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The litter tray

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The neighbour’s cat appears to live with us now

11 replies

VarsityQueen · 24/01/2025 20:13

I will try to keep this short but I am looking for some honest opinions.

About three years ago, maybe longer, two new sibling cats arrived in the neighbourhood. Sadly soon after that one of them was killed on the road. The remaining cat and our cat became very good friends.

The owners of this cat have a lot of affection for her. They are not neglectful. (They do have a toddler which we do not and they do go away a lot which we do not). We know this because one day I saw the cat with their owner and asked him about his cat (finding out her name etc). This led to us becoming friendly with him and his wife.

As time went on, the cat kept showing up, trying to come in the cat flap and shouting outside/smashing at it. Eventually we asked the neighbours if we could grant her microchip access to our cat flap as she was particularly disturbing us at night. And they agreed.

The cat is now in our house maybe 20 hours out of 23 including sleeping on our bed at night. We are often tempted to ask if we could just have her but that just seems exceedingly cheeky. They can’t get another cat as things stand because their cat doesn’t generally like other cats, only our cat. In any case you don’t just replace a cat like a sofa. If it was the other way round, I’d be devastated with the existing situation let alone want to give the cat up completely. They have the costs of pet ownership but no benefits. In the meantime we have fallen for the cat, just like our cat did.

What, if anything, would you do in this situation?

Its a tale as old as time that a cat lives where it wants but it’s unusual because a) the owners said she could be given access to our house and b) theirs is a perfectly nice home for her, albeit she probably does get more attention with us and we have our cat. And c) they don’t raise it as an issue even though they must have noticed.

Just to confirm we do not intentionally feed the cat (she sometimes eats scraps from the cat bowl).

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 24/01/2025 20:38

I would just leave it for now. See how things go as the weather warms up. She might change her habits with the seasons.

Toddlerteaplease · 24/01/2025 20:39

It's going to be really tricky to stop the car coming in. Our house was always full of the neighbours cats. But our cat was at his friends house quite a lot as well.
You could try a microchip feeder for your cat so the neighbour can't help himself. So has to go home for dinner.

Toddlerteaplease · 24/01/2025 20:40

@Overtheatlantic makes a good point about the weather.

Porkyporkchop · 24/01/2025 20:43

The neighbours seem ok with their cat coming to yours for sleepover's so I wouldn’t worry. I’d just enjoy your cat having his mate lodging with you until things change.

pinkroses79 · 24/01/2025 20:50

I'm surprised they granted cat flap access.
One of our cats did this years ago. He was a lovely cat but quite shy. Very affectionate with us though. We had a baby and he seemed happy until he could walk. We had wooden floorboards and our toddler kept making sudden noises and dropping things and I think that made him nervous. Before that he was always sleeping on our bed with us, sitting with us on the sofa.
One summer he started staying out at night. Then he started coming in less and less but would just pop up now and then, looking fine and healthy. I had no idea where he was going. Eventually realised he had 'moved in' with someone else in the road and she was feeding him and had decided he was a stray despite not looking like one.
We tried to keep him in and get him used to the house again but he wouldn't stay. She obviously cared about him and looked after him, but I was always really sad that he moved out and wonder if he would have got used to our toddler and stayed if she hadn't started feeding him and letting him in.

slimpicks · 24/01/2025 21:15

Just keep communicating with your neighbours and if they want the cat back let them try to keep it in. Until then carry on with their blessing.

Bignanna · 24/01/2025 21:24

What about potential vet’s bills, plus flea and worms, are they expected to pay?

VeryQuaintIrene · 24/01/2025 21:33

We are in your neighbors' position. Though she came to us with another cat, he did something terrible to her (we were away at the time so don't know what) that makes her much prefer the house across the road. She's definitely a cat who likes humans a lot more than other cats. So often we don't see her for days, The people across the street love her and make a fuss of her and feed her - we check frequently that she's not being a nuisance and they say that they are really happy to have her whenever she wants to be with them. We are, of course, very sad at her decision but we also love her and want her to have the happiest life she can choose for herself. We keep asking the neighbors if they would like to formally adopt her, but so far they've said no, so we will just go on and see what happens! We regard ourselves as responsible for all medical care in spite of her treachery! Hopefully your neighbors are like us and just want the cat to enjoy its life however it wants.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 24/01/2025 21:36

I lost a dcat when we had small dc... Ultimately they choose...

eb949013 · 17/02/2025 09:16

Cats, a lovely but fickle animal, it sounds like all parties (particularly the feline one!) are quite happy at the moment so I wouldn't worry unless the owners make an issue of it

Mia184 · 17/02/2025 14:27

I guess that one reason she finds your home more appealing may be because your home is more quiet - you mentioned that your neighbours have a toddler. I would leave things the way they are now.

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