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My beautiful cat died, I feel guilty and heartbroken

22 replies

AnotherEmma · 22/06/2025 09:37

She was beautiful inside and out. She was black with gorgeous super soft fur. She was very shy and anxious and selective about humans, but she loved me. She was so sweet and affectionate.

The worst thing is that I feel partially responsible for her death, I can't shake the feeling that it could have been prevented. We moved house, we had two cats (and two young children!) and I was super careful to keep them inside and help them adapt. But she managed to escape after just 1 week in the new house - I still don't know how because I'd been so careful (DH less so).

She didn't come back so I put leaflets through doors and posted on social media. A couple of weeks after she'd gone missing, a neighbour knocked on our door to say she'd seen a black cat in her garden - it sounded like my cat so I went into the garden with treats and waited quietly there for ages but she didn't come out.

I felt reassured that she was nearby and that she'd come back if she needed food or water, but she didn't. I regret so much that I didn't try harder to get her to come back. I'd been thinking about asking cats protection for advice about trapping her to bring her home - I wish I'd done it and not just thought about it.

She was found dead yesterday by another neighbour, in their garden. It's been so dry and hot - she must have died of dehydration. I'd asked a neighbour (the one who'd seen her) to leave water out for her but it was too little too late.

I miss her so much. She was my favourite. I can't even look at my other cat, he was mean to her.

OP posts:
Iheartlibrarians · 22/06/2025 10:12

I'm very sorry for your loss. You obviously loved her and you didn't abandon her, as too many people do.

Obviously don't blame your other cat- sounds like normal cat behaviour and doesn't mean he won't miss her. Give him a cuddle when you're feeling sad.

AnotherEmma · 22/06/2025 11:33

Thank you. I have tried cuddling him but he's not very cuddly and he's not her 😭

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Pudmyboy · 22/06/2025 14:23

So sorry, such a sad story, she was so close yet didn't make it back to you which must be hard to come to terms with💐.
No more words, just sending a virtual hug and hand-hold 💐💐

AnotherEmma · 22/06/2025 14:33

Thank you. Yes, that's exactly it, hard to come to terms with the fact that she was so close and I could have helped her Sad

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Back20 · 23/06/2025 09:25

Are you sure she died of dehydration?? Sounds very unlikely for a cat tbh

Much more likely I think is she got run over, which could have happened anywhere, at any time and is just a sad thing when you have cats the explore and do all their cat things outside

Toddlerteaplease · 23/06/2025 10:14

@Back20i thought the same. She would have got water somehow. More likely to have been a road accident I would think. Cats are usually pretty good at looking after themselves.

AnotherEmma · 23/06/2025 11:26

No it wasn't a road accident. The person who found her did not see any injuries. The vet nurse said she would check. But she had been missing for 5 weeks and hiding in overgrown gardens. It's been very dry. So she wouldn't have had free access to water. She was very freaked out by moving house and was just hiding, I think it's unlikely she would have gone too close to people to get water.

I did have pet insurance but I assume it won't cover a post mortem to confirm cause of death! It doesn't really matter anyway. She is dead, and it's because she escaped so soon after we moved.

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iamnotalemon · 23/06/2025 13:54

Oh I’m sorry for your loss. Please don’t blame yourself x

AnotherEmma · 23/06/2025 22:54

Thank you notalemon x

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AnotherEmma · 17/07/2025 19:09

Little update. Got a call from the vets as her ashes are finally ready to collect. I asked if there was anything in the notes to indicate possible cause of death (the nurse had agreed to examine my cat and add notes if she found anything). They said it was flystrike although it's not possible to tell whether it was before she died (ie causing her death) or after she died. Now I am distraught all over again thinking about my poor beautiful cat being eaten by maggots 😭😭😭

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Almightyboosh · 17/07/2025 23:06

Oh you poor love, I'm so sorry about your lovely cat. Sometimes these things are out of our control 😢

CatChant · 18/07/2025 15:27

I am so sorry. Please don’t blame yourself. You loved her and you did your best for her. Sometimes events are beyond our control, sadly.

