Please be kind: TW very sick cat, decisions..

[ChannellingInnerCrazyCatWoman]

We are very suddenly on the brink of having to make a difficult decision with one of our cats, aged 13.

Took him to the vet on Friday when he became quite lethargic, this follows a short spell of him vomiting a lot. Vet found a very large lump in his gut and strongly suspects lymphoma.

Vet was quite blunt on Friday in terms of options from here, including steroid/chemo which might get him a few weeks to a couple of months. Vet tried to take bloods to eliminate any other possible reasons but cat was too wriggly to allow the bloods. Current plan is to take him back tomorrow morning to try again, and I've been given a sedative tablet to administer a couple of hours before we go to make that easier. Vet has proposed keeping the cat in till later tomorrow when the results are back. I am getting very strong vibes from the vet that they are expecting a decision to be made about PTS tomorrow.

In the meantime he has continued to be lethargic, and is scarcely eating this weekend.

One of my DC has an important school week ahead, they currently don't know how serious things are with the cat. (Coparenting situation, lives with me 50% of the time, which will include the week ahead)

I am pondering whether it would be ok not to get the bloods done as the vet seems pretty certain of what we are dealing with anyway, ask for whatever they can provide by way of palliative short term support, inc steroids if that would help, and try to keep him comfortable at home for at least a few more days, to allow us all to spend time with him and then at some point face into the tougher decision.

That also seems a bit kinder than having him kept at the vets all day tomorrow with the prospect of that being his last few hours before PTS. I definitely don't want to prolong any discomfort the cat is under, but also concerned about my DC dealing with sudden bereavement this particular week.

Please be kind as I am already beating myself up about everything and if I could or should have got the cat to the vet before now and trying to weigh up what is best for every family member, including the cat.

Tricky one. I think I'd want the bloods done, just so I didn't think what If. But my cats have always been cooperative about having bloods with no need to stay at the vet. So it's a bit different. But if you think it's time then it probably is. Hand hold from me.

So sorry to hear about your cat. It's always so hard to know what to do for the best. I think like the poster above I'd want the bloods done, but my cats are also very cooperative, and you have to decide in the context of your own cats' temperament and your own circumstances. There's no easy right or wrong answer, apart from not letting him suffer which you obviously won't.

Don't beat yourself up about not going to the vet earlier. Minor things turn into more major things, and hindsight is a wonderful thing. I don't see why asking for short term palliative care would be an issue, if it would buy you and your daughter a little more time to say goodbye and come to terms with it. I did this with my own cat last year, who had a stroke and then rallied for quite a long time before declining again. At her final vet visit, I was told she probably had about 2-3 weeks left, but it would be cruel to let it go on that long as her lungs would start filling up with fluid. But she said it was perfectly fine to take her home for a couple more days. So that's what I did, and I also decided to have her put to sleep at home so I could control the environment at the end and not put her through the stress of another vet visit.

On the day, the vet (from a specialist service who do home visits purely for this purpose) came to the house and the whole thing was so serene. Obviously I was devastated but being able to sit with her and have her lying peacefully in my arms as she passed away was the ending I felt she deserved after 16 years of unconditional love. The whole visit took over an hour (she was sedated about 15 mins before the final injection so I could just cuddle her and say my goodbyes) and I was so grateful to feel unrushed and have her die in her favourite spot. It also gave my other cat, her lifelong companion, a chance to see what was happening, though who knows what they understand.

I totally understand why lots of people wouldn't want or be able to do this, and I had never done it for any previous pets, and it was also ridiculously expensive (about £500 incl. individual cremation). But I did feel way more at peace afterwards and I think it helped with the grieving process.

Sorry you are going through this, it's the pits. We just have to give them the best ending we can, and I'm sure you'll do exactly that.

You can't keep a cat alive longer than you should for the sake of you or any other human. It's cruel. You need to take your DC completely out of the equation and be completely cat focussed.

@Shubbypubby is right. You haven't think of the cat in this situation not your DD. And I totally get it. It's horrendous, but you can't let them suffer longer than necessary.

I am sorry and am thinking of you & your cat 💐

"I am getting very strong vibes from the vet that they are expecting a decision to be made about PTS tomorrow."

You need to see this in terms of what is medically indicated and what will be best for your cat. If the blood test results confirm or are consistent with lymphoma, then you can continue the discussion about prognosis and options. You do not need to rush any decision on PTS unless the medical situation demands this (at which point the decision will probably be clear to you - or at least, that has been my experience). In that regard, I'd place zero weight on the important school week. That is not a medically-relevant consideration.

