Kitten won't leave cat alone

[stressedkitten]

We have a resident 6 month old kitten who is very confident and playful. We recently adopted a new cat - it was said that she needed a confident companion to help her settle. We kept them apart, she's been in a bedroom and has settled really well and is very loving and relaxed. We did a gradual intro with the kitten and the first couple of face to face meetings went really well, however, the kitten now won't leave her alone when he sees her. Constant chasing and wrestling - no aggression from either side but she just isn't into it. She's given him a couple of swats but he won't seem to take that social cue! She humours him for a couple of minutes but after that, she runs away or hides under the bed and I take him away. I want to start letting her out to explore, but I have to lock him away and keep them separate. I'm finding it all very stressful and when he starts chasing and wrestling, I have to scramble under furniture etc to remove him and I'm pregnant and not as agile as usual!
I'm just wondering if it will get better between them? It's a definite mismatch of enegeryy but I don't want an upstairs cat and a downstairs cat - it's also really hard as I can't separate the upstairs and downstairs in my home due to stair layout. Id hate to have to re-home her because she's honestly so gorgeous and loving but, but after a month, its still not getting easier! I don't really want a cat living only in my spare room.
Both neutered!

What about a cat tree so the older cat can get up higher and feel more secure away from the kitten?

I've tried this but he just climbs up to get to her - he is honestly relentless! I've tried huge play sessions before they meet but it doesn't seem to put a dent in his energy. When he's alone, he's actually quite calm and happy playing with us - not sure I thought getting another was a good idea!

If they are fine then I’d just let them be together so it’s not a novelty for the younger cat. She will tell him if he’s being a pain, a slap or tap will soon sort him out. Do you let them outside?

Older cat will tell younger cat to bloody well stop arsing about, when they’ve had enough. Usually by pinning younger cat to the floor with a neck-grip, or grasping kitten against older cats belly and giving a couple of firm back-leg kicks to it, or by an almighty swipe across the face. It looks awful to us. Kitten will miaow pitifully then leg it or creep away.

Thank you all. I just worry as he is an Arabian Mau, and incredibly strong compared to her who is a small one year old. It just feels like we are subjecting her to torture by letting him have freedom to wrestle!
Thank you, I'll try letting them out for a little while.

Ah he's an Arabian Mau! You are right to be a bit wary as they are strong and athletic and can overwhelm and bully non Maus. If he's still a kitten then I agree with other PPs that you should try and let them work it out between them whilst he's still a baby.

Yes! I suppose I didn't realise how different a body they have to non maus - our last cat was huge but was just a fat boy so I didn't notice how small she was compared to him. He's still only 6 months so a ball of energy but so affectionate. He basically goes in, tries to eat her food and then jumps on her. Starts off licking her head and then starts biting and pinning her down. She's given him a few swipes but he overpowers her. Doesn't seem to scare him!

To add, I rescued him for a rescue in Dubai - they didn't say he was full mau, but he's muscular and long and doesn't look like a usual moggy. He also has a very different coat to other cats!

Yup muscular and long is a give away. Marvin weighs 6kg and it's all muscle. I have found AI to be really useful in situations like this for advice but it boils down to:

1. Separate feeding stations so he's not competing with her for food.
2. Try and prevent your Mau boy from cornering her
3. Give her lots of high places to escape to
4. Use baby gates to separate them if possible They may never get along but if you give her escape strategies they can coexist. Good luck!

This is Marvin! A big butch Mau boy 😸

Oh wow, he's gorgeous. Looks like my boy! They've got back feet like rabbits!
Thanks for your help!

I sympathise with you OP as I was in the exact situation except it was a mother and daughter combination.

It stared off with general annoyance from the older cat, then withdrawal, then to me needing to separate them but ultimately it led to lots of aggression and fights (from the older cat towards towards the younger cat) and it just became unmanageable.

