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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Help: Misogynistic New Cat!

24 replies

RamblinRosie · 18/01/2025 23:28

Hi! We got a new rescue cat in September, we were told that he was probably better suited to a female household but as we were experienced cat owners, he’d probably learn to tolerate DH.

Apparently, he was a bit hissy and baffy, but no claws, really good with other cats. Very food oriented. He’s a stray, 2 or 3 years old, so no history.

They’d had him for a few months, no takers, we needed another cat (our quorum is 3) … so we took him.

After 3 days hiding in his igloo in the dining room he wanted out, so we gave him freedom of the house (cat-flap excepted). All as promised/warned he’s brilliant with our two older cats, utterly respectful. Greedy as hell - he’s been in the food waste bin and has tipped the main bin over twice, he’ll thieve of the work surface when we’re cooking if you turn your back for a second, quite partial to butter, jam and marmalade if you’re making toast!

After 3 days of freedom he decided that DH is his best friend, of an evening the only place he wants to be is DH’s armpit! He follows him around like a dog. Lots of head bumps.

SO, 4 months in, he and DH are having the biggest bromance, meanwhile he avoids me, hisses and occasionally baffs at me, even when I’m feeding him. I can stroke him when he’s close to DH but rarely otherwise. He does not hiss at men, but any female is fair game, he’s got my cleaner trained… her first action is always to raid the Dreamies for him.

He doesn’t seem scared of women, ie doesn’t run away, he just seems to plain not like them.

I’ve run out of ideas, I talk to him, blink at him, feed him, give him treats and stroke him when I can.

Anyone got any ideas, or is he just a bastard cat?

Photo of Rocky attached as per the rules.

Help: Misogynistic New Cat!
OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 18/01/2025 23:40

I don't have any advice about him not like women I'm afraid. But if any cat is going to be a criminal it's going to be him. He looks like a back robber. I just love his markings. 😂

Toddlerteaplease · 18/01/2025 23:41

Bank robber!

User11120 · 18/01/2025 23:42

What a little munchkin 😍

RamblinRosie · 18/01/2025 23:49

Rocky the Racoon, after his bin diving exploits and his outright food thieving. Nothing, not even doughnuts in a bag are safe. He is utterly shameless.

OP posts:
Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 18/01/2025 23:49

You need to up the stakes... Primula cheese spread is the key.....

Nn9011 · 18/01/2025 23:52

Cats are simple but contrary creatures. You just have to pretend that you are absolutely nothing to do with them and they will decide they want to be up in your space. I recommend a few days of ignoring him other than attending to his basic needs like food and water. Don't react when he's sitting with your husband, pretend you can care less when he walks past you etc.. I don't know why but it just works 🤣🤣🤣

RamblinRosie · 18/01/2025 23:53

What? Better than Comte and smoked salmon?

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 19/01/2025 00:13

Nn9011 · 18/01/2025 23:52

Cats are simple but contrary creatures. You just have to pretend that you are absolutely nothing to do with them and they will decide they want to be up in your space. I recommend a few days of ignoring him other than attending to his basic needs like food and water. Don't react when he's sitting with your husband, pretend you can care less when he walks past you etc.. I don't know why but it just works 🤣🤣🤣

Ideally develop an allergy to Rocky too.

RamblinRosie · 19/01/2025 00:28

OK, that sounds good, I think I’ll ask DH to also cut out the treats, put the little sod on basic rations, let it run for a few days, then treats only from me.

OP posts:
Brody021 · 19/01/2025 00:39

Absolutely no advice. I’m more of a dog person. But….. oh my goodness what a beauty 🤗

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 19/01/2025 08:51

He's a prime example of why I love cats 😻

PanettoneSoprano · 19/01/2025 08:55

Missing the point entirely...your fireplace is beautiful.

biscuitsandbooks · 19/01/2025 09:29

Ignore him Grin

Honestly - it works. My mum is not a cat person and shows no interest in my three cats - they all adore her and will scream at her for attention whenever she visits, hah.

sorechalfonts · 19/01/2025 10:09

What a gorgeous boy - the expression on his face ❤️❤️

delilabell · 19/01/2025 10:13

I have no advice but love how hes lying there with total grumpy confidence. This is what I love about boy cats.

sashh · 19/01/2025 10:26

Mine will sit on me but only if no male is available.

