Feeling so guilty

[66babe]

Always had rescue cats , 5 in total in last 24 years , always loved , never any problems. Tried cattery once when I went on holiday , cat hated it so have always had neighbour come in twice a day .. max 5 days , never been an issue . Latest darling lovely boy rescued last August , just left him for 3 nights for a work trip and I’m devastated that he has … not eaten a thing , so dejected , wouldn’t play or fuss with my friend , sat crying on the window ledge and now I’m back he looks terrible , eyes sunken in , not obvious weight loss but definitely not himself
I’m back now , he’s eating again , very loving , clingy but I feel so terrible and can never ever leave him again , which means no work trips , no holidays etc
Hoping he will forgive me , will def not leave him alone overnight ever again , so sad to hear how he was , he loves my neighbour and often sits at her door for a fuss but she said he just lay on the floor . Tax paid below of my darling diva boy.

Oh @66babe the guilt is terrible, but you weren't to know, and your expectation that he would be fine with your neighbour was perfectly reasonable.
Maybe work trips are out, but any chance he could come on holiday with you? ( haven't worked out the logistics but just putting the thought out there).
I hope both of you having a good snuggle makes both of you feel better 💐😻💐

We are def having lots of snuggles , mmmm not sure how I could keep him safe taking him on holiday , he loves to go outside and we are very rural so he’s not used to traffic or roads , he’d maybe get lost ? He’s not the brightest , but don’t tell him I said that .

Oh poor boy and poor you. You weren’t to know and he must be so happy to have you home now.

Years ago we used to take our then cats on holiday to Cornwall. Any cottage that was prepared to take dogs was generally fine with taking two cats. Someone always had to stay in the car with them for loo break stops, and the litter box took up a lot of space in the car but otherwise it really wasn’t a problem. They were indoor cats until they were seven, though so they didn’t mind being in a cottage for a week.

Mmmmm that’s def worth thinking about .. he’s not an indoor cat though , I’d be happy holidaying in this country and he does like the car , loves the vet too lol weirdo

Would he countenance a harness so you could take him for walks when away?

Another random thought: could you face time* him when you are away?

• Or whatever these things are called: I am not techie!

We’ve taken cats on holiday before (we were actually in the middle of house move and needed a couple of weeks of accommodation). They were outdoor cats. We just kept them inside

Poor thing.

Similar happened when I first left my current cat. Never going away was not an option as I have two dc to consider and she did get over it. I did the opposite approach and booked a couple of overnight stays over the following months and she really got used to the cat sitter and the process pretty quickly. After the first few years she even stopped sulking on our return. We've had her 12 years (both cat and sitter!) and it all worked out fine in the end.

Thanks all , yes that’s what my neighbour said - maybe do 1 night a couple of times , he may get used to it and be ok
Dont think a harness would work as I can’t even keep a collar on him , did try to protect the local wildlife 😩

It might be that now you’ve been away he’ll cope better next time? It would be a shame if you felt you couldn’t ever go away again and what if you have to for work?
Maybe he could spend more time with the person who was sitting for you so he’s more used to their company?

Take him with you! My in laws have a motor home and they meet loads of cats on holiday!
I doubt I’d be able to harness train my paws now as she’s 2.5yrs old & is an outdoor cat at home, cos I’d love to be able to take her with me but I’d be too frightened of losing her

My car goes with me to stay with my parents. But their house is pretty escape proof. I wouldn’t risk taking her anywhere else though.

Ok so this is where I draw the line. A cat is a cat. I’ve had several in my lifetime, as well as dogs and never had this issue. Both would generally go to kennels unless a friend stayed, when my dogs got older I used Trustedhousesitters.com. I’m now going away for two weeks and was let down the first week so a lad down the road in popping in a couple times a day (cats only now) and the last week a friend is staying. I’m not in the least bit worried, and if they pine for me (which I doubt as they go outside and are fairly independent) tough. But that’s me - I’m not sentimental about pets. I give them the best life while they are with me but I’m not going to have my life dictated to by them.

He's manipulating you. He probably feasted on birds and mice while you were away but is making you think you neglected him.

He's a fine looking feline.

He's beautiful OP 😍

I would do the one night thing, lengthen it to 2 nights, etc until he can cope with at least five nights. You need to do this for his sake in case you ever have to be in hospital.

He probably did ! He’s an active boy … 😩
He definitely did not cope with me being away , he’s very used to my neighbour but didn’t move much , play or eat when she was in , he’s happy now so we all good
I’ll have to reconsider holiday situation as no I do not want to be dictated to by a cat , work is not compulsory , it’s a twice yearly get together as we are all remote.
Thanks all

Of course he coped. They are very intelligent and know exactly what they are doing.

DOldCat would get annoyed if I got out the weekend bag. When I was leaving the house, he'd stand between me and the door. He would also be waiting for me when I got home. I reckon he'd hear my car and jump on the wall and put his 'latchkey kitten' face on.

Oh god, don’t take him on holiday with you! My grandad used to take his cat on holiday, he’d tell everyone the cat was happy but he was clearly unhappy and anxious. Cats are all about their territory and going on holiday doesn’t really fit with that.

I agree that you could try building up, start with a night away and increase over time. I have fostered lots of cats, have out own and work with rescues and that is what we would recommend. You could also speak to the vet about something for anxiety for him.

I know you said your other cats didn’t like a Cattery but maybe this one would? We use a cat hotel it’s gorgeous, each room has a catio and a beautifully furnished room, no access to other cats and a big space with people popping in every hour or so, sounds like your cat was very lonely.

You can take cats to any of the ‘forest holiday’ brand places.