How to love a new cat - possible?

[IJWMM]

I lost my soul cat a couple of years ago - absolutely broke my heart. Sadly, his younger brother was PTS the week before Christmas. He’d seen me through a lot including losing my mum in 2024.

I am devastated that he’s gone. We just “got” each other, had a rhythm to our daily lives and understood each others vocals etc. I really miss his head bops and him curling up beside me to sleep each night.

I basically have a cat-shaped canyon in my heart and my life. But at the same time, can’t imagine getting another cat. Am worried I won’t love it, that I’ll compare it to my last two.

How do you move on with the possibility of another - how do you get over these worries and the guilt that you’re “replacing” them? I don’t want to take in a pet with the pressure on them that they should heal me, but I don’t want to close myself of from forming another feline bond.

Aside from all that, I’ve completely forgotten what it’s like practically regarding a new cat - it’s been well over a decade since having to navigate “getting to know” and prepare for a new cat.

Any stories, positive or otherwise, are very much welcome as I try to get my head around how to move forward.

Aww sorry for your losses OP. It really hurts when you lose them.
We had our 19yr old PTS in August. It was dreadful and we still miss him.

In Sept we got a pair of kittens and we actually bonded with them straight away. I think because they were very young we immediately gave them lots of cuddles and attention which helped. Also they are fun and entertaining which was so good after a sad few months while our old boy deteriorated.
We love them,but obviously we’ve not had them long!

In the past I’ve adopted older cats,still young but not kittens. I remember thinking exactly the same as you,will I ever love them like the last. But you do because they become part of the family.

So sorry to hear about your cat. I can only speak for myself, but yes, I think it is possible.

We had our lovely girl (my soul cat) pts in April. It was brutal and sudden, and she was only ten, and I miss her so, so much. a few days later I looked at the CP website and just thought, here he is. Filled out a form, and in a week or so a new boy cat was here. He’s going to be two in a fortnight, is an absolute thug, but I love him so very much. My DP really didn’t want another cat (mainly because he couldn’t cope with seeing me being so heartbroken) and was actually away when I brought the orange menace here, but he loves him very much too. He’s a completely different cat, I had to work to make him love me, and make him “our cat”, but I really believe our girl sent him to us. He may be a rescue cat but he rescued me.

Here he is!

I lost my soul cat last year. I've never felt devastation like it, I had all the same fears as you with the thought of getting a new cat.

Our new one happened by accident, a friend was moving and asked us to keep an eye on her cat till she settled. Then didn't want the cat back 🙄

I'll be honest, it took me a while to love him. I liked him well enough, but I was looking for my old cat in him and he didn't compare. The love has just grown, as I've appreciated him for him and got to know his quirks and personality.

I felt guilt for a long time, but I did read something about our pets having an "earthly contract" and when they fulfil it, they leave us. My boy got me through some of the best and worst times of my life and perhaps he left when he knew I'd manage without him. If he hadn't gone, I wouldn't have had space for my new boy, and he needed me. Maybe it was meant to be this way, I don't know, but it's helped the guilt.

I think you will appreciate a new one for who he/she is.

We lost our first and only cat, having had him from a kitten, earlier this year and in the first days I couldn't imagine having another.

6 weeks later, we took one in who needed a home and didn't have any other options. We couldn't say no, having the space and missing having a cat around so much.

She's entirely different (sleeps on top of the wardrobe, instead of the windowsill, has a very squeaky miaow instead of the deep voice I was used to, and is a very tidy eater) and needed some time to settle, but is very much ours too. Part of me thinks it's a shame they never met, but I don't think either would have liked the other's presence in the house!

You will love them, believe me.

You bond differently with each one, but they can be equally close just in different ways.

Like friends you take them as they are and, trust me, they'll do the rest :) You'll fall for their different quirks and attitudes, demands and dislikes, funny moments and loving moments.

Each different, but each special. They won't replace the cats you've lost, but they'll take up space next to them in your heart.

I've always adopted quickly afterwards. My one in a million cat died in April, and I loved the cats I adopted afterwards in a different way. Unfortunately they had to be rehomed as my other cat wasn't coping with them. But you will love another cat, and it does help you move on.

I knew about Penelope within hours of Magics death. Knowing there would be anew cat really helped. And my soul cat, taught her how to cat. And I still see her behaviour in Penelope, which is lovely.

I think the best thing would be to give it time. Give yourself time to grieve.

Thank you all for your replies, I’ve welled-up reading your individual stories. Am sorry for the losses, you’ve all experienced, but it’s also lovely to read of the new bonds that have been formed.

I think I’m going to sit with my feelings a bit, it’s all still quite raw, but I hope to give myself permission to take in a new friend at some point.

Bloody cats - why do they completely take over your heart?