I would therefore suggest that you take him to the vet tomorrow so he can have the blood tests done and be monitored for the day. The vet will be in a much better position to advise on his condition and on the benefits and risks of trying some interventions to give him more time.

I hope that you can have some more quality time with him.

Completely agreed

So sorry to hear this. Our lovely cat had lymphoma. She actually had no symptoms bar frequent puking, and was so “well” that we had her to the vets numerous times for it and they were never worried. She never stopped eating, lost weight, or went off her food which “tricked” them. I eventually pushed for further tests and the bloods were completely clear, so I am not sure how useful that test will be. We were referred to a specialist place, and even there the highly esteemed vet said she thought it was a kind of cat IBS, and then was gobsmacked to find a massive mass on the CT scan.

There are two kinds of lymphoma and we had the worst one. Our options were chemo or steroids, with the best case scenario (IV chemo) only giving us 12 months of an expected time with her. As she hated the vet/car/box we opted to say goodbye to her very soon after as treatment would have been really distressing for her.

It was absolutely brutal, especially as she was bright as a button and caught a mouse the day before - and she was only ten - but I am so glad we let her go before she suffered and went downhill. She had sunshine on her last day, her favourites tuna and Philadelphia to eat, and went to sleep with us telling her how much we loved her. I hope someone can show me such kindness one day.

The vet thought my late girl had lymphoma. She's been loosing weight and had loose poo. A scan showed abnormal intestines. They put her on steroids by she went down hill on them. Up
And till then she'd never been unwell with it. But I looked at her the next day and Just knew it was time.

So sorry Channelling. If DCat really hates the vets and is distressed by them, they would really struggle with treatment so it may be time. If there is a vet who will do this in your home that would be much less distressing for DCat. Sending love ❤️

Thank you for all the messages, I've read them all, understand the points made and appreciate those who have shared their own sad experiences. There is no question of prolonging our cat's suffering.
I'm at the vets right now awaiting bloods to be taken and we may not get all the relevant results till Wednesday, but it's possible we will know enough from the results that do come later today. I am absolutely relying on the vet's good advice as to what is best for the cat. And DC has been prepared for what may be to come.

How are you and your cat doing OP?

Thank you @Judystilldreamsofhorses, in consultation with the vet we have agreed to wait for additional test results (likely tomorrow). Test results to date have eliminated some of the other possible diagnoses, the remaining result may be a more definitive confirmation of lymphoma (without putting the cat through invasive surgery). DCat is doing well under the circumstances. He has been more perky, has a better appetite and meds to ensure he is not at all uncomfortable. I suspect we may still be just days away from the very unwanted conclusion, but the test results would help us to know definitively the position and so the focus for right now is ensuring he knows he is loved.

Glad your cat is perkier and that you will hopefully get some answers soon. Our girl was absolutely bright as a button right to the end, which made it even more heartbreaking to say goodbye - but the treatment was going to be rearranging furniture in a burning house and would have been so incredibly distressing for her. This is the thread I had running at the time which had some very supportive advice.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_litter_tray/5042516-intestinal-lymphoma

That is so helpful and thoughtful to share your own thread and read of your experience @Judystilldreamsofhorses, very much appreciated. What a beautiful cat she was 💕.

She really was. I had the vet do her paw prints and had one tattooed on my inner arm a few weeks later, with a heart because she was my sweetest little heart. Not for everyone, I know, but I love it. I had to be carted out a secret back door of the vets because I was such a mess, so I am glad I had thought to ask for that at the start!

It is such a hard, sad, awful thing, but I am proud of us for doing right by her, even though it was the worst thing for us.

I hope you and your boy are doing okay today.

An update: sadly it was his time yesterday. If any passing can be positive, I do feel it was such for our lovely cat.
The vets were amazing and gave us plenty of time with him even late on a Friday evening. He went calmly (and I suspect fairly blissed out on ketamine), held in loving arms, being softly stroked and told how much we all love him.
Thanks to everyone again for sharing your experiences and again to @judy for the link to the related thread. It all helped to reassure me that we were making absolutely the best decision for him at the right time. 💕

Oh I meant to add also thanks for mentioning that vets can do paw prints, something I wasn't aware of. I remembered this in the moment and was able to ask for it too. 🐾

So sorry you had to say goodbye - knowing it is the right thing doesn’t make it any easier. I’m really glad you were able to get his paw prints done.

DP had a message yesterday to say our boy’s jags are due and I got so upset about bringing him in, and what if he doesn’t come out. He’s two and in rude health, I am just being stupid. Funny how it hits you.