Hi all
So Kiki's storey has come to a end and I feel empty and sad but expected it.
I spoke to the vet this afternoon and told him the change in breathing this morning and all day it was very fast but she was still eating.
I had taken videos as I found counting the breathing rate was better as it had a timer on.
He said to send to him but even though they were only 1min they were to large and I couldnt faff about with that.
So I sent them to my partner via text and he took them to the vet to see.
Vet advised that it was extremely high (which I knew) and compared it to someone doing push ups constantly all day / night just to breath and that it was best to bring her down there and then.
Thats when i felt really sick and a bit panicky but i knew i was right but had hoped increased meds would help.
Just before i left she was asleep in the on.the swing i left her for a minute but heard her bell she was sitting near the fence i went to get her and she jumped up the fence i just got hold of her but she was holding on to it with her claws and meowing.
It was if she knew, crazy thinking i know !
For a few seconds I recall thinking just let her go and let her have a few hours this evening on the roof and we can go vets tomoorow.
She then ran in to the bedroom and fought going in her carrier i felt so so bad.
Got there at just after 6pm and as soon we arrived I cried even before seeing the vet. ( It was the first time since diagnosis).
When in the room she just just layed still but looking around.
My partner went to move the carrier to another chair and she tried to jump in it, it was heartbreaking.
He said the only thing that would help if she went on oxygen for a while like last week but it would just be prolonging the inevitable given little time left.
So at 6.45pm my lovely fluffy very independent Kiki fell asleep peacefully and quickly.
My vet was so caring and gave us time before and after.
They had a large fluffy blanket for her to sit / lay on (she hated anything warm usuarly due to being so fluffy) but she just laid down on it.
When she was gone I covered her with the blanket. Said sorry and Kissed her goodbye.
Vet said I have been so vigilant and had noticed every little change in her and was right for her and us to have her home for a while. But had recognised and called it in at the right time so she wouldnt suffer longer and needlessly.
I had a headache going there so have just really sat here tonight with a coffee and pain relief tablets, not had any dinner, not put her carrier away or emptied her bowels.
I have not really cried much since home but every now and then i feel a wave of feeling sick, so sad and a few minutes of tears.
This is and will especially be so when looking in the garden at her two favorite places such as the flat roof and my garden swing where she would as i called it Moonbathe / Sunbathe.
I have and will continue to miss calling her to come in and her ignoring me untill shes ready usuarly 2 o"clock in the morning, just having her around and allowing me to stroke her neck and rub her ears just for a few minutes at a time and her very distinctive and loud purriing that sounded like a helicopter.
So although Kiki is now at peace she will never be forgotten.
I am havng her ashes brought home and she will sit next to Marmalade who died in January and is still missed greatly but time does heal a little.
I have one left now Ginge who will be looked after, spolit and loved just as the others wwere. After that I have decided i will not be getting any other pets although.lo ely memories its too much when they are unwell / die.
So thank you all for your support on here I really really do appreciate it, it has helped me a lot. Maybe we will come across each other again on MN.
Thank you again X