JMy old boy was pts last Dec. Thought I would wait, have holidays and so on and get over him. Friend had an allotment and fed a very tame stray for two years and was desperate to get him a home He was treated as a community cat by cp and had been neutered. He was sleeping in a greenhouse and lonely in the winter. I arranged to bring him home for Christmas, he was nervy for a day or two. But has made the most wonderful lap cat and total cuddle boy. Her loves a belly rub. Cp thought he had been dumped in a certain hotspot. A year on and we are both do happy, he uses toys and heat pad that my old boy loved. He healed a massive hole in my heart. Sure you will find the same? We all know how many cats there are, in need of a loving owner like you.
old boy was Eric, never forgotten, new boy Ernie now snuggled up on my bed in the same place, a feral cat now sleeps in the greenhouse. The allotment people miss Fluffy / now Ernie but they are all so happy that he fell on his paws. He sent a box of food to the current strays and ferals

Many years ago we lost 2 cats in a year. Losing them nearly broke me and it took a while for me to love our next one but when I did I really did! I loved that cat more than most humans and I was devastated when we had to PTS when he was 18. Our DGirlCat who was my whole heart went missing 2 weeks before.

I swore that was it. I just couldn't bear the pain. But then I saw our little DGirlCat2 who had a dreadful life which left her with PTSD. She is an angel and we soothed each other. We then adopted DBoyCat2 to keep her company and he is gentle and patient. He was fed unlike her but he had no social or emotional input.

It's so sad when we lose them but if you can bear it it's giving another cat a wonderful life and home. It doesn't take away from how much you've loved the cat you've lost. I love these two but I still love and miss the others.

Everyone is different. I know some people adopt quickly again and I envy them! I wasn't ready for that. I had two absolute AngelCats and miss them hugely. AngelCat1 was ill for a long time so the death was expected but that didn't make it easier. AngelCat2 died suddenly from a medical problem the vet missed a few months after that. A year after AngelCat1 died, I am adopting another pair from a rescue as I am beginning to feel ready. I met the NewCats several times before adopting and that has really helped in processing all of the different emotions. The first time I met the NewCats, I was amazed at how much I loved them but also felt guilty to the AngelCats. The second time, I felt less guilt and started to pick up on how the NewCats are very much each their own cat - they have some behaviours that are similar to the AngelCats but their have their own voice and way of doing things (I have also figured out which one is topcat!). It takes time and the rescue has been very kind and patient. Good luck when you do feel ready to adopt again. Allow yourself time and space to grieve, dont feel that you have to push yourself too soon but when you begin to feel ready, start exploring the idea gently.

I find each new cat relationship is very different soul cat 1 she sat on me regularly she slept with me at night till my daughter was born and then slept with her. She was a cuddler.
Soul cat 2 a rescue who had suffered terrible abuse we were an air of wounded souls together we provided each other with comfort.
Soul cat 3 only cuddles in the dark she doesn't need me, but equally she hates it when I am not there.
I also have other non soul cats who I have other relationships too.

Can anyone recommend a cat that doesn't shed that isn't a £1000. It's our first cat. Thanks

I have never heard the term soul cat before. But that expresses it so well. When we lost ours suddenly I was heartbroken. We landed up with a new boy a few months later - much sooner than I was ready for. He was a kitten and I loved him but it took a long time for me to fully embrace him. And even now, I miss the emotional support from my old cat. But I have learned my lesson - when this one goes (hopefully not for a very long time), I will get a new one relatively quickly..

Could you consider fostering for a cat rescue for a while?

You'd have no fixed commitment to any cat you fostered and would be helping cats in need find new homes. It's likely at some point you'll foster the cat that fills the hole in your heart and you'll both know that you match each other. That will be the one you adopt.

My long haired Persians didn't shed. They were black and I could have them on my knee when wearing white trousers.

Apologies to those who posted later in January, for some reason I didn’t get notifications, I wasn’t rudely ignoring you!

It’s way sooner than I ever thought it would be, but a new resident joined the household this week. The opportunity arose to take on a 1 year-old so I went to meet him. I always love meeting cats, but I’ll be honest - in my head I was thinking happy to meet him, highly doubtful I’ll take him.

How wrong I was! He’s a total stunner (I recognise I’m biased) but it was his character that completely won me over. He walked straight over to me, jumped up on the seat next to me, plonked his front paws on my lap and gave me a massive head-bop and then flopped down next to me and demanded cuddles. I didn’t stand a chance 😂

He’s settling in really well, no issues with eating, using the litter tray or hiding away. He doesn’t meow, he chirrups and trills, which is so cute and sounds hilarious coming from such a big cat. He’s still got a good couple of years until he’s fully grown, but there’s no denying his presence in my life already. I still have twinges of guilt when I’m cuddling him, but deep down I know my previous two wouldn’t want me to be unhappy. I’m trying to reframe things in my head to be grateful for the huge impact they both had in my life.

I am looking forward to getting to know him properly and to finding new and different ways for us to both move through life together.

Thanks again for sharing all your experiences, it really did help me reading through them all.

Its been 5 years for me, still not ready

@IJWMM Yes.. It definitely is possible to deeply love another animal and have them as a Soul Animal.

I wish I’d not left it so long between beloved dogs.
It’s the same with cats if you choose wisely ! 💕