How do you know it's time?

[BigDahliaFan]

Nearly 18 year old cat. He's got a mass - a tumour - possibly in his spleen but definitely a tumour. The vet can feel it. She said she could ultrasound but won't as he's stressed out by the vets and the treatment options wouldn't change. She gave him a long acting steriod, which perked him up for a week - but should have been 3 weeks.

He still has a great coat condition, still goes outside to toilet (he looked at the litter tray we'd put out to help him in disgust and headed out the catflap), he's losing weight but he had weight to lose. He's still eating - though not much and is very picky. He spent yesterday asleep on his patch of catmint in the front garden, and in the dog's bed.

He's still looking for affection. Does it get to a point when you just know?

Aw I’m so sorry. Its hard isn’t it.

Having had to make the decision twice in the last year, I’d honestly say sooner is better than later for all of you. Cats are so good at soldiering on you don’t realise how ill they are until they’re really struggling. With both of mine I had to bring their vet appointment forward as they’d gone downhill very quickly and they were clearly suffering - one of them the appointment was 5pm that day and when I woke that morning I knew he had to be seen straight away so I called them and said I had to bring him at 9am. It was heartbreaking to see my little tiger clearly struggling when just the day before he’d seemed ok, but lethargic etc.

Both cats were still going outside up until the day before so I don’t think that’s necessarily a sign that all is well, I’m sorry to say.

If its inevitable I’s honestly recommend a day of cuddles and love for everyone to say their goodbyes while he’s still himself, as my lasting memory of my boy is him floppy and drooling on my arm 😢 and my little girl cat meowing loudly, which she never did usually.

It’s heartbreaking whenever it happens but there’s a good reason they say “better a day too early than a day too late”. I think I was a day too late with both of mine. Sorry for being self indulgent and banging on about mine. I just think that if you get replies saying “you’ll know when it’s time”, you won’t. You’ll only know when it’s too late. Then you still have to wait for the vet to fit you in.

Our girl had an intestinal tumour and we opted to PTS very quickly after diagnosis. We were told it was best case scenario 12 - 18 months longer even if we did chemotherapy with her, and because she hated the vet that would have been incredibly stressful and upsetting for her. Steroids would have bought us weeks according to the vet.

I loved her so much that I couldn't bear to see her suffering even a tiny bit. I know some people think we went in too soon (she was racing around the garden on the day we took her for her final vet visit, ate well right to the end, and caught a mouse the day before) but I am confident we did right by her.

Two of mine we’re going down hill but not unwell in themselves. But one day, I just looked at them and I knew. All three of mine weed on the bed the day they died. Something they never ever did. I saw the light had gone from their eyes and I just knew it was time. Cheddar was more sudden and that was hard as we didn’t know what was wrong. But I knew it wasnt fixable. I think the waiting was the worst. I felt very sad, but relieved with Magoc and Maia, as I’d been expecting it. Cheddar was a shock. But in all cases I know it was the right decision. You really will know.

Our 18 and 19 year old moggies have both been PTS in recent years, one in 2022 and the second in July last year. Both went downhill dramatically in the space of about a week, just everything took a turn for the worse at the same time, and both DH and I just knew the when time had come. It’s almost like the dilemma of “is now the right time?” suddenly no longer existed. If anything, I would have taken the decision at the start of what I now know was their quick decline because it would have spared them a couple days of just ‘existing’, simply because my brain couldn’t fathom letting them go 😢

You just know. I know that’s easy to say but it’s true. When the time is right you know. You know when your pet who has been a member of your family for 18+ years has given up and isn’t happy anymore. Yours sounds happy still? My cat went downhill quickly in about 5 days, it can be very sudden and it was definitely the right time.

Thanks all. I’m sorry if I’ve brought up bad memories. But they all sound like much loved cats. In a way I hope when it’s my time someone will be able to hElp out.

I’m so sorry you’re having to consider it, but we are lucky that for our pets we have the option not to let them suffer. Your boy is lucky to have lived a full and happy life with you. That’s the only consolation - I know my kitties were so loved and being able to offer a final act of kindness to prevent even an extra moment of pain is our privilege.

Having watched 2 parents deal with terminal illness I’m 100% in favour of assisted dying for humans too.

Sending love to you and your fluffy friend

Mine stopped eating or ate very little. It’s true you just know and it’s better to go a bit earlier as they are so good at masking pain.