AnotherEmma · 18/07/2025 15:51

Thank you both xx

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highlandponymummy · 18/07/2025 16:16

Oh you poor lady. I know it's hard but please don't blame yourself. And do consider getting another cat, not to replace your beautiful girl, but there are so many that are desperate for a caring owner like you.

AnotherEmma · 18/07/2025 17:29

Thank you, I do have another cat. The two of them got on as kittens but not as adults, sadly. So I will let him be an only cat and after we lose him (hopefully not for a while yet, fingers crossed) I will definitely get another. Wouldn't be without a cat!

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stayathomegardener · 18/07/2025 18:01

If it helps at all we are sheep farmers so have some experience of fly strike and find it usually happens after an accident or injury so nicking after shearing or rams fighting for example.

In your kitty’s case this would tie in with a post traffic accident situation.

I also struggle to believe a healthy but scared cat wouldn’t forage for water from ponds or similar so please don’t blame yourself.

I bet if you looked out of an upstairs window you would see many gardens with a pond or bird bath.

Very sorry for your loss.

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 18:05

Im so so sorry OP. You’re not to blame though. Many people leave water out for wildlife or pets in gardens. She could well have been drinking. Sometimes when pets are unwell they mask it. But take themselves off to find peace. I found a cat in my garden once. Not a mark on it. Beautiful healthy looking ginger cat. Just curled up and looked like he had gone to sleep. Sometimes it happens.
You are suffering. But your cat isn’t. Hopefully the memories of a happy time together will eventually bring you comfort.

AnotherEmma · 18/07/2025 20:36

stayathomegardener · 18/07/2025 18:01

If it helps at all we are sheep farmers so have some experience of fly strike and find it usually happens after an accident or injury so nicking after shearing or rams fighting for example.

In your kitty’s case this would tie in with a post traffic accident situation.

I also struggle to believe a healthy but scared cat wouldn’t forage for water from ponds or similar so please don’t blame yourself.

I bet if you looked out of an upstairs window you would see many gardens with a pond or bird bath.

Very sorry for your loss.

Thank you. You're probably right and she probably did manage to find water. I think a road accident is very unlikely and she had gone to neighbouring gardens and no further. The vets said there were minor injuries but she could have got them from fighting with other cats or animals, or climbing over a fence or squeezing through gaps or something. She was basically just hiding out in the wild (overgrown gardens) nearby for weeks on end.

Anyway. I appreciate all the kind words.

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AnotherEmma · 18/07/2025 20:37

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 18:05

Im so so sorry OP. You’re not to blame though. Many people leave water out for wildlife or pets in gardens. She could well have been drinking. Sometimes when pets are unwell they mask it. But take themselves off to find peace. I found a cat in my garden once. Not a mark on it. Beautiful healthy looking ginger cat. Just curled up and looked like he had gone to sleep. Sometimes it happens.
You are suffering. But your cat isn’t. Hopefully the memories of a happy time together will eventually bring you comfort.

Thank you

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SabreIsMyFave · 18/07/2025 20:41

I'm sure your wee darling was ill and went off to die @AnotherEmma Please PLEASE PLEASE do not blame yourself or feel guilty. There is no way you are to blame. I'm so sorry you lost your sweet kitty. I really feel for you. They really are so special aren't they? ❤ All the best. Look after yourself, and don't beat yourself up. Flowers

ladymalfoy45 · 18/07/2025 20:45

@AnotherEmma hugs. Hair stroke and your favourite chocolate. All virtual, but so much love to you.
What colour was her nose? Her eyes? Her toe beans?
Did she have amazing whiskers and eyebrows?
I'm so sorry you lost your best girl. Xxxx

Puppylucky · 19/07/2025 11:07

"You are suffering but your cat isn't" such beautiful words @Wolfiefan - thank you from another bereaved cat owner.

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