diana. I did more reading on the subject and I can't believe the establishment thought it was ok to marry a 19 year old off to a man 13 years older than her who had no interest in her. No wonder she struggled this was the 1980s as well not the Victorian times! Could anyone around then tell me , why did her family back/support the marriage? Was there any concerns from the public ? I would be horrified at the thought of marrying my DD off at 19 to a much older man who wasn't really interest.

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Original poster
Peedoffo · 17/12/2022 16:51

IcedPurple · 17/12/2022 16:48

In those days, it was considered embarrassing for a Prince of Wales to be already a mature man and still be single. Charles had been round the block a few times but none of the women were interested in being the next Princess of Wales. So Charles needed to find a suitable wife and start producing sons with a quickness. Diana seemed perfect. Young, without a 'past', from impeccable aristocratic lineage and very enthusiastic about being a future queen. The Spencers were all for it too. The fact that Charles did not love her and that they were totally incompatible didn't seem to factor in.

It was very much in the tradition of arranged aristocratic marriages, the last of its kind in the British royal family.

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The sad thing is , Diana seemed to be the only one who didn't understand the deal. If perhaps he was allowed to marry someone older they might have been more agreeable to it.

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electricmoccasins · 17/12/2022 16:51

Itsthewhitehat · 17/12/2022 16:39

Is there actually a definitive test to prove virginity?

No.

An intact hymen is usually a sign that a woman hasn’t had sexual intercourse, but the hymen can break through exercise, and some women are born without a hymen.

Diana had a fertility test rather than virginity test.

It isn’t so much that the future Queen of England needs to be a virgin, but needs to be ‘seen’ to be a virgin, needs to appear ‘chaste’.

Diana was young and had no known previous boyfriends. Camilla was older and had had one or two ‘serious’ relationships including Andrew Parker-Bowles. She may well have still been a virgin (doubtful), but her behaviour was not that of the future Queen consort. And we all know Caesar’s wife must be above suspicion…

(It’s all pure misogyny)

teezletangler · 17/12/2022 16:51

It was not common to get married at 19 then. In 1981 the average age of first marriage for women was 26.9!!! All this data is available the ONS website.

Even as a child in the 1980s I can remember being incredulous that Lady Di got married at 19 to a man that much older. It was a very odd and unusual situation all round.

RentalBar · 17/12/2022 16:52

YABU.

My mum was 20 when she met my day who was 30. This was in the 60s, mind. She married him after a 6 months courtship. They are still very happily married at 80 and 90 years of age.

Cookerhood · 17/12/2022 16:52

I seem to remember being told in 1981 that 2% of the population went yo university (I may have made that up, but that's my memory).

picklemewalnuts · 17/12/2022 16:53

It was almost the norm to be unable to marry the person you wanted, in those circles. I can't remember the details, but I don't think Margaret married the man she wanted, Elizabeth wanted Philip, but he was significantly older.

Sadly, Diana wanted more than was the expected norm (convenience).

It's sad that there is no obvious way of avoiding problems. Restricting the pool of sensible choices ought to result in spouses understanding the unique pressures of the life. Kate and William seemed to go for the 'wait until everyone's absolutely sure what's involved and ready to compromise about it' approach.
Harry and Meghan clearly didn't understand what they were getting into.

MarshaMelrose · 17/12/2022 16:53

She was a couple of years younger than me so I remember it all quite well. There really wasn't a massive interest in the royals. They just did their job and weren't that glamorous. Then when Diana came along there was this huge explosion of interest in her and still very little interest in the other royals. I don't remember it being any sort of a deal that there was a discrepency in age and I was more or less her age.

TerraNostra · 17/12/2022 16:53

teezletangler · 17/12/2022 16:51

It was not common to get married at 19 then. In 1981 the average age of first marriage for women was 26.9!!! All this data is available the ONS website.

Even as a child in the 1980s I can remember being incredulous that Lady Di got married at 19 to a man that much older. It was a very odd and unusual situation all round.

@BrokenCup said it was 23- one of you must be mistaken?

Itsthewhitehat · 17/12/2022 16:54

Byfleet · 17/12/2022 16:41

I am 60 so I remember those times well and I am a similar age to Diana.

It was not common at all to marry at the age of 19. Nobody I knew married at that age. I married in my mid 30s, as did almost everyone I knew, if they married at all.

Most people at the time thought it was sad and awful that she was marrying so young and to someone much older.

There is a very strange understanding of social history on MN sometimes. People in their 60s (Diana’s generation) were punks and had parents who were hippies.

But that depends on your circle.

My mum would be 67 if she was alive. She married at 20. 1 of her sisters married at 18. One at 21. The other who is now in her early 50s ( there was a big age gap) married in her late 20s.

Most of my friends parents also married at around that age. My mums closest friends all married before 24. That’s why to a lot of us, we feel it wasn’t unusual. Because our parents are that age and they did, people they know did marry at that age.

People you knew didn’t. But our experiences always will form part of our opinion on these things. You clearly have one view, but that’s not reflective of my family on either side.

Neither my Dads or my Mums parents were Hippies and my parents weren’t punks. My maternal grandfather was in the Navy, from 17, and my maternal Nana worked in a factory that made shirts from her mid teens. I have their letters and all their photos. Definitely not hippies. My Dads parents were immigrants, not hippies.

My Mum had the appearance more akin to a hippie. In fact, that’s what her dad labelled my Dad because he had quite long hair.

