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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Decision made … that was hard…. A thankyou to u all.

15 replies

Andtheworldwentwhite · 18/05/2025 18:19

I popped a message up here earlier this week. About giving my cat the summer and then letting him go. Such lovely comments and some very sensible comments that I read and took in.

I was happy with my decision to keep him till the end of the summer. But we woke up on Sat morning to him having an eye infection in both eyes which he had only had one in Jan. Also a small change in his neurological brain problem. So we have decided to let him go.

oh my goodness since then I have second guessed myself. He is still his normal self. Still eating ( even though he has lost weight )
Have changed my mind so many times today. It would be easier if he was further along I think. But my friend who is his vet said we are doing the right thing now things has changed slightly.

so we have an appointment booked next week. So for the next few days he will be having all the treats and chicken he wants.

I think it is harder as I know he could possibly be fine for a while now. But my head tells me ( and u guys ) that I am being kind to him. It’s just hard when you have to let them go too early. The guilt I am feeling is just soul destroying.

He was a cat that went through a few neighbours before he decided that we were his forever family, wasn’t even looking to get an animal. But he stayed ( with the blessing of his owner ) and never went anywhere else. I am going to miss my boy more than I can even get my head round.

OP posts:
Puppylucky · 18/05/2025 18:24

I'm so sorry - it is such a hard thing to make this call. I now think that the kindest thing my boy Elton did was crash so emphatically that there was no second guessing. But you get the chance to love on your beautiful boy and easy him gently. With love x

Andtheworldwentwhite · 18/05/2025 18:39

Just read that I am not stealing the sun from him. I’m letting him leave with the sun still warm on his back with dignity and grace.

that makes me feel better although reading that has made me cry again.

OP posts:
SnowflakeSmasher86 · 18/05/2025 18:46

Ah its so hard. I’ve made that decision twice this year and in both cases it ended up being rushed as they went downhill so quickly. The saying “better a day too soon than a day too late” could not be more true. It breaks my heart that it was probably at least a day too late with both of mine, so please know that making such a sad decision with your cat’s welfare in mind is the most loving thing you can do. A day in the sun is a day too many if he’s in pain. Sending unmumsnetty ((hugs)) for you and your fluffy friend.

TonTonMacoute · 18/05/2025 19:00

It's the saddest thing, doesn't mean it's not the right thing. We have had several cats, the only time I have regretted making this decision was when we left it too late. Knowing he chose you to give him a good life is a great honour!

Roselilly36 · 18/05/2025 19:14

Better a day too soon, than a day too late. It’s really sad to lose a much loved pet, I have been through it many times. My last cat, was very much my boy, it broke my heart, but I was there with him at the end when he was PTS, he passed so quickly, it was the right time. Still miss him, but it was the right decision for him. So sorry you are going through this OP, it’s just awful, you have given him a very loving home, thankfully we can make this selfless decision for our pets.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 18/05/2025 20:48

We let our beautiful girl “go well” last year. She was only ten but had been diagnosed with intestinal cancer, and while it felt impossibly cruel to let her go while she was still racing around, eating as normal, and happy in herself, it would have felt even crueller to allow her to go downhill. I couldn’t have her becoming sad and skinny, and I was so afraid of an emergency dash to an unfamiliar vet.

Much as it was horrible and heartbreaking, I am proud we did the best for her rather than what we wanted (for her to live forever). Sending love to you and your cat, OP.

CatChant · 18/05/2025 21:08

Your decision is made with nothing but love. He will slip away before life can become a burden to him and that is the greatest kindness you can give him now.

It doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking but in time it will be a comfort to know you spared him the hard times ahead.

Be kind to yourself.

Allergictoironing · 18/05/2025 21:34

Make the most of the next few days you have with your lovely boy, and store up those last memories of snuggles & spoiling - I still have those in my mind & they help me in all kinds of situation over 2 years later. I fixed those memories so firmly in my mind I can still feel him in my arms when I close my eyes sometimes.

I think I said this on your other thread, but I found that thinking through & planning for the day was very useful. I booked both that day & the next off work as I knew I'd still be falling apart a day later, and as it happened my lovely senior manager gave me one of those days back as compassionate leave for a cat! I also arranged for my DSis to take me as I knew I wouldn't be fit to drive afterwards.

Decide beforehand what you want to happen afterwards, as you will need to tell the vet. There are various options on cremation and whether you want to keep the ashes etc, what type of urn you want if you do keep them, whether you want some of the ashes turned into a keepsake or jewellery. This may be something you talk about with the rest of the family as a way of coming to term with the situation.

My heart is with you, and give him an extra cuddle from me.

Andtheworldwentwhite · 20/05/2025 10:30

I have been spoiling him the last few days. But everytime I think about tomorrow I feel physically sick and my heart just hurts so much

OP posts:
Puppylucky · 20/05/2025 11:42

I am so sorry @Andtheworldwentwhite . I think the anticipation is worse than the event often. Because Elton was so sick for so long I had a long time to dread his passing but the reality really was so peaceful and gentle. Remember you are giving him the last act of love. Wishing you peace.

CatChant · 21/05/2025 09:19

Thinking of you and your lovely boy @Andtheworldwentwhite

Andtheworldwentwhite · 21/05/2025 12:53

Thankyou. It was done this morning. I miss that damn cat so much. I have cried and cried. Still feel like it was too early. But he didn’t suffer a day in his life. And for that I am totally grateful. He is now safe under my stone bench in the garden.

OP posts:
CatChant · 21/05/2025 13:22

Oh my dear, I wish I could say something to help. Cry as much as you need. You loved him very much and you still do. He is worth every tear.

The pain you feel now has spared him the pain that was lying ahead of him. That was your last gift and it was given with nothing but love for him.

Take care of yourself.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 21/05/2025 14:06

So sorry, OP. We have a lovely framed photo of our girl and her ashes in a nice urn both sitting on the hearth - I tell our naughty little ginger boy she’s keeping her eye on him - I felt a sense of peace bringing her home, and I hope you do too. It’s so hard but you have done the right and kind thing by your cat.

dollyblue01 · 21/05/2025 15:12

Sending you hugs🤗 & 🌺 you’ve done the kindest thing, although the hardest any person owner has to do, sounds like he’s had the best week beforehand and you chose the right time, be kind to yourself x

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