Will vet think I'm silly - 500 questions after my cat passed away

[PurpleSky300]

My lovely moggy (approx 15+) had to be PTS on Wednesday after she became really ill and an ultrasound scan showed extensive cancer. The vet said there was no normal liver tissue left and it was one big tumour mass spreading into surrounding areas. It was absolutely heartbreaking. I have never had to make that decision before. Deep down I had always thought that PTS was wrong because who am I to decide who lives or dies?

The thing is - it all happened so quickly that I didn't really process what the vet was saying and now I want to ask questions, but I don't want to sound stupid. The gist was that it was a terminal situation, it was very very bad and needed to be ended ASAP.

What I want to ask them:

• I read that liver cancer is extremely rare in cats, like 1% of cases. Is it more likely that the cancer started somewhere else and spread there?
• How long is it likely that the cancer had been there? She had not been 'obviously' 'ill until 2-3 days before PTS
• What are the risk factors for liver cancer in cats
• Some cats I've read about have options for chemotherapy or at least palliative care when they get this diagnosis. None of these options were given to me and when I asked about palliative options they said "unfortunately, absolutely not" and I would just like to understand why
• The vets reaction and immediate certainty about PTS made me feel very guilty that I had not seen signs before and that I had caused, potentially, days of pain and suffering. I am really struggling with this
• I want to be reassured that my cat was given strong pain relief in the hours before PTS
• Also want to be reassured that PTS was painless

Can I ask these things now? Will they think I am mad?

I’m sorry for your loss OP. Of course you can ask the questions, the vet will be very used to this. Give them a call and ask the vet to call you to discuss some questions.

In my experience vets are on the side of the animal. The tumour was enormous and in this case, from your first paragraph, pts was a kindness. Your cat was lucky to have someone who loved them enough to spare them suffering.

Guilt is part of grief, but I hope you get some peace from the vet.

Also, there was a 'false start' when the vet conducting the PTS was supposed to inject the fluid, but when he pressed down - the catheter had become displaced so the syringe just emptied onto the floor and he had to do it again. That really upset me. Then he said "She is gone" after just a couple of seconds. I just feel so stunned by it all.

You absolutely can ask those questions, I had many questions when my 1 year old cat got ill very quickly and had to be PTS.

I would recommend emailing them - it gives you time to make sure you’ve asked everything that you want to ask, and time to read and process the reply. It was helpful to me to be able to go back to the email, I’m not sure I’d have remembered everything the vet would have said if it were a phone call.

I am so sorry for your loss x

It’s all a shock, you need time to process. I’ve been there, it’s quick and you can’t believe it. You did the right thing for your lovely cat.
In time, can you tell us about her? I’m so sorry, it’s the most awful bit of pet ownership. Much love

Vets are obliged to give you the options, so the fact yours didn't means there really weren't any for your cat. You saying that you were told the liver was almost completely consumed by the cancer means even with heroic efforts your cat probably wouldn't have survived much longer - all you would have been doing would be to draw out her discomfort & pain.

I've never seen yet chemo actually curing a cat with cancer, just lengthening it for a short while. Palliative care is another situation where you are just prolonging life with as little distress as possible, and your vet must have thought with the cancer so advanced they wouldn't have been able to keep her pain free. So neither of these options sound suitable I'm afraid. In some types of liver cancer, if they aren't very advanced, surgery can help significantly but even then most of the time you're only looking at about another year or so of life.

When a pet is PTS it's exactly that, they go to sleep like when under a sedation/general anaesthetic and then it goes that little bit more. I've never heard of any indications that it hurts the pet in any way.

You also have to remember that being prey animals as well as predators, cats are extremely good at hiding any illness or injury so there are no signs of weakness. For them to look obviously ill they have to be pretty bad. Unless there were any sudden changes in her appearance of behaviour it's pretty unlikely that you would be able to tell there was anything wrong. And with you living with her every day, subtle changes are very easily missed.

But yes do ask your vet your questions too. You won't sound mad or silly, understanding what's happened can help you get over the worst of your grief and they should be happy to talk to you about it. I would write down all your questions beforehand, as you can easily forget something as you'll likely be very upset talking about it.

