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Bereavement. TW cat illness

31 replies

ObelixtheGaul · 14/11/2025 10:51

It's been over a month since our best furry friend was put to sleep. I'd just like to share with people who will understand.

We got him from a rescue centre when he was 3 years old, and oh, he was a state. Covered in bald spots from the flea and tick infestations he'd had when he was found wandering the streets. His little leg all naked from the nasty infection he'd had. We fell in love.

Back home, he took some work to get him out from under the chair where he hid for the first three days, coming out to use the tray and eat.

Once we built his trust, he showed himself to be a real lap-lover. He would go from me to my husband and back, lie in my arms on his back like a baby. He ate like there was no guarantee of food tomorrow, because for him, there hadn't been.

Over time his fur grew back and his character grew with it. Soon, he was Lord of all he surveyed, but still up for a cuddle - on his terms, naturally. Menopausal hot flushes were endured with a hot lump of fur on my knee.

At the end, he had an incurable cancer. We opted not to put him through chemo as he'd have only gained maybe another six months from it and the vet said he'd have to go to a town and hour's journey away for treatment. He loathed being in his basket. At 15, we couldn't put him through it since it wouldn't be a cure, though I have agonised about that decision.

With painkillers, he was just as he'd always been, lively, still loving laps, still charging up the stairs and leaping on the bed. We vowed we wouldn't let him suffer, but resolved to give him the best life he could have for whatever time he had left. We didn't ask how long that might be.

He had his favourite treat (tuna) every day, sprinkled on his normal food. We let him sit in state on a cushion on the dining room table.

Then he went downhill. When he wouldn't come thundering down the stairs at the sound of a tuna tin opening, we knew his time was running out. Though the tumour on his face wasn't noticeably bigger, he started sneezing blood.

We took him to the vets on last time. The night before, I know he knew. He was on my knee for a good hour, then moved to the arm of the settee by my husband. He didn't leave us, normally he'd disappear off upstairs.

I know we did the right thing, but I am still haunted by the memory of him at the vets, and how I wanted to pick him up, take him home, say it was a mistake.

I miss him every day. His ashes are buried in his favourite corner of the garden. His food bowls are still in the kitchen, on his little mat, with tea lights in because we couldn't bear to see them empty.

He was so loved. I hope he knew. He brought us so much happiness, even though he could be a right royal PITA.

OP posts:
Catsinaflat · 14/11/2025 12:27

After a miserable start to his life he certainly ended his life cherished and loved and I’m sure he knew that.
It’s just awful going with them to the vet for the last time but absolutely the kindest thing to do.
We lost our rescue girl this year completely unexpectedly. We had to make a very quick decision on whether we should let our vet transport her to a specialist hospital miles away ( unsure whether she would actually survive the journey) or say goodbye. Like you I am still haunted by our decision even though I know it was right - at least she was held by us as she died as was your boy 🩵
They are so small yet such a huge part of our lives.

AnotherCrazyCatLady · 14/11/2025 12:30

Acknowledging your pain and the life of your wonderful dcat. 💐

The regret at your decision is sadly one of the manifestations of grief. You did the right thing - many cats are simply not equipped with the personalities to tolerate significant veterinary interventions, and it is best to surround them with love, warmth and the medical treatment they can tolerate. Sadly, this may not make you feel any better right now, but it is the truth.

ObelixtheGaul · 14/11/2025 12:41

I keep seeing him on the table at the vets in my mind. So good, he always was, calmly accepting the cannula as we watched in floods of tears.

We've been through this before with our previous Dcat, but it doesn't get any easier. I just don't want to think we let him down. That we didn't do enough.

OP posts:
Judystilldreamsofhorses · 14/11/2025 12:50

So sorry, OP. We have a very similar story. We adopted our lovely girl at three, although she had never been a stray and came directly from a family where she was being stressed out by young children. She was my best wee chum, and when at age ten last year she was diagnosed with intestinal cancer we also opted not to do chemo. Like you, we would have had to haul her to a vet an hour away and she hated being in the carrier and the car, and even with chemo the prognosis was just a little extra time rather than a cure.

