Struggling to cope with new cat

[NewCatAnxiety]

This is a post I never wanted to write. About a month ago, I adopted a gorgeous little cat from Cat's Protection, but I'm now at a point where I think I made a huge mistake.

She's a very affectionate, sociable little cat, but she's also clingy, food obsessed, and very very vocal. She also tends to eat so fast that she vomits, even though I'm trying ever slow feeding method imaginable. I've even had her at the vets to check that there is nothing underlying and they couldn't find anything.

The truth is, my mental health has tanked since I got her, I'm constantly stressed and anxious and I genuinely don't think I can cope with her long term.

Do I have to accept that she is not the right cat for me and discuss returning her to Cat's Protection? I feel terrible even asking this, and I know that I'm failing her but I don't see any other way out.

Get back in contact with the CPL and explain that you’re not coping. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I have a cat that’s clingy and very vocal and it is draining sometimes but she’s my fur baby 😻 . Cat maybe picking up on your stress . Get back in touch with cat protection for advice they will completely understand . Good luck hun .

I had one similar, but it really didn’t bother me. She was an utter darling! The vomiting was an allergy or intolerance. When I swapped her to grain free it stopped. Could you try different food.

Give her back but don't get another pet. If you can't cope with this which in my opinion having had 10 cats from feral to doubly incontinent is a very small problem then you really shouldn't have any animals at all.
Animals are not toys they are living, breathing creatures and you have already disrupted her life hugely by taking her out of the cattery, giving her a home then rejecting her. They feel loneliness, fear and abandonment just the same as we do.
She may have already had a traumatic time before you took her in, probably starved by the sounds of it and would need plenty of time and encouragement to recover from this.

MN always have this sort of ‘you must never get another pet if you have to rehome.’ It doesn’t take into account that life and feelings can change massively over the decade or so a pet is alive for.

I had a cat like this and it did really affect me, as I felt stressed and overwhelmed all the time at home. I didn’t rehome him but in a way I probably should have as I used to put him out because I just couldn’t cope with him inside and he did get knocked over by a car

Sometimes you’re just not in the right place and that’s ok.

Thanks to those who have provided reassurance. I know I've caused her so much disruption and I'm genuinely heartbroken to get to this point. I didn't take on a cat lightly, I weighed it up and planned for months and felt like I knew what I was getting into (i had cats growing up so did know a bit about what to expect). But the truth is I cannot do this long term - I'm not eating and the anxiety and hyper vigilance has me in tears every single day. So no matter that I love her dearly, I feel like this is not fair on either of us. She deserves better.

If you still want a cat, you might be ideal to rehome an older cat, who is quiet and chill!

She has had this poor cat a month. It can take cats weeks and weeks to settle.

We also had doubts about our little cat and I actually contacted the CPL who were very understanding. But then the next day I had a change of heart and decided to give it time. I honestly wouldn't be without her now. She is a little devil but she's also got the most wonderful, quirky personality. She's not very affectionate and would prefer to be outside than with us, but she's also very sweet at times. When I'm away I find myself missing her terribly and gazing at photos of her, lol.

But don't feel bad if it's not working for you. Someone will adore her and will love her. She sounds like a lovely little cat.

No, she shouldn't take another on.

Do you have a feliway plug in? Very good for calming a stressed cat.
It's early days for you both.
But, if you really aren't coping maybe contact the rescue.

To clarify, if I decide I can't cope with her and need to give her up I definitely will not be getting another cat. I love cats but it seems like I'm not cut out for cat ownership.

My heart went out to you OP as I know exactly how you feel. I was the same when we adopted our lovely little boy cat. I worried over him all the time and cried lots over his noise and neediness. It all became even worse when he was diagnosed as seriously ill and I knew that we had to see him through to the end. Slowly slowly though, he settled down and I settled down and life did become much easier. By the time he died I loved him very much. So maybe just give it some time and make sure you are having some time away from the house just to catch your breath - a couple of hours away from my boy always helped when I felt overwhelmed.

It’s so tough, she’s a lovely little cat. I’m sitting here in tears and she’s purring away in my lap. I just didn’t foresee that having her around would trigger such severe anxiety and I wish more than anything that this wasn’t the case.

Can you pinpoint exactly what the anxiety trigger is? Vomiting is a pest but something you will most likely get to the bottom of with trial and error. She's maybe guzzling because she was not used to being fed. I love a chatty cat and would just chat back - but also if you are in the bath and the cat is crying at the door I realise that is a total pain! Ours does it because he wants me to get out and feed him, and also because he hates a closed door - I either put some snacks in a puzzle feeder for him or leave the door off the latch so he can come in.

When we adopted our little boy cat there was quite a long settling period, which we didn't really have with our previous girl cat. I can remember saying "he's the wrong cat" on more than one occasion - not helped, I know, but the fact that our beloved girl had been very recently PTS.

Now he's been with us just over a year, and the difference in him from after about five months in is so, so great. He's 100% "our" cat now, and while I could definitely do without him clooking the carpet in the living room (despite multiple scratch posts) and shouting for his lunch from 10 - 12am, I honestly love him so much.

If she's always starving but then being sick when she eats I agree with a PP that it's worth trying a different food, cats can be allergic to beef/chicken/fish so that's worth considering. A lot of cat food is quite low quality and can have a lot of filler that might not agree with them. If she can't digest the food properly it might be making her feel constantly hungry. You could also try smaller more frequent meals and slow feeders or puzzle feeders.

