Struggling with overwhelming grief

[Gastonimo]

My beautiful soul mate died yesterday. She was only 18 months old.

We have a camera on the catflap and I saw she'd gone out at 3am. She wasn't there in the morning and I was worried and put it out my mind getting on with parenting and work. At 11 I went out round the streets calling her name and a neighbour got in touch to say at 6.30am they'd seen a cat dead on the main road.
We hunted for hours for her. I knew in my heart it was her despite everyone saying it might not be. But she didn't come home. Later someone got in touch to say they'd taken her body thinking she was their cat only to find their cat at home later. All day I searched the hedgerows hoping she had crawled off to hide.
They brought her body round, she was stiff and there was some blood but she was still my girl. I took her to vet for cremation as couldn't bare the kids wanting to see her.

I am broken. I cannot eat, cannot sleep. Can barely breath. I loved her so much. She was the one thing in my life who always showed me love, no arguing like the kids, just contentment all the time. Always waiting for an opportunity to lie on me. All I had to do was look at her and she'd purr. We had such a special bond.

How do I go on? How will I feel happy again? How could someone knock her down and leave. What if we'd found her earlier? Why didn't I keep her in at night. Why was our time together so short? I want to hear the meow when she walked through the door looking for me, just one more time.

I don't know why I'm posting, I just need to let it out

I am so sorry for your loss ❤️ I have no doubt your girl knew just how special she was to you, and felt the same bond. Please don’t blame yourself, cats love to roam and it was a terribly unfortunate accident. How someone could leave the scene is beyond me though.

Oh bless you, everyone who has had a cat, dog or any other pet in their lives will understand how devastating this is for you, and you can’t beat yourself up about it, just remember her for the lovely cat she was and talk about her as often as you feel.
There are forums and opinions on here, and everywhere else, some people who don’t let their cats out for safety, and others who, with no thought towards the feelings of those who keep their cats in will say it’s cruel to keep a cat in.
There is no right or wrong approach, outdoor cats experience more life, indoor cats are more sheltered. How awful that someone hit your girl and left her. I will never understand how people can’t have empathy for other living beings.
Try to think instead of all the things you loved about her, it wasn’t your fault and she knew she was very loved 💐

How distressing for you, I'm so sorry. Cats are wonderful companions and it hurts so much when they have to leave us. I was told once that if a cat is hit, the spleen is often ruptured and passing is quick. Hopefully that gives you a little comfort. I'm so very sorry for your loss 💐

I'm so very, very sorry OP.

It can sound like a platitude, but you will feel better over time. I struggle with grief very much, but can look back at times I've felt as you do now and recognise that some kind of change does take place eventually. The loss remains, you care just as deeply, but you somehow adapt to accommodate it differently. I know hearing something like this when you feel as you do now can feel anything from useless to maddening, or even distressing, but I hope it perhaps makes a tiny difference at least to know others understand and are thinking of you.

The guilt, I'm starting to realise, may be a horribly inevitable part of bereavement. Of all things, I was listening to Harry Potter recently and realised how astute Rowling was in describing reactions to Sirius' death: almost every character he was close to obsessively asks themselves what if. I guess that, because there's no perfect, "right" way of behaving in a relationship, you'll always look for and find things you wish you'd done differently, and these are magnified a hundredfold on losing someone or a pet.

But letting a cat out to roam? While I recognise things are different in eg. Australia and certain other limited contexts, as long as there's no actual law against it and the environment's one they can thrive in, I honestly think it's only right to let them out. It's what they were born to do - what they are. And there are risks that come with that. I know, from how we lost one of ours. And you never quite accept it happened, or stop wishing they'd not been out that night. And yet you equally recognise it wasn't in their - or your - nature to keep them in. There was nothing you could have done.

Thinking of you and your girl.

Thank you. It really helps to be able to write down the things that I just can't speak out loud. I appreciate everyone's kindness x

So sorry, OP. It’s just coming up to two years since we lost our lovely girl (very different situation, she had cancer and we had her pts) and I completely get it. It’s an overwhelming grief. The start of the Easter holidays coincides with her going in for the scans and awful news and I am feeling really sad today.

I can now look back and know she had the absolute best life with us, even though it was cut short - she was ten - and that she was so, so loved. I’m sure your cat was the exact same.

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your lovely cat. Sending you all sympathy, it’s so hard, isn’t it. Thinking of you, OP 💐

I'm so truly sorry op. I know how it feels and it's devastating

The Blue Cross is incredibly supportive too. They have a Facebook page and people support each other but you can also phone a trained volunteer or go on live chat. You're not alone.

I’m so, so sorry xxxx