Are we doing anything wrong?

[MyLostUsername]

We've adopted a 3 year old male two weeks ago today.
We kept him in a safe room (our living-room) for about 4-5 days and then let him explore the rest of the house. We still brought him back to his room at night for a few more days.

We were told he was shy but he seemed to be doing great at first. He would come and great us, asking for headstrokes and playing chase etc. He slept with my son once, and sat once (!) on my lap too. He is not very vocal but he would do these cute chirrups.

But that was it. I feel we've gone backwards since. He is now spending all day under our double bed and hardly comes out. Even quiet noises scare him, and he seems to be on edge almost all the time, avoiding contact with us :-(
He is not very interested in food so cannot bribe him either.

I have bought one of those feliway plugs as suggested by the adoption people.
Is there anything else we could do? Is this normal? Our previous cat was fully 'at home' in 2 days.

Thank you

He’s just frightened. Our boy was just past one and had been a stray kitten who was living in a lady’s shed with his brother - she eventually took them in when the weather got bad, then handed them over to CP. He was in foster care with them, then to us, so had obviously had a lot of upheaval.

Night one he was friendly and exploring, played with toys, happy as Larry. Next day he was a hissing demon who hid behind the TV or up on a high bookcase - he ate and toileted “in secret” overnight for the next few days. It took him a few weeks to settle, and a few months to feel like “our cat”. Likewise when we started letting him out he was mad for it for about two days, then really cautious, just sitting by the back door but not really going anywhere for a good month. He’s two and a half now and an absolute petted lump who flumps down on his back with a dramatic “ooft” if he wants his tummy rubbed!

We were similar in that our previous cat (who we adopted direct from a family whose little kids were stressing her out) settled in a couple of days. I have WA messages with the CP lady from the start where I was panicking about having done something wrong with this boy but she reminded me of the three/three/three rule.

Show us your cat, pls.

Thank you @Judystilldreamsofhorses that's reassuring

Yes, they keep telling me about the 3/3/3 rule, but it was what I percieved as a regression which worried me. I will try to be more patient!

He too has climbed every single wardrobe and tall bookcase, and even tried to jump from an open fanlight window😰

I kept him in the safe room overnight last night and stayed there with him. He slept by my feet briefly and today seems to be a bit calmer. But still under the bed...

PS - haven't got any photos on the computer yet, will be back later, promise!

I have an anxious rescue which we have had for a year now. I've moved house and the first day she was in one room, the next day she wanted out so we let her explore but we followed her and gave her lots of praise, then we locked away half the house so she has free reign over four rooms only. This stops her from being overwhelmed with new things and smells. If you are overwhelmed you shut down, if you shut down your survival instincts kick in and you hide in fear.

Close down most of the house.

Sit in same room and read a book out loud, or go on phone and chat about what you see. This way kitty gets used to you, your voice, your smell, your calmness.

Find THE treat. A friends cat likes dreamies etc but THE treat was a
Co-op stick treat.

Edit - there are two Feliways so make sure you have the right one. We bought the wrong one and couldn't understand the hype. Then we bought the right one and oooohhhh! 😂

Thanks @Pixiedust1234

Yes, I have closed most rooms now!

Oh no, I did not realise there were two types of Feliways.... should I assume that the 'classic' did not work for you, but the 'optimum' did?

Honestly I can't remember but possibly.

I think the classic stops the spraying and scratching more rather than the feeling insecure and not being confident if I recall correctly. Since mine didn't do any of the territorial stuff to mark "her" home it didn't de-stress her as much as the other one did. Just to throw into the mix one of her vets used to spray her consulting room with Pet Remedy which also worked surprisingly well.