Cats and divorce

[CatsDogKids]

Wise Mumsnet cat owners... STBXH is moving out soon. We have two cats, two DC, and a young dog.

Girl cat adores STBXH, her favoured sleeping spot is his face. She does not like the children, hates the dog, and just about tolerates me.

Boy cat is pretty fond of me and often goes to sleep with the children, and will increasingly let them stroke him when they're awake and getting older and less unpredictable. He is not the biggest fan of the dog but will go past the dog's crate (where he sleeps overnight) to get outside.

Girl cat is quite territorial towards boy cat, won't let him come near STBXH's bed when she's in it etc. They don't (in our sight, anyway) groom each other or cuddle with each other. Boy cat was at the vets for a day (urinary tract blockage) and girl cat did seem quite pleased when he was back and they had a little nose rub to say hello etc (frankly the most affectionate I've seen them for some time!).

I'm not sure what to do with the separation. The initial plan has been for both cats to go with him and dog (and kids, 95% of the time) to stay with me, but now I'm having second thoughts. Boy cat obviously struggles with stress hence his urinary issues but it's hard to know what would be "more" stressful for him - staying in a house with kids and dog (but no other cat snarling at him for trying to get on a bed!), or moving house but then living in a nice quiet house with a bachelor and his sister. Obviously if we separated the cats they'd miss each other but I also think boy cat gets most of his affection / social contact from me and the kids.

Any words of advice?

Personally I’d send the cats together. It sounds like they do have a bond.

I think I would let the cats go together and if it doesn't work have the boy back. The kids will still see the cats when at dad's.

If it wouldn't upset the kids too much, I'd send ExH with all the animals.

You are about to have so much on your plate and a dog is a lot of work. If this work has historically been shared between the two of you, I think you'll really feel it when you're doing it alone. Especially if you're having the kids 95% of the time. Set yourself up for as easy a workload as possible; that wouldn't include a dog for me.

We have two teens, two cats and a dog. My husband works away for several weeks at a time and the dog, whilst I love her, is the biggest burden I have. She takes hours of my physical time as well as hours of my mental time every week planning my workload and errands to ensure she is properly cared for (as I should, but it is a burden). And that's with two teens to help with walks and feedings.

I've told my husband that if he ever leaves, he best take the dog with him!

I would send the cats together and see how they get on. They will be in a different environment and they may tolerate each other better. If it doesn't work out you can always change things.

I do take your point! Part of the context for the divorce is that most things have been mostly my responsibility anyway 🥴 so in some ways keeping the dog won't be that huge a change. DDog is also very much bonded to me over STBXH and adores the children. I'm aware of how much work he will be but by the same token one of the things I am so anticipating once I am the only adult in the house is cuddling the dog on the sofa whilst watching naff films. STBXH has agreed he will help with walking dog and will do "doggy daycare" when otherwise dog would prevent kids doing things (e.g. long trips out to non dog friendly places).

DD would be utterly heartbroken for DDog to go, too.

Thanks all for the steer on the cats, giving it a try and seeing how they go is probably for the best.