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Original poster

My furry boy pts after being hit by a car. I am falling apart. How do I help his brother?

25 replies

Furrybaby · 09/09/2023 06:09

I have two boys, siblings. They are about 18 months old and we rescued them in April this year after seeing an appeal on social media for someone to adopt them as they couldn't be separated, but no one would take 2.

They are both very cheeky and adventurous.

Yesterday I was at work and received a call from a local vet. One of my boys had been taken in after being hit by a car, they scanned him and called me.

I called dh and we went straight there. His pelvis and hips were shattered and he couldn't stand, he'd no circulation to the back of his body, it was so cold and he'd suffered severe impact injuries to one side.

The lady that bought him in is a neighbour who saw him in her garden, so we think he may have been trying to get home. The thought of him in so much pain trying to get home absolutely breaks me.

When we got to the vet he was laid down having been dosed with painkillers and he looked so tiny and helpless. I know this sounds ridiculous but I swear when I got there and spoke to him, he looked pleased to see me. I stayed talking to him and stroking him for what felt like hours, but at the same time didn't feel long enough. The decision was made for him to be put to sleep and while I know it was the right decision I'm so utterly heartbroken. He died being fussed and talked to and surrounded by love. But he is gone and I want him back.

My little shadow, my mummy's furry boy is gone. He would follow me everywhere when he was in. He'd sleep at the foot of my bed.

His brother is generally more "independent", he's out quite a lot, but they would spend time play fighting and occasionally grooming each other and chasing each other round the garden.

Last night he was fine. This morning however, he has squeaked a little, not quite a whimper. I got up with him and gave him some biscuits which he didn't eat at first.

He would go up to the cat flap and look out, not like he was wanting to go out, but like he was looking for something, then he would pad around the house into the places his brother would normally be.

He then had some biscuits and went outside (that's his normal routine).

I stayed with him while he was looking about, talking to him. He even let me stroke him a lot and pick him up and cuddle him (he usually let's you pet him a couple of times, max and he doesn't usually like being picked up).

How do I help him through this?

I feel like inside I am falling apart but I am staying strong for my son and being there for him (so is dh) but how do l also support my other little furry boy?

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 09/09/2023 06:15

It is a shock for you all, but it is just time. His brother will adapt. We had 2 brothers and actually after one was pts, the remaining one has been very happy and relaxed. I hope you all come to terms with it in time.

Doingmybest12 · 09/09/2023 06:16

And even happier again once the dog went too.

Allthosedays · 09/09/2023 06:27

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard when you lose a pet but especially when another sibling or companion is left behind. Allow yourself to grieve and feel sad at the loss of your boy. I think you are doing the best you can by being there for his brother and a source of company.
He will adjust to being by himself, they just do, but spending time together as you are doing just stroking and talking to him will help you both in this sad time.

Cowlover89 · 09/09/2023 06:27

So sorry for your loss. He will adapt. Just keep giving him love and cuddles x

KnottyAndPistey · 09/09/2023 06:32

It’s heartbreaking and I’m so sorry. They are our family.

We lost one of our bonded pair, 17 years old and never been apart. Brother and sister, and we lost the girl in June.

And he searched for her for days. Looking in her favourite spots etc, stopped eating, stopped purring. On top of our loss of Rose, this was heartbreaking.

We gave him lots of love, spent time with him, he was the more independent one too. I’d cook him chicken which after a couple of days he’d nibble on. But mostly it was time. I think it took about 6 weeks.

There is a lot of helpful info to be found if you search bonded pair.

A friend took her cat home after it had been pts to show its sibling. She said she laid it out, and the other cat understood. I wasn’t in any state to even think of this.

It’s terribly sad. I’d say keep everything very normal at home and just give the other cat time. It’ll be ok.

Greenberg2 · 09/09/2023 06:33

Our boy was depressed for quite a while after we lost his sister. Just very quiet and flat. He's a lot more affectionate now with us and hangs round us more than he did when she was around. I'd just keep making a fuss of him when he lets you.

MellowMadness · 09/09/2023 06:38

So sorry for your loss. I had 2 brothers and one was hit and killed when they were just under 2. I found him, already dead, by the side of the road, went looking when he hadn’t come home. He was also the one who was much more the lap / sleep on bed cat and his surviving brother more independent and out and about.
Remaining cat spent a lot of time over the next few months sitting in the spot his brother used to, I definitely felt he was watching for his brother to come home.
we gave him lots of attention and love, or at least as much as he would tolerate. Strangely he’s become much more home based since (it’s been a year) and spends less time outside than he did before. Maybe this is how he would have been anyway, I don’t know. He also tolerates us humans more and even sleeps on my bed sometimes.
I still miss his brother but it does get easier.
Give yourself time to grieve, you will be in shock still from the trauma. Be gentle with yourself. Sending hugs 🤗

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 09/09/2023 07:02

Ah I'm so sorry. We lost our girl in May.

We had two boys "left behind" but our oldest definitely grieved her. He still sleeps in the spot where she died and has become much more affectionate. I don't think the younger one really noticed 🙈

Anyway, as PP have said, just give it time. He'll be okay. We got another kitten about six weeks after and it did help.