BrokenCup · 17/12/2022 16:54

TerraNostra · 17/12/2022 16:50

I also take issue with whoever said that in the eighties only a small percentage went to university and most people left school at 16. It was the heyday of free university education, full grants and "new universities" popping up all over the place.

I was 10 when Charles and Diana got married. Perhaps there was a rapid change in society in the subsequent 5 years, but by the time I was choosing what subjects to study at my comprehensive state school it was entirely expected that at least 50% of each year group would go on to higher or further education.

That said, Diana was not at all academic and would have been unlikely to have gone to University even if she had been given the opportunity.

The stats aren't hard to find. In 1980 15% went to university . You ca take issue all you like, but you're looking own circle, when the overall position was much different.

senua · 17/12/2022 16:54

Diana was an adult. We didn't have kidults back then.

Original poster
Peedoffo · 17/12/2022 16:54

RentalBar · 17/12/2022 16:52

YABU.

My mum was 20 when she met my day who was 30. This was in the 60s, mind. She married him after a 6 months courtship. They are still very happily married at 80 and 90 years of age.

I worded the title wrong , it was an arranged marriage. He didn't love her but she didn't really know the deal.

OP posts:
Cookerhood · 17/12/2022 16:55

Thanks @BrokenCup . I thought 2% seemed a bit low.

Newwardrobe · 17/12/2022 16:55

MzLucky · 17/12/2022 16:47

I watched news coverage the other week. It was on tea time news the drs had inspected her and confirmed she was a virgin. My jaw is still on the ground!

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What test did they do ? A woman's hymen can break without having sex .

TerraNostra · 17/12/2022 16:55

Cookerhood · 17/12/2022 16:52

I seem to remember being told in 1981 that 2% of the population went yo university (I may have made that up, but that's my memory).

Perhaps 2% of the entire adult population of all ages had BEEN to University?

Which is not the same as the percentage of young people in the 80s who were going on to more education after leaving school?

MarshaMelrose · 17/12/2022 16:56

It was an awful outcome for all of them and the destruction shows what happens when people don't marry for love.

Whereas when people marry for love that always works out so well. 🙄

SaturnaliaCalling · 17/12/2022 16:58

mdh2020 · 17/12/2022 16:27

Her family were desperate for the marriage. They wanted to be linked to the royal family and they wanted her to be Queen

Like the Howards

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 17/12/2022 16:58

I was just a few months different in age to Diana. I think early 20's was the usual age to marry then so Diana was a bit on the young side whereas Charles was old to still be single. At the time I couldn't really see what she saw in Charles, I considered him too old for me but accepted it all as the big romance the media told us it was at the time. All the details about her having to be a virgin so no previous lovers would sell stories to the newspapers came out later. The public didn't realise then that they barely knew each other. Camilla wasn't mentioned and all the details of that relationship became public much later.
I think the Spencer family and The Royal family were still operating under the social norms of a much earlier time whereas Diana was a woman of the 1980's and her ideas of marriage were very different.

Stormz · 17/12/2022 16:58

@Newwardrobe yeah I know. I cant imagine at 19 my personal information like that being tea time news. Poor Di here whole life put out there for everyone to see and read about. Where was her right to dignity and privacy?

picklemewalnuts · 17/12/2022 16:59

This was the era of Sam Fox and Mandy Wyman remember. When young teens could be groupies without police being called in.
If you had a June/July/august birthday, you could leave school at 15 (Easter of your exam year).

As for punks and hippies- in London and cities maybe. In lots of places, things weren't as forward thinking. It was more unusual for educated women to marry that young but one at Uni was married before 21.

If you'd been working full time from 16, married at 20 doesn't seem so shocking.

KILM · 17/12/2022 16:59

Im still confused - so there's no bonkers royal rule written down anywhere, she just had to be a virgin because.... misogyny? Have i got that right?
So what happened when Kate turned up, was there a discussion then or had the royal family realised being overly committed to a random penis having previously entered the vagina of a future queen is SEVERELY FUCKING WEIRD and not good PR by then?

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/12/2022 17:00

It was definitely a bit odd.

Obviously he had to marry someone, but I don’t think he was especially keen to, and anyone he had got close to asking (eg Jane Wellesley) had shied away. It’s hard to get someone to agree to live in a goldfish bowl.

So when she was up for the job and thought she was in love with him, I guess it just seemed a solution. Her family was very fragmented, her granny was a mate of the queen mum and supposedly in favour . She came from the right background and it felt like a fit. An age gap like that wasn’t usual then but it wasn’t so unusual in aristo families, at least till recently before. And trying to make a dynastic marriage was a thing more than now.

Everyone thought she was a dopy Sloane and I guess that they’d muddle along quietly having affairs but doing their bit in public. I think he was at least fond of her to start. No one expected it to be such a car crash, or for them both to be so unhappy.

How wrong you can be..

GrazingSheep · 17/12/2022 17:00

Her grandmother, Ruth, Lady Fermoy was a close friend and confidant of the Queen Mother. I imagine they engineered the engagement and marriage between them

Stormz · 17/12/2022 17:01

@KILM am I confused or was there media speculation at the time about Kate's virginity?

Maybe it came from Henry the 8th time. They had to be virgins for him.

MaryMollyPolly · 17/12/2022 17:01

I also take issue with whoever said that in the eighties only a small percentage went to university and most people left school at 16. It was the heyday of free university education, full grants and "new universities" popping up all over the place.

I was at school in the ‘80s. We were told that only 5% of people went to university. Most people definitely left school at 16. Even those that went on to do A levels, most did not go to university. Some went to polytechnics, or secretarial colleges, or into nursing etc.