Also could she be bored and that's why she's always thinking about food? Speak to CP and see what they say too. Pets are supposed to bring you joy not make your life a misery, try everything you can but someone will love this cat if she's not right for you.

That sounds like the cat loves you very much but its hard when you are anxious.

The vomiting it may be the cat is affected by something in its diet or changing cat foods. What type of cat is it? The pedigree type ones can be affected by changing foods and need to limit to 1 or 2 types of food often. Moggy might be allergic to milk or ours was allergic to Whiskas. So may be worth trial and error with food / drink. It could be its anxious as well. If you say on here its food / drink someone might have ideas.

The vocal might be linked to it feeling unsettled or it wanting to bond. Our cat constantly chats and I love that.

Lets break this down into 2 sides - the current behaviours of the cat, and your stress.

It can take quite a while for cats to settle to a new home, new routine, new people etc, especially one who has been straying then in a rescue cattery.

Tobias had spent 2 of his 2.5 years as a stray and he gobbled his food like anything, luckily I was still keeping him in his room most of the time so Girlcat could get her food when he wasn't about. But by the time he was fully out & about, after a couple of months, he was much better and within 6 months had realised that food was near enough always there & became a "grazer". If you're at home most of the time then try splitting her feed into many more much smaller feeds, or even just a couple of teaspoons each time then again 10-15 minutes later after the last lot has had time to go down. Over time you can increase the amount & reduce the number.

If your girl had been an "owned" cat for any length of time, she's likely to want to try to bond with you. But she'll be feeling so insecure & clingy that in itself can be worrying, I would see how she is after a while longer. Makes a difference too what the home life is like e.g. just you or others? Are you out at work all day or home with her? When Boycat was PTS I went through weeks & weeks of Girlcat being non-stop clingy & crying, until I introduced her to her new adoring slave/toy boy Tobias. Now she still wants fuss, but now & again rather than being glued to me 24/7.

Now for your anxieties.

You're probably so anxious because you so desperately want this to work, and you've already fallen at least a bit in love with the cat. Her current behaviours are making you think, probably subconsciously, that you are the one failing her as otherwise she wouldn't be so anxious & clingy herself, or have her eating issues.

You may well have PFC syndrome (Precious First Cat), very similar to mothers with PFC (Precious First Child) syndrome. Have a read up on PFC, and you might recognise some of your own thinking & anxieties!

I feel your best course of action would be yes, call CPL and discuss your worries & concerns. But it could be well worth trying to work out a plan of action with them to try to overcome some of the issues you currently have e.g. around the eating, and how to try to reassure her that she is home now.

From the sound of it she's a very sweet cat who just needs a lot of reassurance to overcome a bad time in her life, and if your mental health can be persuaded to cope a bit longer the end result could be oh so rewarding.

A month isn’t very long. It took me a good few weeks to bond with my needy, very vocal cat. Three years in she is still pretty needy but I adjusted my routine so she got a long cuddle in the morning and evening. Her vocality has calmed down a lot as well as she got more secure. She still loves a good chat but I no longer look at her wondering why she is walking around screeching and what is she missing that I should be providing. It took me a while to realise that she just likes doing it as she gives the house a patrol.

In short - she gave me quite a bit of anxiety in the beginning. Getting used to the mess, smell (didn’t expect her to want to be a house cat so wasn’t expecting a permanent litter tray), the yowling, demands. I love her so much though now and wouldn’t be without her.

Our cat was a rescue and had a lot of food issues when we first got him. It took him around 3 months to stop scratching at the cupboard doors, tipping over the food bin and wolfing down his food to realise that we were going to feed him and he didn't need to worry. Until the end of his day's if he didn't have a bowl of biscuits he would pee on the floor in a panic that he had ran out of food. He also had a very sensitive stomach so we changed to food designed for that and it really helped. He was also extremely loud but we realised that was just him! There was absolutely nothing wrong with him other than that he liked the sound of his own voice and had a lot to say. He even used to stand and miaow at the bottom of the stairs for no reason other than that it made it louder in that part of the house! It took 3 months for him to really start settling and now we are all heartbroken without him. He was a real character and all those traits that we worried about in the beginning, made him into the special cat he was in the end. I'd say give it time, don't panic, the cat is alive and obviously loves you if he's purring away on your lap.

Thank you so much @Allergictoironing you have helped me understand my behaviour around Elton and hopefully I won't make the same mistakes again.

I foster cats and found that when they first come into me the food last barely anytime. One of mine which I have now kept wolfed it down and he’s been with me 6 months now and just picks at it. He had the most awful belly too and was actually a really bad worm infestation which took multiple treatments to clear. He used to follow me everywhere which at times was annoying as I would nip to fetch something and he was there and then had to settle him back down again. Now he’s a lot more chilled and doesn’t constantly get up, every time o move. You could tell he was never properly asleep and was always on edge, waking me throughout the night every few hours, he just sleeps on the landing now or on his cat tree. You have to remember these cats have been through a lot, especially if they have been on the streets. If you can give her time I’m sure she will settle in to your routine. But if you really can’t cope please give her back so she can be with someone who can

She is likely to become less needy in time, once she feels more settled. My cat was very needy at first but gradually settled more.

I chat back when cat chats to me, it is lovely and a relief from loneliness! If she sleeps on your bed that often calms too. She just needs reassurance.