She was my biggest love, and my biggest heartbreak, but I am proud that we did the hard, brave thing for her, and took the pain so she didn't have to suffer in any way. You did the same.

Things that helped me - I contacted the Blue Cross who run a pet bereavement service. I had a tattoo done of her paw print (I got the vet to take these on her final appointment) so she's always with me. We got photos printed/framed so she's still in almost every room with us. We have her ashes in a nice urn on the hearth with one of the framed prints beside it. Slightly more extreme, but we adopted a little orange boy who had been a stray kitten shortly afterwards - he's a very different cat and was a bit of a project initially, but now is a lovely, funny, cuddly wee lad and we love him so much. He will never replace our girl, but he rescued me when I was absolutely heartbroken. I am sure she sent him for me with his little white bib and his dancing.

ObelixtheGaul · 14/11/2025 12:58

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 14/11/2025 12:50

So sorry, OP. We have a very similar story. We adopted our lovely girl at three, although she had never been a stray and came directly from a family where she was being stressed out by young children. She was my best wee chum, and when at age ten last year she was diagnosed with intestinal cancer we also opted not to do chemo. Like you, we would have had to haul her to a vet an hour away and she hated being in the carrier and the car, and even with chemo the prognosis was just a little extra time rather than a cure.

She was my biggest love, and my biggest heartbreak, but I am proud that we did the hard, brave thing for her, and took the pain so she didn't have to suffer in any way. You did the same.

Things that helped me - I contacted the Blue Cross who run a pet bereavement service. I had a tattoo done of her paw print (I got the vet to take these on her final appointment) so she's always with me. We got photos printed/framed so she's still in almost every room with us. We have her ashes in a nice urn on the hearth with one of the framed prints beside it. Slightly more extreme, but we adopted a little orange boy who had been a stray kitten shortly afterwards - he's a very different cat and was a bit of a project initially, but now is a lovely, funny, cuddly wee lad and we love him so much. He will never replace our girl, but he rescued me when I was absolutely heartbroken. I am sure she sent him for me with his little white bib and his dancing.

We've been working on his favourite spot in the top corner of the garden. He has a memorial silhouette with his name on, and we made a wooden sign naming the area after him. His little patch where he slept.

Like you, we have a framed photo in the lounge next to the one of our previous girl. We've got a bauble with his name on to go on the tree along with hers.

It's getting colder now. My knees miss their winter warmer.

OP posts:
GreyPearlSatin · 14/11/2025 13:10

I know we did the right thing, but I am still haunted by the memory of him at the vets, and how I wanted to pick him up, take him home, say it was a mistake.

I felt that. I had to have my rescue put down 2 years ago. Even though she was clearly suffering at that point and the vet confirmed this, I still felt like telling the vet to wake her up after the first injection, that it wasn't necessary, that I would find a way to make her recover, that it was all a mistake.

But ultimately, I knew it was the right thing to and that there was no hope of recovery.

It's just so hard. A still have a few tears just posting this. But, yeah, you don't just get over it in a month, although the pain does fade slowly and over time. The first few days after, were the hardest.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 14/11/2025 13:59

ObelixtheGaul · 14/11/2025 12:58

We've been working on his favourite spot in the top corner of the garden. He has a memorial silhouette with his name on, and we made a wooden sign naming the area after him. His little patch where he slept.

Like you, we have a framed photo in the lounge next to the one of our previous girl. We've got a bauble with his name on to go on the tree along with hers.

It's getting colder now. My knees miss their winter warmer.

We have a lilac tree in the garden and our girl used to lie underneath it on sunny days. She was pure white, and seeing her chase the blossom when it dropped was my absolute favourite, it was like something out of a painting. This year having the tree begin to bloom without her felt unbearable, but I am so glad we had the joy of seeing her there for all the years we did. <3

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 14/11/2025 17:04

So sorry op. Tears running down my face reading this as I'm likely to be there soon with my beloved elderly dog.

