Cat been spooked/hurt by something-how to rebuild trust.

[GiddyDog]

Looking for some advice.
Long story for full background.

My older cat is 6, he's always been very laid-back if a little aloof. He'd mostly sleep at home, would let us pet him on his terms but not particularly a lap cat and would often go out.
We recently got a new kitten which obviously is a big change for him. We introduced them slowly with scent swapping etc and although not keen and not really interacting with her he was much his usual self and was going out but still coming home every day.

After a couple of weeks he disappeared, we know he visits a few houses locally but don't know where. I posted on SM and knocked doors etc. He's now reappeared thank goodness 2 weeks later. He's packed on a lot of weight so obviously has been being kept in someone's home and being (over) fed.

The big issue is he seems completely spooked and unlike himself.
He's scratched my husband and bitten my son (didn't break the skin), he's hiding under our bed and only coming out to eat if we leave food nearby, he's fearful if we make sudden movements and isn't crying to get back out which is very unusual as he's been home 2 full days now and is normally a daily wanderer.

We are very glad to have him back but also very worried that there's something else that's upset him or he's come to some harm while he's been away.

He's been to the vet yesterday who didn't find any physical injury just noted the weight gain (0.5kg since he had his vaccine boosters a month ago).

At the moment we are-
Keeping him and the kitten completely separated. Giving him the bedroom as a safe space where she isn't allowed at all and shutting her in another room on the rare moments he chooses to roam.
Offering gentle affection when he comes out but not approaching or invading his space.
Using feliway diffusers.
Got an airtag and a please do not feed me collar for if/when he does decide he wants out again.
I would really rather keep him home for the foreseeable but he's been an outdoor cat his whole life so I don't know that that's practical if he wants to go back out.

Can any experienced cat owners give me any advice/insight into how we can help him settle back in?

I would want to do a pain trial to rule out injury.

@tumblingdowntherabbithole yes I agree, I'm going to take him back to the vet. She didn't seem concerned that there was any physical injury and he let her handle him fine. He also does seem to be moving normally when he comes out. My instinct is it's fear rather than pain but we need to be fully sure.

Assuming you've already tried one of the pheromone diffusers like Feliway, Zylkene may help him settle a bit better. Comes as a powder in capsules which you break and mix the contents in their food - mine actually like the taste!

Otherwise seems like you're doing everything right, letting him take his own time . I find bribery works well, but that's not easy when they need to lose a bit of weight.

@Allergictoironing yes we've got the pheromone diffusers, I will look into getting Zylkene thank you. Willing to try anything to get him feeling safe and happy again 😔

Poor lad, sounds like you're trying a lot of good things - I've got anxious cats so know the feeling of wishing you could reassure them and understand what the issue is. One of mine goes through phases of being afraid of particular areas of the house, like for months he'll avoid upstairs, or he'll go downstairs but doesn't like being on the floor level only on furniture like the floor is lava! Then suddenly it switches and he favours sleeping upstairs again or is fine on the ground.

Other things I might suggest are - does he react to catnip, valerian, silvervine? I find trying to distract with a catnip toy can help redirect the anxiety or probably anxiety related being a bully to my other cats. If they react to it then catnip and other cat chilling drugs will either bliss them out for a bit or direct to playing with/licking etc the toy. And just general playing - when I see people trying to help feral kittens and cats adjust to people, playing with them with stick/wand toys seems to help. They're at arms length from you, so safe if they want distance, but again the hunting instinct kicks in and they're distracted from their worries and engaged in enriching cat behaviour.

@givemushypeasachance thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. He's never been much one for catnip but I haven't tried Valerian or silvervine so that's worth a try.

He's not particularly people focused but he's never been anxious or timid so there's definitely something amiss this is completely new behaviour. I just want to give him a big cuddle but that would definitely not be welcomed right now 🥺

DH says he wouldn't even come out from under the bed to eat this morning till he knew DH had left the room. He did come out and wander around a little through the night when we were in bed, used the litter tray and had some dry food and water that I'd left out but as soon as one of us moved he shot straight back in.

Even if there is no sign of physical injury it may be worth asking the vet for some metacalm and give him that for a few days just in case.

He has emerged! He's roaming the house and allowing us to pet him. Did have a hiss at the kitten when she came into the same room so we've kept them separated for now.

That’s good news.

I wonder if he was kept in against his will wherever he was, even if they fed him well, and that has him spooked. My main childhood cat once disappeared for a couple of weeks, and when he reappeared was very very unhappy to be in a room if the door was shut. He always for the rest of his long life wanted doors to be open.

@tesseractor it's a possibility. He seems more scared of DH and is ok with me so I suspect a man may have frightened him somehow.
I've always known he visits our elderly neighbours but they don't keep him in overnight and will tell me when he's been to see them they're very fond of him. This has definitely been something else. I can't understand the mentality of anyone who would keep what is very obviously someone's cared for pet away, you wouldn't mistake him for a stray in any way 😔
My kids have been distraught missing him and now he's come back they're just as worried because of how he's been acting.

Popping back to this thread.
He's been home 3 weeks now and aside from not wanting to go out which is a huge change he's back to himself. He's allowing us to handle and pet him, has lost some weight and has even adjusted to the kitten. They're not exactly cuddling up but they can happily be in the same room without conflict. He's been back to the vet today for another check up and they're happy with him. So it looks like we have 2 house cats for now, DH thinks we should let him out if he starts showing an interest again as he's always been an outdoor boy but I'm a bit nervous to do that!

What a handsome boy! Glad he's at least partly back to himself

@Puppylucky he is the handsomest big lad in my humble and biased opinion 😂 my sister always says he has the most human facial expressions she's ever seen on a cat lol