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Original poster

Is calling someone a cat lady insulting

25 replies

sashh · 02/03/2025 06:05

Long story short, my cat went missing for two days.

A lady found her, fed her, took her to a vet to be scanned and my carer picked the cat up for me. The lady has two cats of her own.

The vet game me her first name and an address. I'm disabled with no car so I couldn't go myself but I sent a card and some chocolates via the internet.

I addressed the card as First Name Cat Lady as I didn't have her surname and the online form wouldn't let me send it without a surname.

My carer has suggested she might be insulted. I was hoping she would be amused but now I'm rethinking I should have put something else.

OP posts:
Safxxx · 02/03/2025 06:12

Glad you got your cat back and what a lovely gesture of sending a thank you card with chocolates, I'm sure she will be happy and won't mind being called a cat lady...I certainly wouldn't.

MK8MS · 02/03/2025 06:19

It would only be offensive if you prefixed it with 'crazy'.

The way you've done it is absolutely fine and a lovely gesture.

Original poster
sashh · 02/03/2025 07:03

Thanks for the reassurance.

OP posts:
ExtraDecluttering · 02/03/2025 07:07

It's because of the "mad cat lady" expression. But in this context I think it's fine and that it's very kind of you to think of sending something to her, most people wouldn't go to the trouble.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/03/2025 07:10

The total irony about the insult 'cat lady' is people think they're using it as an insult whereas the single lady living alone with her cats are some of the happiest people on the planet.

Coconutter24 · 02/03/2025 07:31

I’d be insulted to be called cat lady because when people say it they usually describe a single woman, living alone with loads of cats and no life. I do think how you’ve done it though shouldn’t be a problem and in those circumstances I wouldn’t be offended. Did the lady leave her address for the vet so you could contact her?

JacqFrost · 02/03/2025 07:42

Cat lady is generally coined as the female version of Incel.

I personally would have addressed the card to My Hero.

LittleGreenDragons · 02/03/2025 08:09

Most cat lovers have no problem being called cat lady/man. Non cat lovers think it's an insult (shhhhhh let's not tell them it isn't true 😉)

Original poster
sashh · 02/03/2025 08:21

Coconutter24 · 02/03/2025 07:31

I’d be insulted to be called cat lady because when people say it they usually describe a single woman, living alone with loads of cats and no life. I do think how you’ve done it though shouldn’t be a problem and in those circumstances I wouldn’t be offended. Did the lady leave her address for the vet so you could contact her?

Yes.

They couldn't give out my details due to data protection so she left her address with them. They didn't give me her phone number but called on my behalf.

Reading between the lines the vet thought my cat was just having a wander but normally she doesn't leave the cul-de-sac so I think she might have hitched a lift on the supermarket delivery van.

@JacqFrost Damn. Why didn't I think of that?

OP posts:
EmpressaurusKitty · 02/03/2025 08:51

JacqFrost · 02/03/2025 07:42

Cat lady is generally coined as the female version of Incel.

I personally would have addressed the card to My Hero.

Except that being a cat lady is fabulous.

silentpool · 02/03/2025 09:43

People use it as an insult. But cats are very discerning creatures. If they pick you, it says something good about you, so I don't mind being called that.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/03/2025 11:02

I assume the reason it's used as an insult is because the person using it as an insult can't handle (I can't think of a better word) the fact that women are happy single. It's a really weird thing.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/03/2025 11:31

Cat lady is generally coined as the female version of Incel.

This is interesting. Because whilst both sexes are essentially doing the same thing, the gulf between them is choice.

Based on the people I know, but I think it's standard.

The cat lady has chosen as her preference out of all options to live a single life with cats.

The incel has no choice because no one wants him.

EmpressaurusKitty · 02/03/2025 11:41

arethereanyleftatall · 02/03/2025 11:31

Cat lady is generally coined as the female version of Incel.

This is interesting. Because whilst both sexes are essentially doing the same thing, the gulf between them is choice.

Based on the people I know, but I think it's standard.

The cat lady has chosen as her preference out of all options to live a single life with cats.

The incel has no choice because no one wants him.

Exactly. No man wants to be an incel. Lots of women are happy as cat ladies.

Tortielady · 02/03/2025 13:22

My username probably gives it away, but I wouldn't mind someone calling me a cat lady, especially if they had cats themselves. I'm not single, but if I was, I don't think I'd mind either. Some of the happiest people on the planet are single women with or without cats (or other companion animals.)

Plump82 · 02/03/2025 13:26

I'm proud to be a cat lady so I definitely wouldn't be insulted!

TheAmusedQuail · 02/03/2025 13:30

I think plenty of people hurl it around (men mostly who try to make single women feel bad) as an insult. But it's a total backfire, because as any cat lady knows, it's an aspirational lifestyle. Sofa, wine, cats. 100% preferable to sofa, wine, man.

caringcarer · 02/03/2025 13:36

I love my 2 cats to pieces 😻😻. I'd take it as a compliment.

blacksax · 02/03/2025 13:36

'Cat lady is generally coined as the female version of incel'

No of course it bloody isn't.

Unlike incels, cat ladies are happy and contented with how their life has turned out.

Disturbia81 · 02/03/2025 13:44

arethereanyleftatall · 02/03/2025 07:10

The total irony about the insult 'cat lady' is people think they're using it as an insult whereas the single lady living alone with her cats are some of the happiest people on the planet.

Exactly, it's a compliment to me

hairypaws · 02/03/2025 13:46

I'm a rat lady (crazy or otherwise) and I love it. I don't think she'll be offended, especially as you are thanking her.

I was in for a procedure last week and one of the nurses said "oh you're the rat lady" made my day 😃

MadKittenWoman · 02/03/2025 13:47

I would be honoured! Wink

Sid9nie · 02/03/2025 23:36

Most cat ladies own it. I wouldn't be offended.

Original poster
sashh · 03/03/2025 02:40

Thank you all for your support. As you can imagine I really did not want to insult the lady who has been so kind.

OP posts:
Original poster
sashh · 08/03/2025 03:15

Quick update.

The lady sent a card explaining how she found the cat and thanking me for the chocolate so I think she was OK with 'Cat Lady'.

OP posts:
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