You did exactly the right thing. It’s not about ‘who are we to decide’ it’s about preventing suffering in an animal that can’t understand. I wouldn’t look to deeply into the details. The bottom line was that she had a huge tumour and nothing could be done. So you did the kindest thing. The last act of love for them.

My cat was PTS about 18 months ago and I remember feeling almost traumatised by it (first time losing a pet this way). She had been ill for over a year (kidney disease) and the vet said in Sept “if she’s here in March” but I just couldn’t take it in, so three months later when PTS I was poleaxed. The vet gave us options (clutching at straws as nothing was going to cure her) but I still kept wondering if it was right to PTS. The best thing was after we decided to PTS the vet told us IHO it was the right one.

When I had processed it I just pictured this old, thin cat on the table who had not eaten properly for a few days. PTS was the right thing.

Your cat was 15, it would have not liked chemo and it sounds like it would have been futile, for what? A few more weeks of potential suffering? Honestly PTs was kindest.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I recognise how you feel. When we lost our beloved dog at 15, it was all very sudden as well and I couldn't process it. My vet told me that it does usually happen very quickly. Animals will be fine for so long, until they just aren't. Especially when the liver is involved.
My dog has liver disease and for a year we were able to give him medication for it, until one day his liver was suddenly not ok. Literally the day before he was 100% normal, then the next day he wasn't.

On the Friday our vet could see that he wasn't going to survive but I hadn't realised it would be so soon, so when she suggested PTS that appointment, I said no, if he's not in pain I'll take him home for the weekend because our adult children were coming to visit.
He actually deteriorated and starting fainting and fitting, so by the Sunday morning we knew it was time.

I emailed the vet the next week with a load of questions as I was in shock, felt so guilty of I could have done something more, and just so lost.

Sondo contact your vet, they won't mind, they'll be used to it. And be gentle with yourself 💐

I'm sure your vet will be happy to answer your questions and you should ask just to put your mind at ease.

Over decades, I've kept six dogs and three cats. I have one dog remaining, my other dogs and my cats were pts due to old age conditions (some because of cancer.)

Your vet's job was to tell you what options were available in the treatment of your cat that would be kind and effective. I wouldn't beat yourself up with "what ifs" regarding chemo. If it had been a feasible option, your vet would have told you so. Sometimes, the cancer is too established and the animal is too old to treat and being pts is the only kind thing to do.

In my experience, animals are extremely good at masking illness, including cancer. Very often it's already too late when they first start showing symptoms. As an example, I had a 15.5 year old Border Collie who was in great condition. He was eating well and enjoying his daily walks with my two much younger dogs. One day I came downstairs to find a small patch of dried blood on the floor and he didn't eat his breakfast that morning for the first time ever. Later that day I saw the vet. She remarked on his great condition, took some bloods to rule out kidney or liver problems and said she suspected an old age bug. The following day the test results came back all clear. However, whilst I was speaking to her on the telephone, my dog went outside, crouched to have a poo but instead a large amount of fresh blood came out. The vet said it was most likely a burst stomach tumour and "he doesn't have long." I was absolutely gutted but I arranged to have him pts the following morning, to prevent him from suffering. That's a good example of how short the time frame can be between symptoms coming to light and the animal being pts. I don't think your vet was insinuating you missed symptoms because vets know that often there aren't any until the very end.

Please don't feel guilty for putting your cat to sleep because it was the kindest thing to do. I'm very sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss Purple. I know it’s devastating when your cat dies and, having had to make that decision a couple of times, it’s awful. Of course ask your questions and don’t be ashamed of your grief. It’s very natural

Of course it’s fine to ask your vet. I was in a similar position last year. My lovely cat was diagnosed with mouth cancer and I was shocked. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, researching it, asked the vet so many questions. I even typed the result of the biopsy they took into Chat GTP so I knew exactly what was going on (and sadly I then realised how poor the prognosis was.) We weren’t offered any treatment either. I now realise that PTS was the right and most compassionate decision but I struggled with it at the time because I loved my cat so much.