ChocolateCandle · 09/09/2023 07:23

So sorry for you. When one of our boys was PTS we took him home for his "brother" to see. He didn't seem interested. Although the one left behind was more independent, he has flourished being an "only cat" at the age of 16. He's with us most of the time, "speaks" more and is more demonstrative.

We did this because in the past I had an almost identical experience to you. The vet said that my cat was depressed. He got over it with time and a new kitten - he was about the same age as yours. I know it's early days, but when you're ready, you might consider another cat. He won't replace the boy you've lost but will bring joy.

Cats respond differently and we can't really plan for these things. You're doing the right thing - lots of love and attention x

Toddlerteaplease · 09/09/2023 08:34

So very sorry do your loss. Could his brother see his body? He will understand then, and it might stop him looking for him.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/09/2023 08:35

I took both my cats when one was PTS. She sniffed her sister. And definitely understood.

justabigdisco · 09/09/2023 08:37

Sorry for your loss. I had 2 siblings - both female. One was a wanderer and the other much more of a house cat. The wanderer had to be PTS last year in similar circumstances. Her sister barely even noticed she was gone. And actually has been happier since - she’s started going out a lot more and seems to have come into her own.

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 09/09/2023 08:40

Ime our surviving dcat didn't adapt.. He mourned for 5 months solid. I caved and got a dkitten. He was so very much happier... Sorry for your loss op..

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 09/09/2023 08:41

Just a comment on the "let the cats see the body" - be prepared for them to get quite distressed.

Our girl died at home - the dog and the youngest cat sniffed her and seemed to "get it" but the older cat was really upset - he hissed and growled at her body and didn't settle until we took her out and buried her.

He was with her just before died but was absolutely traumatised by her body - it was quite upsetting to see.

User562377 · 09/09/2023 08:41

One of our cats is missing right now and her sister spends most of her time looking out the window and wandering round the garden boundary wall. I feel more sad for the remaining cat than for myself. I'd heard the advice about letting them see the dead cat but sadly we just have a missing cat for now.
I'm sorry about your cat op. I'm glad you were with him.

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 09/09/2023 08:44

Pic of original db's.
And with new dsis!.

My furry boy pts after being hit by a car. I am falling apart. How do I help his brother?
My furry boy pts after being hit by a car. I am falling apart. How do I help his brother?
Foggyfoggyfoggy · 09/09/2023 08:45

We also lost 1 ddog a few years ago and vet said pet grief is absolutely a real thing for the survivors.... Very sad. Adds more guilt on us ime.

Cece92 · 09/09/2023 08:46

I have no advice but this made me cry 😢 I'm so so sorry for your loss. Xxx

johnworf · 09/09/2023 08:57

I'm so sorry you've lost your much loved boy. I do believe that animals that have a bond genuinely grieve for their lost friend/sibling.

Our Ddog was run over in March and our other dog whined, pined, didn't eat, looked lost when he had gone. We ended up adopting another girl dog about 3 weeks later just to help her heal. They love each other so much now and of course, she helped us with our grief too.

Here are my two now 💐

My furry boy pts after being hit by a car. I am falling apart. How do I help his brother?
MonumentalLentil · 09/09/2023 13:09

I am so sorry. This is why I have house cats, but that won't help you now.

Regarding the 'let them see the body' posts, it depends on the cat. When we brought my boy home from the vet I left him on the floor where the others would see him.

My girl wasn't bothered, just glanced and wandered off to follow her usual routine. The boy, who had moved in with us wandered in, saw his friend, went and sniffed him all over and left, tail down, very slowly, ignoring his dinner. They had become friends over the years.

I know that some cats will grieve, but often get used to it, as we do, it is easier if they know their companion is gone but not always possible to show them.

Give it a while, you all need to get used to the loss, and see how it goes.

Original poster
Furrybaby · 10/09/2023 08:18

Thanks everyone.
I think tea time last night he started to work out something is wrong. He keeps walking round the house and was sniffing the places his brother usually is. He would lay down on the floor in the hall and look into the dining room (where his brother was usually found) and when I tried to pick him up he was just "flopping" not cooperating or resisting.
I'm just giving him lots of strokes and cuddles and reassurances but it's heartbreaking to watch.

OP posts:
Furrybaby · 10/09/2023 09:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MathsIsFab · 10/09/2023 10:33

Take care @LivinLaVidaLoki , it must be so hard, I can’t even imagine how it feels

At times I ve thought of putting a camera on my boy to check if he’s ok - we lost him couple of times and it was an awful two days

take care my dear x

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 10/09/2023 10:34

They do adjust, just give him time Flowers

MrsCatE · 16/09/2023 01:07

I'm so sorry and unfortunately, don't have any recommendations re how to comfort your other cat however, is it possible to car proof your garden? I hear of so many cats lost to RTA's; one of the most horrific was of a work van deliberately speeding up to hit and kill a cat. The police weren't interested despite a neighbour's witness statement. If it had been my cat, I would have taken it a lot further.

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