After 2 months of trying to find a solution it was obvious things were spiralling so for the benefit of both cats we made the heartbreaking decision we rehomed the younger one. It was a very upsetting and stressful few months for us and the cats 😔

I don’t know what the answer is but I send my sympathies xx

Thank you @ScaredButUnavoidablein worried this is where we are going. Tried to let them be for a bit today but I am so fed up of playing cat referee. The kitten just patrols the perimeter of the bed so she can't leave - feel so bad for her. She's started to come downstairs but as soon as he sees her, he chases her back up! He's also started being aggressive to me when I'm trying to remove him. I feel so awful about it all!

I understand - the stress it caused was horrific.

I felt awful for the younger cat who was constantly getting hissed at, snarled at and attacked, but I also felt awful for the older cat because she was constantly being harassed. All she wanted was some peace and quiet and the younger cat just wouldn’t leave her alone. It got to the point where I couldn’t leave the house without shutting them in separate rooms because I was so scared the older car would do some serious damage to the younger cat when I wasn’t there to either keep them apart or break up their fights.

Life was not enjoyable for me, my family or the cats. We were all utterly miserable.

I had amazing support from the Cat Charity I’d had them from, and my Vet, and I worked with an animal behaviourist to try and implement strategies to improve the situation but the line had to be drawn somewhere.

Seeing both cats so unhappy was incredibly difficult as they both deserved better.

Rehoming the younger cat was so hard and we missed her terribly but the change we saw in our elder cat was instant and I know the other cat is also living a much happier life now too so it was ultimately the best decision for both of them.

Op haven't you heard of dcat tax ?

@Gardenisablooming sorry! Here they both are!

First one is the new, older cat, second is of the little asshole.

Oh they've reversed! Opposite to what I said! Yes we can't let them out for more than a couple of hours because he just stalks her and won't let her out of his sight!

Ohdear op, sorry this sounds so stressful. Especially when things are not sustainable but you’re naturally still holding onto that hope for it getting better in the future. The not knowing is the worst part.

Does the boy cat get to go in the garden at all?

@StiffAsAVicarim.really just hoping he'll just sniff and walk away one day soon haha. Hell be fast asleep but as soon as he sees her, hes off!
He doesn't yet - the rescue we got him from didn't want him to go out, but I have considered it. I'm just worried something will happen to him. He's really trusting of people and I'm certain he'd have 0 road sense! We've looked at cat proofing the garden, so will have to look into that a little more but it's so expensive.

They are both beautiful! Maus are normally rehomed on the understanding they are indoor cats but I have found it's not feasible to give them no outside access as they have so much energy to burn off. We have built Marvin a Catio so he can go outside safely and it's made a big difference to his behaviour. However what you are describing in the kitten sounds more to me like territorial aggression ( Maus are ludicrously territorial) than wanting to play. I would be worried that he just can't cope with her in "his" space. I'm not experienced enough to know how you deal with that but maybe Feliway plug ins would help calm him down?

@PuppyluckyI have never heard of the Mau breed of cat before but oh my Goodness, he’s beautiful!! He looks like something you see in the history books of the Ancient Egypts. So regal and important ❤️

And OP @stressedkitten- from your photo of your Mau Kitten (who is also beautiful) I see what you mean about them having back legs like rabbits 🤣

@Puppyluckyyes I think this will have to be our plan of action even if we don't keep the new cat. We can't really cat proof effectively because of the amount of trees in our garden that would act as launch pads over any barrier (unless we're talking max security prison type fencing).
He can be so nice and calm with us and is currently sat behind me by the window just watching the birds outside. I've crept up to the room while he sleeps and he can just sense that door being open! We've got one in every hallway and her room and the main living room but not really made a difference.
Will speak to the vet Monday and have a phone call with a behaviourist tomorrow so will see what they say.
Thanks so much for your input everyone, really appreciate it.

Thank you very much @ScaredButUnavoidable He is beautiful - not always very regal though ! Good luck @stressedkitten there are solutions out there!