Like with your cat, the vet had some trouble when PTS and ended up having to inject her in the kidney which was really difficult to see but luckily she was sedated and hopefully didn’t feel it. It’s such a sad time and I’m not surprised you’re finding it hard emotionally and have so many questions. Sending you love and healing energy 💕

If we bring animals into our lives, we have a duty of care towards them in their final days. Often pets are seen as human beings and of course they are not so treatment them is different. It’s not fair to prolong the lives of animals in a hopeless position because we think human solutions could work.

15 years plus is a good age and no animal deserves to suffer because we cannot let them go quietly. I’ve had many pets and a few horses. You have to be the one making decisions and no vet will let an animal suffer. Personally I would not ask because nothing now makes any difference. That doesn’t mean to say you shouldn’t but I’d focus on the future and not the past.

I'm sorry for your loss @PurpleSky300. Yes, of course ask your questions but as others have said, I'd do it over email. I also wonder whether you could find out some of the answers from the Internet.

Our old boy just died next to the cat flap aged 14. We just found him there at 9am. The vet said probably a stroke or heart attack . There was no prior illness and dhe had had a check up only a month before. The vet said the only way of being sure was a post mortem but I couldn't see the point. We buried his ashes in a corner of the garden, planted a couple of roses and had a plaque made.

Try not to ruminate and look after yourself by being kind to yourself. Your cat had a wonderful, loved life and died with you at their side.

I’ve been holding two of my beloved boys when they’ve been PTS due to cancer. They really do slip away quickly and calmly.

It’s us that are left standing in shock!

It’s also true that cats are experts at hiding any pain or discomfort. You wouldn’t have noticed so there is nothing to feel guilty about there.

There’s a saying ‘better a week too early than a day too late.’ Trust your vet. Any treatment sounds like it was only delaying the inevitable and you could have tipped into ‘too late’ with pain.

Big hugs to you, it’s such a sad loss and they leave a massive hole.

One of ours had liver cancer. Yes very rare and she was only 5, it's more likely in old cats we were told.
She was diagnosed and we decided to have her PTS in a week as she was so poorly.
She had lost a lot if weight in a short space of time and the vet gave her steroids and anti-emetics while we were waiting for her bloods to come back.
Once she was diagnosed the vet said medication might give her a few weeks more, but we weren't prepared to fight with her to give her tablets when she was going to die anyway.
We have always stayed with ours when they are PTS they just go limp, it's very peaceful .
Ask anything you need to, I'm sure vets are used to it.

Thank you so much for your replies, I've read them many times and they are very comforting. I will email the vets tomorrow.

I feel so sad and I really want to know "what comes next", which I know nobody can answer. I've been googling and falling down rabbit holes over whether animals have souls, and is there life after death, and do we see signs from them etc etc. And there are no answers and that drives me mad. I always felt like it would be easier to be at peace if you just got one final conversation, and if someone could just say "I've made it to the other side, I'm good" and sort of give you permission to go forward.

I've had people saying to me that "pets are like family" and that makes me irrationally angry, pets are family. In fact I have family members who do not really bother with me or give me half the airtime that my cat did. I am just so low right now.

@PurpleSky300 I felt exactly the same in the way that I wanted to know what happened to my cat, whether she was with me in spirit and things like that. I went down so many rabbit holes, contacted psychic mediums in the hope she’d come through etc. It was a bit useless - one of them mentioned a dog but not a cat!

I started looking for signs in nature. My cat was a tortie and I noticed an orange and black butterfly hanging around my garden. We planted a memorial for her with a plaque and the butterfly actually landed on the plaque and sat there for a few moments. I took that as a sign from her that she was well and still with us in spirit. I hope you feel better with time. Your cat is always with you 💐

We lost our beautiful white cat to cancer last year - she was only ten and it was a horrible, horrible shock. If we’re talking signs, she “sent” me a little orange boy cat with white socks and bib - it was quite indecently quickly after she was pts, but it really felt like, oh, here he is. He was only one and had been living as a stray in a lady’s shed, now he lives like a king! I find a lot of white feathers around too.

I got the vet to take paw prints from our girl and had one tattooed on my arm, with a heart, because I always called her “my sweetest little heart”. She’s always with me, just like your cat is with you. 🤍

I’m so sorry for your loss, all I can add is that it’s very fast and seems peaceful.
Call or email your vet, they’ll go over it with you xx