Just after some advice and hopefully some cheery success stories of feline friendship after a rocky start.
We got our 4 yr old as a kitten and she settled in fine with our then 12 yr (very chilled) cat. When he died we decided to get a new kitten and ended up with two brothers. We have had them around 10 weeks now and they’re 5 months old.
We spent the first few weeks with them in one room, where she could hear and smell them. We also did scent swapping with blankets. We would then bring them into a room where she was, always holding onto them though and staying at the opposite side of the room. She would initially just leave but seemed to be getting slightly more tolerant and could stay for a while. We graduated to letting them roam for short periods and we’re hoping the three of them will come to an arrangement but if she sees them she yowls, immediately leaves the house and sits outside looking sad. (They don’t go outside yet.) I thought we’d had a breakthrough this week when she went out and came back in again twice while they were out and about but she seems to have regressed again.
She is usually quite confident and bossed our previous elderly cat around, so we were expecting her to put the kittens in their place straight away, but she seems scared of them, even though they are not at all aggressive and tend to keep their distance. She does take a while to get used to any changes eg new bowl and is quite set in her ways and routine.
We are currently managing it by letting the kittens out to play while she’s asleep - she wakes up and leaves in a huff, we leave it for a bit and then put them back for a nap or they go and spend time in DD’s room or DH’s study and we call the older one in again.
Are we managing this in a sensible way and does anyone have any advice? Is there a point when you have to give up or will it sort itself out eventually? We have Feliway plug ins, not sure if they’re helping though. She’s not particularly food motivated and certainly wouldn’t eat if there was a kitten in view. I’m worried that the little ones will be ready to go outside soon and she might just leave at that point, if even the garden isn’t safe. They don’t fight or anything, the kittens bimble about, she sees one and yowls until she can figure out a way to get past to the cat flap and the garden. On the odd occasion they have bumped into each other accidentally, she swipes at them but they never swipe back. It’s like they’re expecting her to take charge but she is too scared. They do go all over the house now and she seems fine with the scent of them around the place but just can’t stand the sight of them.
We have had many cats and have made several introductions over the years but have never had a situation like this. Any advice welcome! I am happy to continue like this for weeks or months but would like to feel that it will all be ok in the end!