You did absolutely the best thing for him. Don't ever doubt it.

Allergictoironing · 14/11/2025 17:56

It hurts so much, doesn't it? Had to put my beloved Boycat to sleep after he went from physically perfect to an unhappy skinny cat in a very few months with CKD - he was only about 7. He was my soul cat. But I knew he wasn't happy in himself, and when he started looking at me in a way that seemed to say "mum help me" I knew it was time.

Yes we could maybe have tried a few other methods to keep him going a bit longer like sub cutaneous fluids etc, but he was another who was very unhappy at being outside his home and got confused easily at the best of times. I just made sure that he had the most indulged 2 weeks of his short life on the run up then let him go in peace.

They don't think like humans do, he wouldn't have known he was being PTS so he went comfortably and being stroked. A timely death is the best gift we can give our beloved pats.

ObelixtheGaul · 14/11/2025 19:05

Thanks all for the kind words. I needed this chat with people who'd understand. Deep cleaning today, still finding his fur (he was long haired) 😥

OP posts:
ObelixtheGaul · 14/11/2025 19:07

Allergictoironing · 14/11/2025 17:56

It hurts so much, doesn't it? Had to put my beloved Boycat to sleep after he went from physically perfect to an unhappy skinny cat in a very few months with CKD - he was only about 7. He was my soul cat. But I knew he wasn't happy in himself, and when he started looking at me in a way that seemed to say "mum help me" I knew it was time.

Yes we could maybe have tried a few other methods to keep him going a bit longer like sub cutaneous fluids etc, but he was another who was very unhappy at being outside his home and got confused easily at the best of times. I just made sure that he had the most indulged 2 weeks of his short life on the run up then let him go in peace.

They don't think like humans do, he wouldn't have known he was being PTS so he went comfortably and being stroked. A timely death is the best gift we can give our beloved pats.

I'm so sorry, that's young to lose him.

OP posts:
Gentlydoesit2 · 14/11/2025 19:27

Bless your heart 😢 sending so much love. You did the right thing. I know how hard it is xx

Lostuser · 14/11/2025 19:32

Sending healing thoughts to you OP, as a fellow cat owner, your post touched my heart. Your boy had a long and happy life you served him well.
“sit in state” made me smile, I can imagine him sitting there like royalty 😀 (as they do)

ObelixtheGaul · 15/11/2025 07:33

Lostuser · 14/11/2025 19:32

Sending healing thoughts to you OP, as a fellow cat owner, your post touched my heart. Your boy had a long and happy life you served him well.
“sit in state” made me smile, I can imagine him sitting there like royalty 😀 (as they do)

Edited

Here he is, sitting in state on his Lordship's cushion

Bereavement.  TW cat illness
OP posts:
CatChant · 15/11/2025 08:09

It shines through your post how much you loved him. That never changed and at the end of his life you were still putting him first.

You did the right thing. You let him go before his life could become a burden to him. And before that you gave a neglected stray all the love, comfort and security he could never have dreamed of in those harsh days on the streets. You transformed his world.

The decision to let them go is so hard. When my adored once in a lifetime cat was put to sleep I was haunted for weeks afterwards by the thought that I had accepted the vet’s opinion. That I hadn’t questioned it, hadn’t fought for her.

But the truth was that she had reached the end of the road and there was no kinder thing I could do for her than to let her go. As time went on I accepted that and, although I still miss her, the memory of her is a joy to me, and I am thankful I could give her an escape from suffering.

Grief is the price we pay for love. Be kind to yourself.

Ruggerlass · 15/11/2025 19:51

I am so sorry for your loss. Even though we know it’s the final act of kindness we can do it doesn’t make it any easier. Take heart that you gave him a loving home and a great life. I’ve been there with my last cat. He was a rescue cat so unsure of his age but was probably between 8 & 10. He had kidney disease and we made the decision to go for quality over quantity. We had him privately cremated and his ashes are buried under his favourite spot in the garden. We printed off and framed our favourite picture of him. About 8 weeks after I was browsing a rescue site and spotted a lovely 6 month kitten that I just had to have. It may sound strange but I believe he was sent to us by my previous cat who was rescued from the same shelter.

