At the end of my tether with my cat

[BaronessClothilde]

Please no judgement/unkind words as I'm already really struggling 🙏🙏

One of my cats (10 years old) has always been a bit of a nightmare for peeing where she shouldn't. Always on soft things - the sofa, a pile of clean laundry, our son's bed, and now our bed. She's had several vet check ups and there's nothing wrong with her. We have five litter trays and they're always clean. I've just had to replace our expensive King size mattress for a second time after my son left the bedroom door open and she got in and did a wee all over the bed - soaked through the duvet to the mattress underneath. I cannot use waterproof mattress protectors because they make me sweat so badly.

It's got to the point where she has to be shut out of almost all rooms if we aren't in there with her to watch her. I feel bad for my other cat who hasn't got any peeing issues but ends up being shut out of the bedrooms and living room too.

I had a baby 7 months ago but this is not a new thing - she's done it on and off ever since she was a kitten. There's absolutely nothing we haven't tried - feliway, enzyme cleaners, cat behaviourists, different litter trays. I'm sitting here crying because I just can't cope with the constant cleaning and hypervigilance of making sure she's always shut out of rooms. I feel it's not fair on her and I can't afford to keep replacing furniture she's ruined. It's definitely a stress response - she always does it if we have visitors for instance, or if the cleaner has come, or if builders make loads of noise outside or anything like that.

Has anyone got any advice for something I might not have thought of? At my worst moments I consider rehoming her but I can't bear the thought of doing it. Sometimes though I think she'd be happier in the household of a single person who works from home and has few visitors. She's such a lovely and affectionate cat. I love her dearly. I just don't know what to do.

I would try and re-home her to a household with no other animals or children if at all possible - does she go outside?

I would put the cat first - they're clearly not happy in the current situation if the vet is 100% sure there's nothing medical.

It's horrible, but rehoming to somewhere quieter could let her enjoy her life more.

She has access to the outside but rarely goes out.

I cant bear the thought of being without her. 99% of the time she seems absolutely fine. She will come out and see visitors- have a fuss with them etc. She loves both my kids and will cuddle them!

The thing is, a happy, healthy cat doesn't pee on furniture and pet ownership shouldn't be leaving you in tears and with pee on all your things.

Have you thought about asking your vet for medication to help ease her stress levels? There are urinary supplements that can go on her food as well as medications that designed to help them relax.

I totally understand that - but you're putting your feelings above the cats here. If you're unable to afford to replace the furniture, you've done all of the investigating with the vet and there's no other issue apart from the cleaner / visitors / builders (which must be frequent?) and it means that both cats are being shut up in the house so they don't damage things then it seems like the best option.

I feel your pain , one of my boy cats sprays and cannot be trusted anywhere .

I saw a cat behaviourist and he had a drug called gabapentin on a cat dosage which calms it right down.

It's not cheap but the only thing we found to help which we hadn't tried

I love him and he loves me which is part of the issue I think, he doesn't want to share me with his brother 😣

She doesn't do it every day - I'd say it's happening maybe twice a month. This latest was particularly bad because she wrecked the mattress. I'm not sure what triggered it on this occasion tbh as nothing happened as far as I know. We haven't had visitors since Christmas.

Both cats get free run of the spare room as I have a waterproof fleece on that bed to protect it, and DH's office where they both have beds and chairs to sleep in (which she never pees on incidentally!). It seems to be our bed, our son's bed and the sofa which get it.

I would try and find her a new home with a single person and no other pets.
I have seen this quite a lot with stressed cats, either because of the other animals in the house or because of some other factor.

Also the other issue is that surely no one is going to even want a cat who has a documented problem with peeing on beds??

You could always say you suspect it won't happen in a quieter household wirh no other pets but you will take her back if there are problems

I feel I've failed her

You haven't failed her - cats can be very sensitive to their environments and the tiniest little change can trigger them.

I would get her back at the vet for a full health check including blood tests to make sure everything is well with her kidneys and liver. I'd also get them to check her urine.

I've just booked in to do this. I have also been recommended that perhaps she could benefit from gabapentine so I will ask about that too.

My darling girl.

What a beautiful girl.

I have no advice to add, but as a cat slave whose bastard overlord decided to piss on one doormat, shit on another and also on the floor which I only noticed when I walked through it yesterday, I feel your pain. I was only out of sight of him for 5 minutes, and he's never done it before.

I hope you get some answers - you could also try a supplement like Zylkene - you can get it off Amazon.

Not really the point of the thread but I’d highly recommend a wool mattres topper they are somehow cosy but not atall sweaty, capable of absorbing a lot of liquid. I got mines from soak and sleep.

My cat developed this issue- triggered by lots of visitors apparently. However, several expensive investigatory tests later it turned out to be a dietary issue. Dreamies and off-the-shelf dry food were causing the problem. He is now on Royal Canine urinary dry food and Applaws tuna wet food and is as right as rain. He is still highly strung but we don’t have the incontinence problem. Thank God! Good luck…

But are they machine washable?

She's already on special urinary food.

Im sure you have - but have you tried Royal Canin calm cat biscuits

I sympathise, we have a (male) cat who does this. I know why he does it, and we have done what we can to resolve the issue. But he's now 6 and in all honesty it becomes an ingrained habit after this long, so even if the original problem is removed they will probably not stop.

He is shut out of a couple of rooms but he doesn't seem keen on the beds or sofas fortunately, it's more marking round perimeters of rooms and ruining the floor/decor.

In terms of 'calming mechanisms' if you haven't tried Pet Remedy it's worth a go - there is a spray and plug in. We found it more helpful (and cheaper) than Feliway which we never had any success with. We notice his behaviour increases if the plug in runs out, so it does have some effect. It's available on Amazon.

We tried Zylkene, waste of money unfortunately.

As you say, it would be very difficult to re-home a cat with this issue. There is no guarantee they would change their behaviour when they go to a new home.

Ours loves the sofa and beds. Luckily we have hard floors or the carpets might be in jeopardy I suppose. When she was younger you could never leave any piles of clean washing out or she would do it over them.

I have lost count of how many duvets I've replaced. And I've not yet managed to find any waterproof blankets that are nice for humans to sit on!

I suppose I should be grateful ours does not go for sofas and beds! We have wooden floors but believe me cat wee can ruin them.

Vet bed is waterproof, it absorbs wee and has a waterproof backing, you could move it aside when you occupy the sofa (I use it because our cats like it, and it's easy to wash).