What would you do? I'm at my wits end

[Brydee]

My first cat is 4.5 years old. We got him in lock down and he has always been incredibly attached to me, not so much the DC but still a lovely cat.

We got a new kitten 8 months ago. Did everything recommended ie keeping them separated, swapping smells, feeding on either side of door, joint treat time etc.

It's been 8 months and things are awful. The kitten is very interested in the cat but the cat not only hates the kitten but now us. He is aggressive to the children and me, growls, charges, scratches etc. He has started spending most of him time outside and only comes in to eat. Sometimes I can't even get him in overnight. If I try to keep him in the house he gets louder and louder and more aggressive. My children are absolutely terrified of him now.

He's been looked over by a vet, and no health issues apparent.

Is there a way out of this? I could cry most days as it's just unbearable and feels unfair on everyone at this point.

Re-home the kitten.

Have you consulted a behaviourist? Or discussed anti anxiety medication with the vet?

We had similar when we got two kittens to add to our two older cats. Now the 'kittens' are a year old, a bit more chilled and going out it is a lot easier, they aren't friends but there is definitely a truce. There were times we thought we couldn't carry on.

Things that helped:

• Making sure the older one got positive talk, time (his favourite human was my husband so they had time together with the kittens shut away) and treats even when he's being a bastard. If he won't come in can you do this outside?
• Feliway optimum, more than one plug at bad times.
• Lots of litter trays.

Ultimately though if one needs to go it would be fairest for it to be the kitten, it will be easier to rehome and your older cat was there first.

I have not consulted a behaviourist and didn't even know anti anxiety medication was an option, will definitely look into this.

Tried a plug in but only had one and it didn't seem to help at all - will buy multiple and hope this also helps.

Thank you @BlotAnExpert that's really encouraging to hear. I've given up hope that they'll be best friends but able to co-exist would be nice! X

Communal treats was our relief. They are all so food obsessed it was the only time we got to actually enjoy them as the older one chilled out a bit.

Forgot to say one of the kittens had anti anxiety meds because he was getting stress cystitis so definitely an option (not covered on it's own by insurance as behavioural). It wasn't that expensive though, I think about £30 for 28 tablets plus consultation (and they will do repeat prescriptions without seeing them again). Our boy took them ok in a bit of cheese

If they are boys keep an eye on weeing habits as stress cystitis is really common and can be serious if not treated. We had it with both boys. Sorted with anti inflammatory from the vet (and anti anxiety meds) but we now use a Vince the Vet supplement which seems to have completely solved the issue. He also does an anti anxiety supplement which I've not used but might also be worth a try!

I feel for you, I remember us feeling like we made this huge, avoidable mistake and that the fix would be cruel and devastating as we love them all so much. I hope it settles down for you ❤️

I have 2 female tabbies, one 11 and 'baby cat' is 5. They hated one another until maybe a year ago. They still fight and snarl a bit occasionally.

I have used one of those plug in cat scent things before that are meant to calm them down and it did actually seem to chill them both out a bit.

I think in you situation I would just respect the older once wants space. I would probably feed them in separate rooms and just indulge the older one, to be honest.

I’m prepared to be shot down for this, but I really don’t agree with keeping a cat in a situation where it needs to be medicated in order to be happy or just to function properly.

Your cat was fine until you introduced the kitten - which means it’s not a medical issue, it’s an emotional one. After 8 months I really don’t think it’s fair to keep your cat in that situation - the kitten needs to find a new home.