Puppylucky · 16/11/2025 17:59

We lost our beautiful Elton earlier this year, at just over 3 years old. He had CKD and declined very quickly at the end. He was always a kind cat, if that makes sense, and his last gift to us was to make it completely clear that he was tired and wanted to go. It meant that we never doubted for a second that we were doing the right thing for him, but it was still so painful. I also phoned the Blue Cross bereavement line who were great, and we have various photos and paw prints. However, like Judy what helped the most was welcoming a new boy into our lives. He's a tabby Mau cat and Elton's double , but strong, healthy and full of energy. It feels like we (and Elton) are getting a do -over and enjoying each other the way it was meant to be.

ObelixtheGaul · 17/11/2025 08:05

Puppylucky · 16/11/2025 17:59

We lost our beautiful Elton earlier this year, at just over 3 years old. He had CKD and declined very quickly at the end. He was always a kind cat, if that makes sense, and his last gift to us was to make it completely clear that he was tired and wanted to go. It meant that we never doubted for a second that we were doing the right thing for him, but it was still so painful. I also phoned the Blue Cross bereavement line who were great, and we have various photos and paw prints. However, like Judy what helped the most was welcoming a new boy into our lives. He's a tabby Mau cat and Elton's double , but strong, healthy and full of energy. It feels like we (and Elton) are getting a do -over and enjoying each other the way it was meant to be.

Edited

I think that a little part of the sadness is I don't think we'll have another.

OP posts:
CatChant · 17/11/2025 14:45

ObelixtheGaul · 17/11/2025 08:05

I think that a little part of the sadness is I don't think we'll have another.

Why not @ObelixtheGaul if may I ask?

My home would feel very empty without a cat. But I have to accept at some point I will need to consider the correlation between my probable life span and a cat’s. I think I have, sadly, taken in my last kittens. But there is still time for me to home older cats and, I think, to foster. I hope to have a cat for as long as I am able to look after one.

After that, well, I have reared two more cat worshippers to care for them when I am gone. And I am as sure as I can be of anything that they would do so.

thefuriousferret · 17/11/2025 15:04

I lost my cat just over a year ago to intestinal lymphoma. I was a wreck for weeks.
hugs to you OP x

ObelixtheGaul · 17/11/2025 18:32

CatChant · 17/11/2025 14:45

Why not @ObelixtheGaul if may I ask?

My home would feel very empty without a cat. But I have to accept at some point I will need to consider the correlation between my probable life span and a cat’s. I think I have, sadly, taken in my last kittens. But there is still time for me to home older cats and, I think, to foster. I hope to have a cat for as long as I am able to look after one.

After that, well, I have reared two more cat worshippers to care for them when I am gone. And I am as sure as I can be of anything that they would do so.

A family member's allergy has become too severe for them to visit, even for a short time, with a cat in the house.

OP posts:
CatChant · 17/11/2025 20:18

ObelixtheGaul · 17/11/2025 18:32

A family member's allergy has become too severe for them to visit, even for a short time, with a cat in the house.

@ObelixtheGaul Oh dear, that’s very unfortunate. How did they manage with your lovely boy?

Chinsupmeloves · 17/11/2025 20:27

Wow, he lived to 15 with the best life with you. Of course you did the right thin. For him to suffer with chemo for the chance of another few months wasn't a humane option. It's heartbreaking going through this with our beloved pets, have had to do it several times. You beat yourself up, question, but you will understand you absolutely did your best for him. Xxx

Puppylucky · 17/11/2025 20:30

Ah that's so sad @ObelixtheGaul I really am sorry

ObelixtheGaul · 17/11/2025 20:34

CatChant · 17/11/2025 20:18

@ObelixtheGaul Oh dear, that’s very unfortunate. How did they manage with your lovely boy?

Outside only.

OP posts: