She was only 3! How to tell kids?

middleagedandinarage · 2025-05-02T13:52:53+00:00

Our cat was found dead this morning, hit by a car we're assuming. She was only 3, I'm so sad. How do I tell the kids? My daughter (6) loved her to bits, they were proper best friends, we had her since a kitten. I'm just so gutted.

Slinkyminky22 · 02/05/2025 14:56

I'm so sorry. I don't think you should tell a 6 year old anything traumatic like being hit by a car, as that will be awful for a small child to imagine and think about. I'd possibly say that the cat took unwell and died very suddenly. With age-appropriate death conversation. Lots of reminders of how much the cat loved you all and was well looked after.

Favouritefruits · 02/05/2025 17:23

I’m so sorry for your loss! I really would not say your cat got run over,it’ll bring alsorts of images into her mind. I agree with PP that the cat was taken ill and her heart just stopped. She died happy knowing how much she was loved!

HoppingPavlova · 02/05/2025 17:27

It is what it is. It’s only recently that people have become squeamish about reality. I’d just tell the truth, why spin bullshit?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/05/2025 17:32

HoppingPavlova · 02/05/2025 17:27

It is what it is. It’s only recently that people have become squeamish about reality. I’d just tell the truth, why spin bullshit?

She can tell the truth without ‘spinning bullshit’ it’s called using age appropriate language and it’s not a new thing.

OP you have to be factual, cat has died, not totally certain how, but sadly these things can happen. I’d leave out the detail of the car because at 6 it’s just not necessary. She will be sad and that’s ok, death is a part of life. Just be patient with the questions and give lots of cuddles.

Sorry about your cat OP 💐

IncyWincyEyeroll · 02/05/2025 18:15

I think to a 6year old, the idea of a loved creature dropping dead suddenly and without warning and for no clear reason is probably more scary than the cat being hit by a car. I would be honest. It’s really sad, cats can’t always keep themselves safe on the road like we can, she would have died instantly without realising anything was wrong or being in any pain.

(and I’m sorry this has happened OP, it’s very sad when a pet dies. Hope you’re ok)

LaTable · 02/05/2025 18:22

Tell her the truth, do so gently and in a setting where she has the ability to process however she feels comfortable.
For us it's in the car with just one kid (8) and the other can handle that news anywhere with a cuddle(6)
Yes they will be upset for a period of time and yes they will bring it up and relate it to things later in their life.
Just tell them how it's very sad and its okay to be sad and cry about losing the cat, that she got run over by accident and it was nobody's fault, the cat probably just didn't see the car at night time in time to move fast enough, that you all will miss the cat and then talk about all the good things you had with the cat and the cats favourite things etc and how much the cat loved you all as a family.
My 6 yo absolutely could handle this information in their own way and I strongly believe that lying and pretending nothing has happened will actually damage them more than gently coaxing them through the loss of a pet. It's the start of being able to process bigger losses later in life

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/05/2025 18:22

IncyWincyEyeroll · 02/05/2025 18:15

I think to a 6year old, the idea of a loved creature dropping dead suddenly and without warning and for no clear reason is probably more scary than the cat being hit by a car. I would be honest. It’s really sad, cats can’t always keep themselves safe on the road like we can, she would have died instantly without realising anything was wrong or being in any pain.

(and I’m sorry this has happened OP, it’s very sad when a pet dies. Hope you’re ok)

I agree actually, that’s a good explanation, cat won’t have even known what happened. Some kids wouldn’t question things too much but others will so this would stop the mind from wondering if the cat was scared etc