Males include my carer, who is here often, my dad who is only here 1 or 2 times a year, the boiler repair man, various delivery drivers or the post man.

If none of those are available she visits various neighbours.

pinneddownbytabbies · 19/01/2025 11:00

A stray, you say. Hmm. I suspect that this might be related to something that has happened to him in the past, and he associates a male smell with safety.

Other than that, do you by any chance wear noticeable perfume or hand cream? He might not like it.

Cerialkiller · 19/01/2025 11:09

biscuitsandbooks · 19/01/2025 09:29

Ignore him Grin

Honestly - it works. My mum is not a cat person and shows no interest in my three cats - they all adore her and will scream at her for attention whenever she visits, hah.

Yes it's absolutely true. My step dad actively hates cats, ignores them, nudges them away if they get too close, they are OBSESSED with him. At Christmas of the 14 people in the room, 13 of whom liked cats, they belined for him.

TakeMeToKernow · 19/01/2025 11:19

I can’t find anything about it on google, but once upon a time (a long, long time ago) I attended agricultural college and we learnt that some animals were “gender specific” in that they tended to prefer men over women. It’s strong in birds. I think cats may have been in there as well.

Pictured is the most spoilt cat in the world. She was born in rescue, all her care givers have always been women. She LOVES men. Never happier than when our boys are home. Will jump in the lap of strangers if they’re a man. I however receive a baff and a hiss every single day. She’s furious because mine is the only lap available.

Help: Misogynistic New Cat!
DuskyPink1984 · 19/01/2025 13:15

I haven’t RTWT but wonder which family member she meet first? My eldest cat definitely prefers men. We bought her from a local lady who had a teenage son. I went to look at her as a tiny kitten initially with my dss’s. Eldest ds and dh picked her up and transported her here by car when she was ready to leave. She favours my eldest ds over anyone, lets him pick her up in a way she’d never allow me to. We always say that she ‘imprinted’ on ds1 but I don’t know if this could be true. But it truly seems to be, she adores him. She definitely seems to feel safer around men. Here’s a photo, ds1 is 20 and lives 4 hours away now but cat (now 11) still looks at him with complete adoration when he comes home.

I have another, younger cat and she seems more of a girls girl. She lived with a family with 2 young girls (5 and 9) who were encouraged to handle her a lot before she came to live here.

Help: Misogynistic New Cat!
RamblinRosie · 19/01/2025 16:04

Thanks Panettone !

And thanks to everyone else, some good food for thought.

pinneddownbytabbies Yes, we’ve assumed that there’s something in his past, I don’t usually wear perfume or anything that smells, interestingly if he can’t sit by DH because one of the other cats is there, he’ll sit on my seat, which must smell of me.

kernow lovely little girl, I love a blackie.

Dusky another little cutie!

I’m going to try the ignoring route and work on the assumption that he’s just plain bastodial!

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 19/01/2025 16:20

My BIL and his mum claim
Not to like cats. My parents cat adores both of them. 🤣🤣

Toddlerteaplease · 19/01/2025 16:22

The late Cheddar adored men. I mean, she loved anyone. But absolutely loved it there was a man visiting. Dreading getting my boiler serviced this year. As she loved 'help' the plumber.

CoffeeGood · 19/01/2025 16:37

I foster cats and my speciality is grumpy old cats who hate people. My advice with adult cats (kittens are an entirely different kettle of fish and require much bribery and grovelling!) is ignore, ignore, ignore for about a week. Don't pander, don't beg for love and affection, don't try and bribe with treats. They aren't like dogs, they don't really appreciate attempts to make friends, they see that as a weakness and they are above all that malarkey! 😹Get your husband to lay off the treats too. For a week, you feed him and clean his litter tray but otherwise pretend he doesn't exist.

Of course, all this advice will probably for nought because cats are gonna cat and they like to make people out to be foolish no-clue liars! 😹

He's a very fine and handsome chap! Although he has a look that says he knows he's majestic and you're a peasant and if you drop dead, he's going to eat you! 😂

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