I miss my boy so much and feel so guilty 😢

[Inastatus]

I posted a couple of weeks ago about my 15 year old cat who developed a urinary blockage a few weeks after getting our new puppy. Sadly, the vet could not resolve the issue and he had to be put to sleep. I am so devastated and have such huge guilt. He was such a special boy and we all miss him desperately. He was a v noisy Bengal and the house is too quiet.

The vets have tried to reassure me that it was not to do with the pup. He was diagnosed with CKD 8 years ago and the scan a few weeks ago showed that he had one kidney much larger than the other. He also had a stone in one kidney. He was gradually losing weight but still loved his food. He had slowed down a bit but seemed ok. He seemed ok with the pup too, barring the odd hiss. He had been used to having dogs in his life. I guess the end happened quite quickly and I’m trying to process it all but I just have this overwhelming guilt about the puppy which is affecting me bonding with him. I’m in such a mess.

I am trying to take comfort from the fact that the vet was quite amazed that he had lived 8 years from his CKD diagnosis and he also had a heart murmur. I guess if he hadn’t got the urinary blockage his health would have started to fail fairly soon anyway.

Any kind words of advice as to how I can move on would be v welcome. I’m just so sad.

I know just how hard it is to loseca special cat. I had 3 kittens. I loved them all but one of them was my shadow. Wherever I went he followed. I used to drive DC to. s hool and he'd be trying to jump in the car with me. Every time I sat down he was up on my lap. He was such a lovely boy. He got run over and died immediately. This is 5 years ago but I still think of him a lot. Interestingly th other boy cat, who looked very much like him changed after special cats death. Now he is up with me all of the time and sleeps outside my bedroom door. He's at the door the moment I get in. My girl cat is more independent and loves my foster son best. She snuggles up with him more than me. You know it wasn't the fault of your puppy you lost your
Lovely Bengal. My DS has a Bengal and so I know the noises they make. In time consider getting another cat. I always think a house is not a home without a cat.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Of course your vet is right - once a cat gets kidney issues, you are on borrowed time - I only had two more years with my boy after he developed kidney issues; you did really well to have eight more happy years together.

Your cat was dog-savvy and it doesn't sound like the dog was bothering him. I had a dog and cats for 14 years with no dog/cat issues - I've had far more cat/cat strife; the dog and cats largely ignored one another.

You have to allow yourself to go through the grieving process and not be in a hurry to 'move on' - you are allowed to grieve for as long as it takes. Focusing on your new pup will help you keep occupied; concentrate on his training as this is the perfect time for him to build good habits.

When the time is right, another cat will come into your life to be loved and cared for.

I’m very sorry for the loss of your lovely cat, sounds like you are in the early stages of grief. When I lost my dog the guilt consumed me for months but gradually overtime it does ease, I think when you love an animal so much it’s natural to feel guilty about everything even when there is nothing to feel guilty for! I think it’s just part (the worst part) of the grieving process but in time it will start to fade 💐.

When I was struggling I found these two articles very comforting.

https://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

https://www.theralphsite.com/index.php?idPage=86

I'm so sorry about your boy ❤️

I've lost several cats through illness and old age and it's heartbreaking, I'm still reeling from losing my boy suddenly 2 months ago. I dream about him regularly and question myself if I should have noticed anything different leading up to his death.

The cruel reality is though, our cats will never live as long as humans and we're always going to lose a few along the way. I cuddle my big daft tabby every morning and promise to love him forever but it breaks my heart knowing one day he won't be here with me.

You did your best with your boy and gave him an amazing life full of love and happiness 😻

I don't know much about cats, but I know about pet loss and grief.
I had my boy pts last April - the first few months were horrendous. But @Kellywiththelegs states, it does get better.
Guilt was my worst emotion - that one took me so long to get over. @Kellywiththelegs for those articles. The first one could have been written for me.
Know @Inastatus that you did your best, you did what was right at the time and remember the lovely times.
All the love you had for him now has nowhere to go, and that's grief 💔

I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about but I do 100% understand guilt as my 6 yr old cat died of kidney failure that i failed to notice 😢. I loved him dearly and can’t believe I missed it

Thank you all so much for your lovely posts, it’s helped so much reading them.
@Kellywiththelegs - thanks v much for those links. That first article especially is so helpful.

@Inastatus and @Goandygo I’m glad the articles helped you both as they did me in my time of guilt and grief 💔.

@ArcticBells - thank you and I’m sorry for your loss. Cats are so good at hiding pain from us.
My boy’s CKD was picked up early only because he was having tests for his heart murmur - we had no idea.

@Inastatus gentle hand hold from me
If its any consolation at all I have nursed a cat through the stages of CKD and if the end stage is left too long before making that oh-so-hard decision, its really unpleasant for the cat. It sounds as though you and your vet made the decision at exactly the right time. Guilt is a natural stage of the grief process and you know in your own mind that the arrival of the puppy didn't have any connection to your cat's demise. I can well imagine what a big void your beloved Bengal has left - I love them as a breed and have one to stay with us occasionally. The bond with your puppy will come, just allow yourself the time you need 🐾

Hugs OP, be kind to yourself, sounds like a very lucky cat to have such a caring and loving you. Sadly these things happen and we do often blame ourselves when the opposite is true. You gave him a brilliant chance at life and he exceeded expectations, being pts is a decision made out of love even though it breaks your own heart, and how much he is missed is a reflection of how much he was loved, which he will have known for all of his life. Cliche but time is the best healer.

@TheStorksAccomplice - thank you. It is consoling to hear that 💐

I'm going to collect my boys ashes today , we had to put him to sleep due to issues with his kidneys a few weeks ago quite suddenly. He was only 4. It's so awful but better than he's not suffering any more

@romdowa - I’m so sorry 😔

I think it often does happen all too quickly in the end and it leaves you feeling a bit unsure and guilty about how it played out. I put my dog to sleep at the end of last year when he went downhill over about a month. I miss him but it hurts less. I do take comfort in knowing he could've struggled on but I didn't let him linger in confusion or pain.

Our 19 year old cat died today , one minute she was climbing the stairs to her bed and the next minute collapsed on the floor .Her legs on her right side just went and she had wet herself , turns out she had had a stroke . Took her to the vets to have her put to sleep , ( she was to old )she laid her head in my cupped hands and peacefully died . Crying now has I write this.

Oh gosh, so sorry to read this. 19 is an amazing age and I bet she had a lovely life with you.

I’m really missing our lovely girl who we had pts last year due to intestinal lymphoma. She was only ten. I am 100% confident we did the best by her in not pursuing chemo which would have only extended her life for a short time, but I keep wondering if we did something to cause the cancer/didn’t do something to prevent it. There’s a stupid TikTok trend at the moment which shows videos of cats running and the text along the lines of “I got to heaven and God said someone had been waiting for me”, and every time I see one I cry. I can picture my beautiful white girl coming racing down the garden and rushing down the steps, shouting she’d arrived as she ran into the kitchen looking for snacks. I hope she is waiting for me.

Sending you best wishes OP and the others who have lost their furry pals.
I think it's natural to do the, "should have, could have, would have" reflection when facing loss. In truth, there wasn't anything you could have done and you clearly loved and cared for him.

@Enough4me - thank you so much. I still cry every day for him 😢

@pippapoo62 and @Judystilldreamsofhorses - I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely cats 💐 it’s so so hard. I’m just trying to focus on the good memories.