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/05/2025 18:25

LaTable · 02/05/2025 18:22

Tell her the truth, do so gently and in a setting where she has the ability to process however she feels comfortable.
For us it's in the car with just one kid (8) and the other can handle that news anywhere with a cuddle(6)
Yes they will be upset for a period of time and yes they will bring it up and relate it to things later in their life.
Just tell them how it's very sad and its okay to be sad and cry about losing the cat, that she got run over by accident and it was nobody's fault, the cat probably just didn't see the car at night time in time to move fast enough, that you all will miss the cat and then talk about all the good things you had with the cat and the cats favourite things etc and how much the cat loved you all as a family.
My 6 yo absolutely could handle this information in their own way and I strongly believe that lying and pretending nothing has happened will actually damage them more than gently coaxing them through the loss of a pet. It's the start of being able to process bigger losses later in life

Absolutely agree with this

heatherwithapee · 02/05/2025 18:25

I agree to that you shouldn’t avoid talking about how the cat died. You don’t need to add unnecessary detail but I think the prospect that someone / something could randomly die is a whole lot more scary to a small child than knowing that their pet got hit by a car.

I was six when my first cat died by being hit by a car. I was told how he died and don’t remember being particularly traumatised beyond the usual being sad that my cat has died.

I'm sorry for the lost of your DCat.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 02/05/2025 19:10

A couple of our cats were run over when I was a kid. It wasn't kept from me. I don't remember being traumatised by the cause of death, I was just very sad about the cat. Just be honest and sensitive.

carly2803 · 02/05/2025 19:48

im so sorry OP

Be honest, mine get upset still about the loss of our pet but i explained it truthfully , kind but honest.

Ponderingwindow · 02/05/2025 19:54

3 year old cats don’t tend to randomly drop dead. Telling a young child that a healthy young cat got sick and died with no warning will only make the child fearful that everyone around them may suddenly die.

OP needs to take responsibility for her own choices and tell the truth. Yes, her child is going to be hurt. There is no avoiding that right now. It is better than any lie.

AnonWho23 · 02/05/2025 19:57

I would tell her that the cat died because it got hit by a car. I would explain that when animals die we can't see them or play with them l anymore but we can think of them and remember them in are hearts.

My daughter ask loads of questions.

Why do things die? Sometimes animals get old and their bodies stop working. Other times they can get hurt or very ill.

When will you die? I'm not sure but hopefully not for a very long time.

Lonelycrab · 02/05/2025 19:57

HoppingPavlova · 02/05/2025 17:27

It is what it is. It’s only recently that people have become squeamish about reality. I’d just tell the truth, why spin bullshit?

Heartless

Children get attached to cats. I was devastated aged 11 when ours was killed by a car.

AnonWho23 · 02/05/2025 20:05

We've had a lot of bereavement recently, people not animals, my kids did get upset but were quickly distracted. They do ask questions about death randomly, but they don't seem phased or traumatised by it. Although we do talk about the deceased, visit the grave (they like nannys garden) and take flowers. They even give flowers to the lady at the end that never gets any because they want her garden to look pretty.

Babyboomtastic · 02/05/2025 20:07

I'm sorry about your cat.

We've been through this with two cats, both sadly run-over. The kids knew because with (1) it happened right outside our house and although they thankfully didn't see it they heard the knock at the door, saw my husband return upset etc. (2) We got the call from the vets where she'd been taken whilst supervising bath time.

They were younger than your 6yo (1 and 3 then 2 and 5) and were sad but coped ok.

With both cats they were externally ok enough for them to say goodbye and give them a hug. With 1, my 3, year old insisted on checking for a heartbeat with her medical kit, which broke me inside.

We grieved together as a family. It's been 3 & 4 years since it's happened but they still talk about those kitties frequently.

When our remaining cat dies I think it'll be far worse. She's elderly, disabled from birth and I'm closer to her than most family members. I'm trying to gradually prepare the kids that each year we get with her is a blessing.

hoarahloux · 03/05/2025 20:48

Lonelycrab · 02/05/2025 19:57

Heartless

Children get attached to cats. I was devastated aged 11 when ours was killed by a car.

Show quote history

They're going to be devastated however it's spun. It's not any kinder to tell them that Fluffy just dropped dead for no reason. The truth is the kindest and best way to inform children of death. They aren't stupid.